Questions for HPDs from Nons (Could be Triggering)

Thanks for warning me, appreciate your time, though I don't fear conflict, I have worse opponents in the office Thanks for pointing this out, I understand what you mean.

However, following your recommendation (out of compassion) I started answering her slightly bitchy attempts to catch my attention now in a friendly, yet distant way (instead of ignoring her presence like before). Polite and recognizing her presence but clearly professional and distant. More she'll never get, whatever she might do. Luckily there's enough "supply" around me who draw her attention away from me, so I expect I'm getting out of this situation with very low effort (just a few smiles)

If I _could_ help her I'd be willing to invest a significant amount of time. But I can't unless I invent a time machine, I guess. What asshole parents can be so cruel ...

I'm on the live and let live side of the line because finding common ground suggests interacting with my HPD (I'm one of the walking wounded too). What a shame they're deleting it from the DSM; it's sufficiently different from BPD or NPD; these people are from a bit of a different mold. They...really draw out the sympathy/empathy of others with their seeming sincerity and they throw themselves into really convincing performances moreso than any NPD I ever met; also the oversexualization and obvious making-more-of-relationships than they are (strangers = sudden friends). It's much better to pull the tiller and steer clear. I do hope these forums are maintained because a digitized record of the goings on can be analyzed as research methods improve even in cases of unlabelled participants, i.e. the undiagnosed (my Ph.D. thesis explores this sort of inference but for normal personality...the applications to psychopathology abound).

shimtie wrote:I'm on the live and let live side of the line because finding common ground suggests interacting with my HPD (I'm one of the walking wounded too). What a shame they're deleting it from the DSM; it's sufficiently different from BPD or NPD; these people are from a bit of a different mold. They...really draw out the sympathy/empathy of others with their seeming sincerity and they throw themselves into really convincing performances moreso than any NPD I ever met; also the oversexualization and obvious making-more-of-relationships than they are (strangers = sudden friends). It's much better to pull the tiller and steer clear. I do hope these forums are maintained because a digitized record of the goings on can be analyzed as research methods improve even in cases of unlabelled participants, i.e. the undiagnosed (my Ph.D. thesis explores this sort of inference but for normal personality...the applications to psychopathology abound).

I guess it has been one of those debated items. Is HPD really different, or is it just an adaptation based on what is socially approved for females vs males?

Hmm, I'm no specialist, but after what I learned I also wonder about this change in the classification.

Do I remember correctly that when an individual is suffering or makes others suffer, it's a personality DISORDER ? Compared to just strange people with a for example "schizoid personality" (and not a _disorder_) but there's no special suffering ?

So if we're talking about a personality DISORDER, it's justified to have a name for it. Isn't it ?

(Though I don't like the term "disorder", because it's devaluing affected people and I see also value in NPD, HPD etc. as well. Life's not black and white ... E.g. NPDs are good managers quite often. HPD maybe good gogo dancers, just kidding

However, my point is: It helped me a lot that HPD has a name. I was under attack of an HPD, googled (soon enough luckily), found HPD, understood, and was able to pull me and my family out of the potential danger. (Probably no real danger, don't know, but maybe there was a threat.)

Also when this thing has a name, a concept, untrained people like me can see the concept and find ways of supporting HPDs. It really needs a name (official classification), it is unique enough, isn't it ?

Or what else should it be when HPD is gone ? NPD ? It must be something

(If I disturb the forum with nonsense, just tell me, then I can leave this forum to SOs and HPDs. I'm just still bleeding, that's why I'm here from time to time ...)

This thread is for the Nons, and it's a general though/comment about the disorder (not an attack on those with the disorder), so it's all good.

What comes to mind is that we humans like and maybe need our classifications to make sense of the world. Especially when it comes to what is outside our everyday experiences, a label can help us make sense of what happened/is-happening. Of course the PD labels are really meant for the mental health professionals. The labels are a way to describe a pattern of behavior in a concise way, and hopefully that helps with selecting treatment options. In reality? Yea I don't know. Mental Health professionals have been debating labels a long time, and I don't know what debates lead them to one set of labels vs another.

As an outsider, yes understood. That eye opener moment, this label so accurately matches what I am experiencing can feel like a big relief. It doesn't change anything of course, but as an example... There are people living with various physical conditions that feel a sense of relief just by finally getting a diagnosis, a label. Just knowing they aren't alone can help.

All that aside, we've had debates here in the past, is HPD really a different disorder, or just a minor variant of NPD, BPD, AsPD? Like if I said, the primary matter is not feeling good about oneself leading to an overwhelming need for frequent validation from others... does it matter if they go about that by way of a show of wealth, power, sexuality, fame, save-me, etc.? I guess to a professional the specifics may matter, but eventually they'd still want to focus on the not feeling good about self, and less on the specifics of what band-aid the person uses.

Wise words, quite impressive summary, I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

I hate the HPD's "pen trick". You know this ? It's simple, when there's one pen in the room for a team task, the HPD takes it. Full attention guaranteed for the whole meeting.

