HPD and bisexuality (Nons & HPDs)

I have two questions for anyone out there who can answer them please.
1.) Is HPD the female version or ASPD?
2.) Is there a correlation between bisexuality and HPD?
When I was first sexually abused it was by a female who was also abused by someone else.
I think other females are beautiful however, I could not even imagine going to bed with any of them, they don’t have the part of a man’s body I really like. I grew up in church and we were taught homosexuality is a sin and people who practice such behaviours will burn in hell. So can someone be confused about their orientation at all.

There are some theories that HPD and ASPD are related, that one is the female version of the other, but because it's harder for men to use a direct sexually provocative approach they use different strategies to obtain multiple sex partners.

I do think there may be a correlation between faked bi-sexuality and HPD, because several cultures encourage the notion that female on female action is HOT, though it may be driven by males who have some overt or covert wish to have sex with other women without reprise. So it can be attention getting to be bi-sexual, males encourage it, and direct attention to it, since it implies that a guy who becomes involved with a bi-sexual female might have opportunities for approved of sex with another woman. The person with HPD would get attention out of the deal; the males opportunities for condoned sex with another woman. I don't see much evidence of the reverse situation though, male on male sexuality for attention with a secondary benefit of females having more than one male.

That's my observation, it could be wrong of course.

It really is sad, I have used all kinds of lies to get a guy to pay me some attention. I make them sexual promises that I don't intend to keep but they don't know that. I tell them what they want to hear until we start dating then it all changes. I figure they are all nasty freaks so I use sex to get them where I want them, then the real me comes out and they don't seem to like the real me as much as their sex goddess. The real me is very boring. I don't know to get a guy to like me for me. I hate it when my boyfriends pay attention to other females. I totally freak out. This one so called consellor said I need better self-esteem.

All cluster B disorders are probably related, I don't think it is a female version of HPD, some could argue it is the femaile version of NPD, and other specialists think it is a flavior of BPD.

About bisexuality, there is a discussion I have started. I think since the HPD identity is not very well formed and they are suggestible, there might be a relation, but not in the sense of a real bisexual. Read Masquerade replies to my questions. I think that because of the particular reciprocation of the attention, a HPD would be more able to be attracted by a female, if she feels she does an effect on her and desired.

for my HPD friend, who claimed bisexuality, I don't think it was necessarily a biological desire that fueled her but more of a desire for attention. My friend 'dated' several women and men, both types of relationships were more geared towards attention-gathering than actual love or desire on her part. My friend was more comfortable with women to an extent, because she felt 'safe' that they weren't just trying to get sex from her. Some of her 'lesbian' dating relationships were actually pretty asexual - she would be seen with another woman in a 'couple', yet their actual bedroom activities were slim to non-existant. ( I know this because a couple 'ex lesbian lovers' of hers told me she was very uninterested in sexual activity, mostly just wanted to cuddle them and be held by them.)

In another vein, my friend used these relationships with women to provoke increased interest from men. They in turn saw her as unattainable, and more desirable, and thus were willing to go to further extremes in giving her attention.

Around the period from the 1940's to the 1970's some psychologists/psychiatrists thought that HPD was the female version of psychopathy. Due to the nature of my exposure and relationship to someone I know (not on this forum), at times I wondered if this was true. Millon first described the Disingenuous HPD subtype (presents antisocial features); this is probably a case of HPD in combination with AsPD. I also have strong impressions that the more severe and early the abuse an HPD has suffered (either physical, sexual, or emotional/psychological) the more likely there will be severe narcissism, self-centeredness, and other antisocial components to their behavior. Obviously individual temperment will play a factor as well. I know of a few cases where HPD's have committed moderate crimes against other people, but this seems less common and less severe than the criminal activity seen in AsPD's, whose supply often involves being very much in power over, or taking possessions from, their victims. The Disingen HPD I know seems more like a sociopath (an otherwise normal person who is very angry and acting out of paranoia and narcissisitic identification with the aggressor and mild psychological sadism due to the possible abuse) rather than a primary psychopath, because she has windows where exhibits depression and empathy and remorse, not often seen in primary psychopaths.

Re HPD bi-sexuality interesting question. I don't know any bisexual HPD's intimately or in person although it has come up on the forum so no doubt it occurs, but the question is: is it genuine bi-sexual attraction, or only additional attention/ supply from women - facultative bisexuality, like normally straight men who end up in prison often engage in facultative homosexuality. Since homosexual male HPD's are well known in the gay community pure lesbian HPD's are possible; the interesting question would it be would the more masculine half of the lesbian pair exhibiting the HPD traits or PD, or would HPD be more likely to be seen in the feminine member of the couple, and is she more likely to be bi-sexual or pure lesbian.

