Questions for HPDs from Nons (Could be Triggering)

Hi- HPD Dx, here.

I would suggest to simply be yourself and focus on work. If she IS indeed HPD, she will probably lose interest. But by all means, keep things professional. Good luck. ~sephe

What is the best way to escape from the histrionic’s fan club without causing much distress? Ghosting seems a bit too harsh although she has treated me like dirt.

Stef222 wrote:What is the best way to escape from the histrionic’s fan club without causing much distress? Ghosting seems a bit too harsh although she has treated me like dirt.

It seems the better way to deal with. If you really take care about yourself or indeed herself, you need to move and continue.

Life is too short for live in loop.

Hi there, this is my first post but I was being a lurker for a couple of months

Kudos and big thanks for build this space. It's an honor to see people talking about us and our relationships (!)

You will need 5/10 mins to read.

I hope to not break any rule, I replied the previous post in this topic being a non guy who lived some experiences with HPD's and one Tarantino's style BPD relationship that basically made me a man after survive.

My IQ seems to be different than majority and the same with almost everything on my life, so it's very probable I can enter into the personality disorder type of (I don't like to encapsulate ppl on this but it's just data to take in mind).

My philosophy of life is we are all the same and we only need to love. I chose to not judge any action on this world because I leave this to god if exists.

I'm improving day-by-day on this personal given mission and I'm imperfect like everyone out there. But I'm very conciousness on it.

Said that, I suddently get involved into a virtual but very strong attempt to relationship with a beauty (body, soul, mind) girl that was depressed on their 20's, I understand because her HPD constructed personality.

We was very close to meet us in a different country we born. Plans collapsed when I asked a few questions (just to be sure I didn't get involved fast on disfunctional relationship like I had with BDP).

My intuition was OK and we kept ourselves on different paths but it seems there are plans for us because we continued calling us in a couple of years.

A year ago I leave the 'different' country and travelled to the city she lives but she didn't mind because after cancelling our plans she started a relationship with autistic guy with a big heart that fall in love with her.

I remember she tell me he don't get attracted to sex, so it seems to be a perfect combination for spend time and punish me

She asked why I went to 'her' city and I said she was 50% on my decision. Well, it seems she wants always to be the 100% and I suspect that was crucial to continue on her mind (value is about scarcity not fullness).

I feel is very probable -if not a fact- she are acting some of her actions, because she tried to get my attention with sutile but evident approaches to me:

- When I asked to meet us on this city, she didn't replied my messages but then she uploaded stories on the last place I liked on my social media stuff (with music I love but she don't really knows).

- Then I invited her to share a coffee before leave this city and of course, I don't get any reply but I saw she was looking to planes drinking coffee after two hours.

She like tea like her boyfriend, coffee is my thing and we know that.

I was there like 6 months and the two situations was taken place on different times, we are not talking about 'two days' scenario.

I understand how it works, she looked for attention and not me because she even didn't know me. And it's easy to accept the invitation and meet me (thanks logic).

Question is, there is a way to know what is real? It's normal for HPD to act this way or she could be attracted to who I'm are?

I don't want the formula to keep her around me. I worked all my life for freedom because it keeps me motivated in the fake society we live, for being honest.

I live at my own terms, worked full-time and really hard on this because no one gives me nothing. Lot of people see in myself a warrior and I like how it sounds.

My heart and entire life was broken on the previous 'BPD relationship' and it seems that resetting my personality did the trick for not suffer anymore because emotional attachment or wathever.

I feel sad sometimes like everyone but I get stronger with time and I'm really OK accepting everything as is, not trying to force my desires or thoughts.

So I'm OK 'without' her but I'm trying to understand a little more for choice between:

A) She was playing with me like everyone, I was an usual LEGO on her life.
B) She was tried the best she can to get closer to me and break their limitations and personal fear/shame/whatever.

How it feels to you being HPD? When you usually 'play that games'? Is normal to continue 'playing' after years?

