Questions for HPDs from Nons (Could be Triggering)

Hi All

I am curious to know what happens when an histrionic has been exposed for their bad behaviours and lies after getting away with it for years (in a work environment).

What reactions should we expect?

Thanks

euromelbourne wrote:Hi All

I am curious to know what happens when an histrionic has been exposed for their bad behaviours and lies after getting away with it for years (in a work environment).

What reactions should we expect?

Thanks

Hi, I think the individual with the disease will most likely going into hysterics, with either a defensive attitude or have an emotional breakdown.
If I were to be exposed in public in that kind of matter (where I feel embarrassed,) I would cry, hysterically. In front of everyone.
They would most likely be very depressed or feeling hopeless about it and may resort to alcohol or drugs. They probably wouldn't feel comfortable at work dealing with the consequences. Just an opinion based on what I feel.

Hi!
I recently got involved with a HPD man, now that i realised that he most likely has HPD i definitely not planning a long term relationship with him but i still would like to have some kind of love affair with him.
We where working in the same place and he was flirty with many woman, but looks that i was the number one supply.
Last time i made an almost clear move on him in occasion of a party, but he instead of reciprocate it, turned his attention to an other girl.When i get annoyed and decided to leave, he left the girl alone and came after me. He tried the flirt with me again, but i made clear to him that im not interested, and left him alone.
Before this he used to text me every day. since this he didnt even texted me. What should i do to get him involved with me again, this time bit more seriously? (Ok, lets be clear, i want to get laid down)

I have experience with NPDs but not much with HPDs. Thanks

Hi Asherah77,

Most of us know the unwritten social rules about flirting, and to what degree it has meaning, but...

If he does have HPD, flirting does not necessarily mean what it does to others. It doesn't necessarily mean that he is interested in more than flirting, and if you've already validated that he is desirable, you are interested, that may be all he wanted.

For whatever it's worth, some with HPD here have written that they are not even aware that they are flirting (from the point of view of others).

Anyway I have no recipe, other than treat him as you'd treat anyone you are interested in, and if he is interested he will let you know.

What is the worst thing about having HPD?

Aside from possible more practical problems in life caused by it or the terrible emotional abuse some of you inflict on others (which you wouldn’t do in the first place if you really cared), what is the worst thing about having this disorder? What is the most painful conflict that it causes on a personal level?

I would imagine that the most painful thing could be knowing that you are in many ways a nobody no matter how your life goes. Everything that happens to you is sort of meaningless because you can’t really devote to anything or anyone on emotional level. Or do HPD people evaluate their experiences this way at all? Do they realize what they are missing?

Hi everyone.

My question for you, is does this sound like an individual with HPD?

My father will not see a therapist, thinks they are all bad, and that he does no wrong. As a student in a graduate program geared towards training for state liscensure to practice counseling, I have "coach diagnosed" my father with HPD, with trait narcissism. However, I would like to know if the following sounds like someone with HPD.

My father is a pathological liar, and manipulator when it comes to conflicts he is directly involved in. He's been ignorantly emotionally abusive to my mother over the years, from name calling, locking her out of the house while drunk, because of a text regarding my hospitalization that he missunderstood (and still blames her for that), to making her believe she is genuinlyng that she is the problem in there relationship because she has become so snappy and defensive in response to the abuse.

He is very emotionally weak, and cannot handle stress, or any negative emotion. With my mother, and to a lesser degree, friends, he blames others for falling outs. Exaggetates, and creates delusions, like my mother turning people against him. And exaggerating experiences to get people on his side.

He is uncomfortable when he isn't the center of attention. He is charming socially. Exaggerates stories, and sells stories hard. Everything has to be for a laugh, and to acquaintances, he's funny and even charming. When I was in the hospital recovering, he loved socializing with my fellow patients and their families. Even trying to covince me to go to the common area when I was relaxing in my room, because it would be "good for me". In actuality, he just wanted to be the center of attention.

In groups, he always has to be the loudest talking. If he isnt, he is anxious, tapping, and restless. He drinks to cope a lot. And has had fights in a lot of his social relationships, and it is always the other person's fault.

I felt that he even was selling his concern for me in the hospital because it made him look like "father of the year". "I'd switch places with you in a heartbeat" comments were made to me ONLY when other people were around. I know him, and he wouldnt be able to handle Guillain-Barre as I did.

Now that he has moved out, he has harassed my mother from time to time, saying she ruined his life, made threats of suicide ideation to get a reaction and guilt her, despite him being the problem with the relationship. He won't do it, and has said so, but he says things like that to manipulate my mother. He genuinly is sad now, and has cried, and isnt emotionally aware.

So, in light of this, despite him meeting symptom criteria, does this sound like someone with HPD?