Too bad we don't have more members of the bi and gay and lesbian community to comment on this...

There is a theory that sexuality is part of a spectrum and that no one is wholly straight or gay, but part of a continuum. Sexuality may be repressed or denied and not brought to conscious awareness and some people who assert that they are 100% straight or gay may be partially in denial. I don't know the truth of this as it is only a theory.

I believe myself to be straight, although there are certain women I admire and even find attractive, usually strong feisty females like Annie Lennox or Alanis Morisette. This may because they have certain traits that I aspire to, or because I find them attractive. I don't know.

When I split from a narc ex some years ago,who was extremely abusive, I decided to stay single for quite some time, and was mainly celibate. I had been stung really hard by him and had to work on rebuilding my self esteem. At that time I had a close female friend who was straight and I found myself fantasising about her, and wondered if I was actually gay. I even went so far as to join a lesbian dating site, but did not have more than one date with anyone and did not sleep with them. It felt quite alien. I believe that this was a passing phase in response to a really bad experience with a guy who was very toxic. After the split, I realised that all of my life I had been forced into an ultra feminine role and had repressed the independent, assertive, intellectual and more "masculine" aspects of my personality. I feel that this stage of my life was an attempt to express parts of me that had been suppressed.

After therapy, I learnt how to balance both sides of my personality, to express my intellect, be autonomous, and secure in who I am. Looking back on that phase of my life, I believe that the reason I seemed to "fall" for the female friend was because she was very complimentary, attentive, warm and giving. She gave me lots of attention and in my disordered state, feeling starved of any kind of attention, I lapped it up and fooled myself into believing I had feelings for her. Now that I don't look outside for validation, I no longer react in these ways to attention. I am definitely straight, although there are certain women whom I admire and aspire towards. Although I am straight, I believe that love is a complex thing, and we don't fall in love with the gender, so much as the person. If my man did not have a penis and was a female, or decided to change gender, I would still have the same feelings for him.

I agree with most of what you have said, especially falling in love with the person regardless of gender. Cuz I have thought I was falling for women who cared for me or paid me attention however, a man's penis is what I really like especially when is comes to sex. I hate four play because I was molested I was never raped. I will yell at male lovers who want to have four play and tell them to pop it so we can have some real fun or I don't want to have sex at all. I have sex issue I need to work out in therapy. I just want to feel ok with who I am. Being with a women sexually would feel very strange to me.

There was some bisexuality with mine but it seemed more like a symptom of her wild sexual lifestyle than simply to seek attention for attention's sake. Although she was more than happy to tell me all about it to get me excited haha.

Geneva wrote:I figure they are all nasty freaks so I use sex to get them where I want them, then the real me comes out and they don't seem to like the real me as much as their sex goddess. The real me is very boring. I don't know to get a guy to like me for me. I hate it when my boyfriends pay attention to other females. I totally freak out. This one so called consellor said I need better self-esteem.

Geneva, the "real you" is beautiful, you just don't believe it. The "real you" is not boring and neither is the "sex goddess" you more interesting. Many men are powerfully driven by their sexuality and HPD's realize that and use it as a way to try and convince men to "love" us. The problem is that the love of others is not sufficient to fill the void inside of us. Are there other things that make you feel good about yourself? Other places in your life where you can find a sense of self-esteem? Look to those instead of to relationships with men to help yourself feel better. No sexual game is going to ensure that a man stays with you forever. We fear abandonment above all other things because we hate the "real me." Love the real you Geneva. She deserves it, even if she has done terrible things, or things to hurt other people. We all make mistakes. It's part of the human experience.

For me, what has worked to build my self-esteem is taking a rational look at my life and all I've accomplished personally and professionally. I love my work, and the more attention I give to my work, the better I feel about myself. The same goes with my children, who love me more than anything in the world because I'm their Mom. And then some days, just talking to friends or even chatting with acquaintances at work will lift my spirits - will help me to tell myself that I am lovable. I am kind. I have many good qualities. Look for and nurture those qualities inside yourself. Meditation is something I swear by - often mantras of loving kindness will leak into your subconscious with repeated meditation. And it will also work to calm you. I tend to look for drama when I am tired or anxious, so I've learned to recognize that and calm myself instead.

This disorder is driven by self-hatred, and that self-hatred is perpetuated once you begin to become aware of your behaviors. Much of what we do is so unconscious and compulsive. When you stop and recognize it, it is shocking and frightening and you feel unable to control it. But it can be controlled through continual mindfulness. Pay attention to your tendencies and use the tools you've learned in therapy to deal with those moments.

Above all, give love to the "real you" and you won't need validation outside yourself.