I like to get deep into all the universe share with me. That includes relationships and meeting people.

My point here could be more about 'everyone' than she or even myself.

I see that people with personality disorders are more human than normal guys and girls in society and I get you really feel like only a few percentage on the world, so I connect with that by nature.

Your sensibility is what the world needs and I know I'm here to do the best I can with that.

Of course I get attracted to her and she's important to me, besides we don't phisically know us. But I was attracted in spiritual way, not primitive.

The games she tried don't worked well on me because I'm very connected with I do with people, for the people. That's superlative and keep me on focus.

But I feel we know each other for a reason, for give true love to the world (not romantic, dependant) or something big that I can't explain.

How it sounds for you? I'm just a LEGO on her life and games? Can she was really attracted to me and that explains 'with and without you' behaviors?

Thanks for read! And please, don't forget to listen music with high vibes frequencies.

M.

PS: just to be sure you know what LEGO means.

PersephoneL0ve wrote:... I would suggest to simply be yourself and focus on work. ... ~sephe

Was this in reply to me ? Thanks, you're right, appreciated.

Sorry for having posted so much prose earlier.

My key learning for NONs, who fell in love: When you defeat your feeling of "hope", the crush will fade as well. There is no hope, swallow that and move on (aka away when you can).

Hi M (eatsomeplants),

as a NON with little experience in this matter:

When I started reading about personality disorders, I saw affected people everywhere around me. A few years later I calmed down and think three times, before I diagnose someone. I still use this tools, but always being aware that this is a somewhat vague hypothesis. So I react more on facts than on (maybe valid) hypothesis, for me it helps.

To your story: There is no faith, I suggest to forget about her, and also not to phone her. "Hope" is the feeling to be killed, everything else happens on its own.

I also suggest finding a partner without PD. Learning from my life: People who's beauty is a bit hidden are often free of PD struggles. Because being beautiful is an "interaction" and PDs are allways a pattern of "interaction" by definition.

I hope it helps, love yourself, move on,
R

Interesting thought about beauty and PDs and maybe I didn't understand it the way it was meant, but I always thought all those who I knew were officially diagnosed with a PD were prettier than me. Possibly more charming and intelligent too. But I think my let's call them average qualities are longterm more stable in terms of results, I think beauty and intelligence can occassionally be feared. Not meaning to say I don't have a disorder, or that all those who are more beautiful etc than me do.

Because no HP answered, I (NON) share what I know about it:

According to a few sources, and to my own experience, beauty is a choice (I exclude circumstances where this is obviously not the case, like burned faces etc.).

People subconsciously choose to show more or less beauty to others. I wouldn't wonder if 90% is chosen and 10% is real, in an industrial country.

It's a balance: Amount of resources spent (time, attention, money) vs. Effects that beauty has (social status, mating-value, assumed competencs)

So, when you're subconsciously already happy (obviously), but your consciousness demands a bit more, you can consciously invest a bit more resources than you're doing at the moment. This is a conscious social manipulation (more belonging to the strengths of ASD traits) with a conscious decision that overrides your subconscious beauty-wish.

I wouldn't wonder if in evolution a not-so-high beauty wish can be a positive factor. Because highly beautiful people attract other highly beautiful people. And the reason for somebody to invest so much resources in beauty is usually a kind of weakness (fear, narcissm etc.).

I assume, that strong (really strong, no superficial narcists that pretend to be strong) people subconsciously "see" each other, also by recognizing that the other mate has no urge to pump up the beauty overly much, and then mate to form a high resilient power team. Below the radar. (But that's just speculation).

If I'd have to mate ever again (which is very improbable), I'd see an overarching urge to look beautyful critically now. Because, looking back in my life, the whomen who were stong enough to invest their ressources in other topis, than in beauty (well, within limits, to be honst ), were more resilient and I had a stronger team with them, than with the ones who's fears pushed them to question their look over and over again.

Said that, I'm still grateful for the beauty HPDs bring in our lives. Both ways rock.