My apologies if this is triggering.

Hello everyone,

I am new here, in fact this is my first post. I want to share a bit. I hope that's ok. The next paragraph will include a question that I have.
First of all, I am so glad that I found this forum. I think I have a mother who has HPD. I've learned about this disorder only a few years ago. I'm originally from another country (non-US/Canada or European, a 3rd world country) and lived with a mother whose behavior we (with my father and my brother) could never understand/explain for decades. Being from a 3rd world country, none of the psychiatrists we took her to understood what was going on with her. Instead every one of them gave her antidepressants which made things much worse because she thought we were thinking that she was crazy-literally. My father even tried witchcraft and gave a lot of money to a lot of con men hoping that they would fix her. I know how stupid it sounds but I think he was out of ideas. Eventually they divorced, I was 12. I grew up with my mother and I think it's safe to say that I was abused so much so that I would wet the bed until 16-17, lie pathologically, cry all the time, had very low self-esteem, developed unhealthy feelings for people around me, had very unhealthy relationships with my friends, teachers etc. Basically I had an awful childhood where I was programmed to only honor my mother's requests and needs. I was only living for her, had no personality, no character. I know I made it sound like maybe she was NPD but I can assure you that the symptoms of HPD are like my mothers personality traits. Knowing that she could have HPD doesn't solve my problems but helps me understand why she does the things that she does and gives me the ability look at her as a sick person in need rather than a mother.

Right there is where I have a problem right now. I'm 35 years old right now and I'm the only one in the family who kept contact with my mother. I try to help her and guide her through life. Recently, I started to question why I do this. My whole life I have been taken advantage of, cheated and fooled, bullied, made fun of by a lot of people. But I grew up and became my own person. I learned how to cut those people out of my life but I never changed. I am still a very submissive, naive person. It's probably both nurture and nature, I just am this way. I can figure out when I'm being taken advantage of with everyone else. Just not with my mother. I always tell myself that everything I do for her is because she has no one else and she is my mother and that I should take care of her. I just don't know anymore. Am I programmed this way by my mother? To go through life as a peasant at her service?
Are there any others here who have mothers with HPD and have gone through something similar?

Cheers,

Cahokian

Hey cahokian,

I have no great advice other than usual stuff, working with a therapist my help, but I think your insights are very valid...

cahokian wrote:Being from a 3rd world country, none of the psychiatrists we took her to understood what was going on with her. Instead every one of them gave her antidepressants which made things much worse because she thought we were thinking that she was crazy-literally. My father even tried witchcraft and gave a lot of money to a lot of con men hoping that they would fix her. I know how stupid it sounds but I think he was out of ideas.

Kind of interesting how many topics we have had that concluded the same, anti-depressants can worsen the symptoms of this disorder for some with HPD.

cahokian wrote:Basically I had an awful childhood where I was programmed to only honor my mother's requests and needs. I was only living for her, had no personality, no character. I know I made it sound like maybe she was NPD but I can assure you that the symptoms of HPD are like my mothers personality traits. Knowing that she could have HPD doesn't solve my problems but helps me understand why she does the things that she does and gives me the ability look at her as a sick person in need rather than a mother.

This is the core matter for children of cluster B parents. Probably not all, but for those who have experienced this near complete loss of self-identity in trying to make mother or father happy, it's a lifetime work ahead to undo that.

Glad you have an introspective nature and are pondering this.

cahokian wrote:Right there is where I have a problem right now. I'm 35 years old right now and I'm the only one in the family who kept contact with my mother. I try to help her and guide her through life. Recently, I started to question why I do this. My whole life I have been taken advantage of, cheated and fooled, bullied, made fun of by a lot of people. But I grew up and became my own person. I learned how to cut those people out of my life but I never changed. I am still a very submissive, naive person. It's probably both nurture and nature, I just am this way. I can figure out when I'm being taken advantage of with everyone else.

Perhaps some of both as you suggested. It seems to be more of an accepted belief, that we are a product of our environment, and our innate (nature) personality. Had you the benefit of a different nurture situation, you might have had the balance you needed, but you didn't get that.

xdude wrote:Hey cahokian,

I have no great advice other than usual stuff, working with a therapist my help, but I think your insights are very valid...

Thanks for your reply xdude. I was just shooting in the dark there, didn't really know what to expect.

I do want to work with a therapist. I just don't know where to start, how to find one, etc. Any recommendations how I can search for someone who is knowledgeable in HPD or children of cluster B?

Best,

Cahokian

Yea, that's always a tough thing with finding a therapist. You really just to ask those questions as early as possible, and if you do decide to go for a visit, it's perfectly fine for you interview the therapist too. You have the right to be comfortable that the therapist aligns with your needs.