Today: Office Christmas party, bad luck lets me (in a room of 80 people) sit right in front of the HPD colleague I wrote about earlier. A team quiz starts, she's doing the "pen trick", so the game rules force me to look at her beautiful face, during the whole game. Very, very often, and there it is ... limerence starts buring me down again. I thought I'd have defeated it, but I can't ...

So, dear HPDs, learn the "pen trick", it can drive people crazy, at least people like me. You know the pro-pen-trick ? Hand over the pen to other people and slightly touch the other hand while handing over ... deadly poison ...

However I quit my job, 3 days left, then I can leave all this behind me ...

I'm a hobby musician and while I was most limerant I wrote some songs about her. I wonder if I should send her the songs later. Maybe she'd enjoy this kind of attention. But probably I should not, right ? Even when I quit and am gone by then. Revealing this secret would be too far from normal social behavior. Sad for her, so she will never know that even songs exist about her.

Anyway, thanks for listening. Technically the last paragraph contains a "question for HPDs from Nons", but the answer is obvious I guess.

3 Posts from myself after another tells me: You're writing boring stuff. However, as no one else's writing here, I thin it could be at least acceptable to continue.

The following happened:
- I quit my job and didn't see her (HPD) for more than 2 months
- There were single days where I was able of not thinking of her (most of the days I did). I hate being obsessed, but it fades, don't worry I'm in full control. I should stop writing songs about her, it's kind of creepy anyway isn't it ? So I will stop that, promised.
- Off course I was stupid enough to give her a hint where she could find the songs on soundcloud. (She pushed my creativity by far, even some small record labels contacted me and I was listed in some underground top 40 charts. So she successfully was my muse im some way
- I read books about HPD and understood what makes me obsessed on this topic. It's not her. My mother was diagnosed officially as being "Hysteric" in the early 90s. Now I learned that this means HPD. Funny, isn't it. So THAT's what drags me into this forum.
- And, even worse, all I read also applies to my woman (not the girl stated above, sorry, I feel so bad about it ...). And, trust me (!), this is not a naive "I read a book and then I see the book content everywhere" reacion. Trust me. I always knew that my wife is whacko and thought it must be some Narcism thing (low self esteem etc.), but now, having read the book, I understood what's going on.

What a funny turn in my story, I wasn't aware of this a few weeks ago, I was wondering about her rage-moments, her lying, her low self-esteem, playing roles when she meets other people, being obsessed by her mother role (which is mentioned in the book, because birthing a child fixes the self-esteem thing). Off course I only take official diagnoses as a diagnose, which is the case for my (deceased) mother. And everything else about my wife (and the whoman that made me enter this forum) is as a hypothesis. (Well HP, not HPD for my wife).

So, I noticed that my wife "lost" her marriage ring when she started a new job a few days ago. And now, finally knowing what might be going on with her (how could I overlook this ???), I'm prepared to see some HPD style eventy in my life, incl. maybe being devalued and left. It's always good to be prepared.

Holy $#%^, and last but not least, the HPD of my mother was maybe the cause for me having a schizoid personality (official diagnose "schizoid personality" but not SPD).

Now I see that I'm totally trapped in this hysteric/histrionic thing. And I see my daughters also being affected allready by the unusual behavior of my HP wife (and me, ok, I'm working a lot and a bit absent with schizoid personality, so I'm probably not giving enough attention ... circle closed ...).

So, time to see a pro I guess.

Thanks for giving me room here to talk about it. I have no one else for such topics.

What a turn ... but believe me, my hypothesis are sound.

And last but not least, I'm obsessed by HPDs because they are not boring. When I meet boring girls I could through up. So there is value in you HPDs, at least for me. I stick to what I stated before, the world would be a grey and boring place without you. Make it bright, get it colored, I love all of you

Thanks for your time, I'm sure it was wasted well

-- Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:14 pm --

(pro = psychologist)

Sorry, don't mean to kill the thread by posting too much from me.

Prior post turned out to be wrong. Diagnosing people is dangerous, esp. after reading a book about any PD.

A girl at the office always leaves the video in in Corona online meetings active, as the only one in the call. Permanently. Recently she blinked at me. So I guess I know where's that behavior coming from now. Being a kind person, I now try to avoid accidentially forgetting her (like forgetting in meeting invitations or when she wants an e-mail to be answered). Not more than that, however, I hope that supports a little bit.

And there I void my initial rule again

I wrote no songs anymore about the original topic since 6 months. Guess it's over and technically writing songs is close to stalking, feels weird looking back. But I may get my first record deal soon, seriously. A pro musician told me I might be so far now and he will arrange me a contact. Well, I have to be grateful for all the practice I guess. Finally it might have been good for something

Well, I'm off her. But she'll be with her things all the time. That's kind of sad.

I released the songs I mentioned above via record labels. Got 20K plays on Spotify. Not bad. I still play with the concept in my vocals. People like it. End of story. I won.