Are HPD's bad or suffering?

I am wondering if the HPD is bad and manipulative or in reality suffering?

There is almost an inability to function as other people do, an inability to get involved in serious relationships with a positive outcome as other people do, and an inability to take the easy road in life as other people do.

They do everything they can and will willingfully attach their heart and soul to someone if that person can do the same to them yet in the end that other someone is a bigger person with bigger ambitions and moves on and the HPD is left behind in all scenarios.

What is an HPD to do?

"I am wondering if the HPD is bad and manipulative or in reality suffering?"

A little bit of both.

They are suffering a great deal from past childhood trauma's that caused them to invent the HPD persona for themselves to cause men/women to fall madly in love with them. Then once thats accomplished the HPD afflicted identifies with that love as the love they never received from their parents as a child absorbs it and feels reinvigorated by it but in a sickening twist once they get the love from a particular person they then see that person as weak and conquered for falling for their game. Then they drop that person like a piece of garbage sometimes with an explanation (usually a lie, or the truth that they've moved onto someone else ie the next victim) and sometimes no explanation at all.

Also the person that loved them for some reason is converted by the HPD as being a reminder or part of their own troubled inner self and thus is considered all bad by the HPD or simply thoroughly cast out of the HPD's thought processes.

They can be considered bad for their manipulations because they realize intellectually what they are doing to people and their emotions is wrong but it doesn't connect to their emotions so they could care less who they hurt one way or another. If someone calls them out on their bad behaviour they do feel bad but only for the moment. The way their minds work they quickly rewire their thoughts so it was the other person's fault for the breakup/disagreement, and they can go on back to living it up in their fantasy world like they are the most perfect person to have ever been created by the hand of God.

They are completely selfish and self centered.

The only emotions they can feel and care about are their own.

The HPD does pay for all of their bad behaviour eventually though.

Usually in the forms of depression, STD's, rape, suicide, alcoholism,drug abuse, etc.

Their lives are sad and tragic and literally the only thing keeping them going is constant attention from new people. This is because they need people so they can steal the person they are going after's personality and self because they don't have one of their own. They are human parasites, emotional vampires. Dr. Sam Vaknin believes HPD is basically Narcissistic Personality Disorder using the body as means to getting the Narcissistic Supply.

Narcissistic Supply being attention, love, lust, admiration, adulation, etc.

HPD's and NPD's don't care about people as human beings with feelings and emotions. They think of us as objects to be used and exploited for their own benefit. Emotionally the HPD is a child.

"There is almost an inability to function as other people do, an inability to get involved in serious relationships with a positive outcome as other people do, and an inability to take the easy road in life as other people do."

This is because the thing they want most ie love is the thing when offered to them causes them to become disgusted by the person offering it to them. The sad thing is most of them probably don't know that and attribute their sudden disinterest in their partner to someother reason.

Also they have no empathy and thus cannot truly love anyone as a result.

When they say they love someone they mean exactly what we mean when we say we love our new car. They love people as objects not as human beings.

"They do everything they can and will willingfully attach their heart and soul to someone if that person can do the same to them yet in the end that other someone is a bigger person with bigger ambitions and moves on and the HPD is left behind in all scenarios."

Attaching heart and soul? Thats never the case with HPD's. Its impossible in actuality. They have no heart. They have no soul. The effort they put forth into another person ie being charming, seductive, flirtatious, etc are just means for them to extract Narcississtic Supply.

Sometimes the significant other gets tired of the HPD's shallow emptiness and moves on but most of the time its the HPD using up their significant other for whatever love ie supply they can extract then they move on leaving their victim crushed wondering what happened.

"What is an HPD to do?"

Seek out a mental health professional and get the treatment of psychotherapy to learn how to think clearly, learn empathy, and honesty and build a totally new self for themselves to replace the false HPD self.

An HPD untreated is basically reminiscent of Ash's quote from Alien about the Alien.

"A survivor, unclouded by conscience, remorse or delusions of morality."

Your description is accurate. It seems that the HPD you're mentioning is highly narcissistic too. THere's no "black" or "white" when talking about Personality disorders. They have different shades. Depending on the "level" of HPD, ovelarp with other disorders, she can be much more harmful than a weaker or single form of HPD.

Go to the internet and search for "attention wh0re". This is a term that most men say when talking about those types of women. Most of them don't know that this term is actually a personalidy disorder called Histrionic Personality Disorder.

I think it was Tom Leykis who made up this term "attention wh0re" in his radio program.

I think they are sick and suffer from mental illness.

But ... they know, after a while, that they are different, that they have this problem. At that point, they either do something to change and get more functional, or they don't, and if they don't then it's at least in part on them in terms of the damage they wreak on the emotional lives of others.

So yes its an illness but its an illness they also are responsible for taking care of and trying to treat. If they have no interest in getting better, they then become much more repsonsible for the actions they take that hurt others.

novaseeker wrote:I think they are sick and suffer from mental illness.

So yes its an illness but its an illness they also are responsible for taking care of and trying to treat. If they have no interest in getting better, they then become much more repsonsible for the actions they take that hurt others.

I know the psycho I was with would never, ever admit to being sick or wrong, really about anything.

I have a better chance of playing Frisbee on the planet Neptune than my psycho acknowledging her illness and accepting it. Treatment? Ha! She would have to be dragged kicking and screaming into treatment.

'Cause, unlike everyone else on the planet (excluding other HPD individuals), she's never wrong and nothing could be wrong with her.

How utterly sad.

What's amazing to me is the capacity we (the people who have been betrayed and lied to and manipulated and treated like dirt) have to come to terms with what we went through, recover and get better.

But kudos to us all! The human mind is a remarkably powerful 5lb sack of jelly and fluid material.

I don't know if I could ever forgive my HPD though. I'm still fairly bitter. No one has the right to treat someone like HPD individuals treat others.

Yeah my HPD knew he had HPD and just didn't want to change it. Sees it as a legitimate personality type. At the beginning I guess I enabled him in that regard bc I did not see it as a big issue until the problems came later. So in his case it's a case of knowing and not caring, but still realizing his actions will hurt others ... which is a combination that makes me think accountability for his actions is perfectly appropriate.

"Yeah my HPD knew he had HPD and just didn't want to change it. Sees it as a legitimate personality type. At the beginning I guess I enabled him in that regard bc I did not see it as a big issue until the problems came later. So in his case it's a case of knowing and not caring, but still realizing his actions will hurt others ... which is a combination that makes me think accountability for his actions is perfectly appropriate."

There is a legitimate personality style called histrionic personality style which isn't disordered or destructive just so you know but yeah your ex definitely sounds disordered from all of his activity that worked to destroy your trust in him and ultimately your relationship with him.

Also about accountability...

I've said it before and I'll say it again they think of us as objects and thus feel they can do whatever they want to us harmful or helpful and they do realize intellectually what they are doing to people wrong or right so you are correct he should be held accountable for what he's done to you and likely many other women.

Also about accountability...

I've said it before and I'll say it again they think of us as objects and thus feel they can do whatever they want to us harmful or helpful and they do realize intellectually what they are doing to people wrong or right so you are correct he should be held accountable for what he's done to you and likely many other women.

Can you say Halleluja brother?! How, though, can accountability be realized?

Unfortunately, it can't, I believe. The HPD creature has no capacity for guilt (which they suppress or dissipates quickly over a short period of time), and per Mr. KontrollerX above, they view us all as objects (who feels guilty about breaking their refrigerator?)

Accountability has been on my mind lately as well.

Lately, I, too, am struggling with LACK of accountability for my ex-HPD fiance and the guy she cheated with MIGHTILY. My sad saga ended almost 5 weeks ago now. I don't care for her at all, don't miss her, don't want anything to do with her, I think she is repulsive, but every now and then I get angry.

I know I should have the self-control to focus my mind and energies on more positive and beneficial endeavors, but it's hard sometimes to not think about what happened.

An HPD individual validates their self-worth through, in part, by getting attention. In my HPD psycho's case, this was facilitated by a strong flaunting and application of her sexual prowress. That's one of the strongest things she could offer of her self. So, after 35 years of being programmed to do it, it came quite naturally to her.

However, this doesn't totally explain the morally diseased decisions of the pathetic excuse for a man she cheated with, who was engaged as well.

Her cheating and cruel actions and lies got progressively worse when he broke off his engagement to his fiance and she moved out (but they were trying to work it out and they were going to counseling.) The coward's ex-fiance might have a clue of his cheating and morally decrepit fiber, but I think not. She is going to be hurt and abused big time.

Almost every day for the last couple of months there was something suspicious about my creature's behaviors and actions that alarmed me and made me feel uneasy, that the piece of trash was cheating on me and I wasn't that important to her, but I never, ever suspected with him. I had to deal with that crap, sapping my self-esteem and self-confidence, continually, because I kept going against my instinct (major mistake) and telling myself nothing was going for all kinds of reasons and that I was overreacting or being overtly suspicious. "Look how sincere and adamant the creature is! She must be telling the truth."

As KontrollerX said in another post, these woman would be the perfect mother in Hamlet. Actors and deceivers, one in the same.

Here is something I wrote down when I was dealing w/some seriously angry emotions:

What right did she have to betray me in such a premeditated fashion, probably beginning in the summer and through the engagement process?

What right did she have to waste my time and money, after I explicitly told her I didn't want to waste my time, I didn't want another failed relationship, that she needed to be sure that she didn't want anyone else, that she wanted to be exclusive, that she was done dating, that she needed to be sure she wanted me - that I met her needs and wants and she was truly in love with me, etc. I must haved asked her in various forms 20 times questions related to that to ensure she was honest, loyal, sincere and faithful. She responded many times with annoyance, anger, questioning my own committment, etc. but she said "I was the one," "I don't want to waste my time either," "I love you more than anything," "I want a life with you," "I want you to by my husband," etc., etc., etc.

What right did they have to exchange contrite emails ostensibly in regards to condo stuff amongst all of us w/little hidden meanings, I now realize? To give each other keys to each other's places for easy access? She played me by leaving lights on for him to notice that she was home and not to come in, to send him emails at odd times, to not want to sleep in her place less he hear us or I find something, etc.

What right does she have to ROB me of that time? Of the money I spent on her for vacations? Of the money I need to spend to dig myself out of this abyss? That I am out of a home I waited for for 1/2 a year.

This has cost me a year of my life and will most likely take me another year before I get settled again in a permanent place and get everything in order and I'm operating on all cyclinders.

How about all the other people this has influenced - my family and friends in particular. Her actions and my actions/reactions have left scars on them.

She blamed me COMPLETELY and without question, lieing about everything, telling me and everyone else she could (including a phone call to my ex-wife who was totally great BTW) I'm delusional, needy, clingy, crazy! She had the audacity to tell me that I needed to call all her family and friends and apologize for "slandering" and "accusing her of false actions."

And her/his rewards?

Continuing to live in their perverted, yet stable home and environment without any stress from me.

She is NOT being held accountable. He is NOT being held accountable.

I move out and make it EASY for them but yet HARD on myself and my family. How is that right? That I, the PROBLEM, moved away, caused disruption in other people's lives (my family) and they are now alone to carry on like nothing happened, gloating and glad to have me gone and out of sight/out of mind.

How is this acceptable? How can I just accept this knowing they purposely played me, decieved me, amused themselves at my distress and suffering. Especially after I swallowed my pride, compromised my principles, sacrificed my integrity and self-esteem to TAKE her back after she cheated on me the FIRST time, after she begged and pleaded and cried for me back and convinced me she wanted me, exclusively, for life? Life turned out to be another 3-4 months of a wretched, perverted "relationship."

Well, I realize now there was no relationship. It was doomed. We had nothing in common - she was an empty shell. Regardless, it does not justify her or the bastard's actions.

For my own standpoint, there is and can be no contact with the creature and her cheating putz. I presume that is the stance taken by you all as well. However...

What would I say to them if I saw them?

"Cowards. Cheaters. You are morally diseased, fundamentally corrupt. You lack integrity, honesty, compassion - everything that makes one human. Read Dante's Divine Comedy, the Inferno specifically. The last and most abhorrent Circle of Hell is reserved, alone, for betrayers."

novaseeker wrote:Yeah my HPD knew he had HPD and just didn't want to change it. Sees it as a legitimate personality type. At the beginning I guess I enabled him in that regard bc I did not see it as a big issue until the problems came later. So in his case it's a case of knowing and not caring, but still realizing his actions will hurt others ... which is a combination that makes me think accountability for his actions is perfectly appropriate.

Yes, I enabled her. My mistake. And I'm honing in on why 'cause I will never repeat that mistake. Live and learn. Life goes on. And what a beautiful and fullfilling life it will be!

My best wishes to all of you who went through this crap! I admire you for your integrity, perseverance, compassion and humanity. Be proud of yourselves. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Well, you all will be people of steel after this.

The short answer is that they are bad!

They are very bad!