HPD with incest

CAUTION – may TRIGGER. Although its not very explicit this post covers childhood sexual abuse.

Were you, or do you suspect you may have been, a victim of any type of incest?

If you are dx HPD or feel certain you meet the diagnostic criteria, or you are a “Non” who has (or had) a very close relationship to someone with HPD take a look at the following pattern of symptoms that seem connected to how an adult personality disorder might take hold and manifest itself in adulthood, based on the experience of traumatic childhood incest.

Background and explanation why this is so challenging

When someone presents for treatment and is diagnosed with a personality disorder its not always apparent if traumatic incest occurred. The patient in many, if not most, cases will be in denial, or will have totally repressed the events. Where incest is significantly suspected the best course of treatment for the PD may need to be very different, and highly sensitized to the possible existence of that type of trauma.

Perhaps more important, in the actual treatment of prior trauma, knowing the particulars of what actually happened helps unravel a better understanding of the actual mindset of the perpetrator. Beginning clues may often be found in the specific constellation of symptoms that appear years later in adult life. For instance, sadistic and nonsadistic incest offenders have very different mindsets and leave very different footprints.

A book reviewer of Slater, A. C., Transforming trauma - A guide to understanding and treating adult survivors of child sexual abuse) wrote:
Abusers are masters of introjecting their sick thought patterns into the victim's mind, and any help at recovery must begin with teasing out that subtle "other voice" -- so subtle, the victim might not even recognize that he/she has heard it ever since the abuse.

In any intimate relationship (including adult-to-adult btw…) there is introjection. With childhood incest the exploitation and trauma can have a perverse result later in adult life, where the victim becomes the aggressor. Ejecting that aggressor back out of the adult victim, without risking the introduction of yet more trauma, is clearly a challenging therapeutic task!

Help mark out the trail a bit better if you can….

• If HPD (dx or strongly indicated) and known incest – how well do any of these fit you?
• If HPD (dx or strongly indicated) and unknown incest – do these suggest incest may have been a factor in your disorder? [Be careful of triggering.]
• If HPD (dx or strongly indicated) and known for sure zero childhood incest / sexual abuse - do these patterns seem completely irrelevant to you?

Again, Nons, with very close-in knowledge, feel free to also comment on the person you know.

Incest-Related Syndromes of Adult Psychopathogy by Richard P. Kluft. Chapter 9 by Michael H Stone, M.D. wrote:
The Incest Profile

Attitudes and Personality traits

• Anger, irritability
• Jealousy
• Emotional volatility
• Mistrust suspiciousness
• Irresponsibility, disregard for social rules and customs
• Manipulativeness, exploitativeness
• Seductiveness
• Deceitfulness
• Secretiveness
• Coyness [artfully or affectedly shy or reserved; slyly hesitant; coquettish. ]
• Dependency
• Hostility
• Low self-esteem
• Masochism
• Shame

Symptoms

• Sexual dysfunction (viz., frigidity, extreme avoidance of sex; hypersexuality with nymphomania]
• Depression, suicidal preoccupation and behavior
• Self-mutilation
• Impulse dyscontrol (viz., rage outbursts, substance abuse, antisocial behavior) [Episodic dyscontrol syndrome (EDS, or sometimes just dyscontrol), is a pattern of abnormal, episodic, and frequently violent and uncontrollable antisocial behavior in the absence of significant provocation]
• Anxiety, Fearfulness
• Dissociative tendencies (viz., psychogenic fugue, multiple personality disorder)
• Dysmorphophohia [Body Dysmorphic Disorder - fixation on an imaginary flaw in the physical appearance. In cases in which a minor defect truly exists, the individual with body dysmorphic disorder exhibits an inordinate amount of anguish. Body dysmorphic disorder often is encountered in dermatologic and cosmetic surgery settings.]
• Extreme avoidance of gaze
• Nightmares

Disturbances in Object Relations

• Distorted attitudes toward sex: a tilting toward sex as a power-mechanism or enslavement or punishment of the partner, rather than as a pleasure and bonding mechanism; occasionally, a turning away from men altogether and toward homosexual object choice (especially where offending relative was cruel or humiliating); occasionally, an avoidance of specific sexual acts indulged in by the offending relative
• Abnormalities in intimacy with either avoidance of men or (more commonly) stormy relationships, with a tendency to choose abusive partners reminiscent of the original offending relative
• Primacy of the dominance/submission mode in intimate relationships, with impairment in the capacity for the (more mature) mode of cooperativeness
• Ambivalence, with a tendency to oscillate between adoration and vilification (a manifestation of "splitting")
• Infidelity
• Possessiveness
• Intense loyally to abusing relative, especially to a father, with inability to form enduring attachment to any other male
• In married women with daughters: a tendency to divorce husband when daughter reaches same age as when mother was first abused

Wisdom,

I didn't realize you had this posted in the other PD forums as well. I made my responses here: post589431.html#p589431

Take Care
~Alice

I think there was some with mine, she is just SO hypersexual even at a young age and when she gets too drunk the clothes come off(even in public)! Also she has sort of intimated to me that she was molested but I dont know. Obviously all of those symptoms apply. Makes me feel guilty for some of the hurtful things I've said to her but its hard to keep things in perspective when she targets you for manipulation Even though I tried to help her and be a good friend to her I really couldn't stop playing the games that I had to play to survive in that 1 year relationship as well as look past all the wrong she had done to me, so I was pretty combative and confrontational. I wanted to be able to show her that unconditional love that she never got from her parents but I just couldn't.

CptSaveAho, thanks for your post. Very honest, straight talk, and with obvious compassion, it just doesn't get any better than that!

CptSaveAho wrote:Obviously all of those symptoms apply. Makes me feel guilty for some of the hurtful things I've said to her but its hard to keep things in perspective when she targets you for manipulation Even though I tried to help her and be a good friend to her I really couldn't stop playing the games that I had to play to survive in that 1 year relationship as well as look past all the wrong she had done to me, so I was pretty combative and confrontational. I wanted to be able to show her that unconditional love that she never got from her parents but I just couldn't.

CptSaveAho - don't beat yourself up on this! HPD is virtually immune to even endless amounts of unconditional love. That is the tragedy. Most other diseases respond very, very well to TLC! That alone can even resolve some diseases with nothing else. That's just not the case here. You can't effect productive change all from your end alone.

For a cure of PD with incest:

• They must become aware (this is where this post tries to hone in on and perhaps help at the margin )
• They must choose to change
• They must have strong inner desire, drive and sheer willpower
• Most will require a very high quality, independent, professional, external therapist (Not a mate, especially where there been sex abuse. Lets face it mates...well, they mate! Professional therapists get very intimate, but mating is just not part of that program.)
• IMHO the therapist must be experienced with both personality disorders and skillful treatment of incest trauma

On the treatment and support end, I believe we can push the ball forward by looking at the entire trail of incest abuse, including, perhaps most importantly, the actual detailed (and of course aberrant) mindset of the abuser ...who themselves were likely abused. Ultimately the victim must come to know that aberrant mindset in great detail, as an adult, defeat it, and then tease it out of themselves. We look at here-and-now adult behaviors, that are linked back in time through the perceptual/cognitive capacities of an inner young child, subject to extreem manipulation and trauma, and on into the aberrant abuser's much more powerful and sophisticated adult mindset.

The pinch point in that journey back through time, typically decades, is easy to spot - it's the traumatized/manipulated young child. Information flowing from that inner "stuck" child in regards to the sophisticated nature of the aberrant abusers very adult mindset is very slow to elicit and accumulate at first. Information comes in the tiniest of fragments and clues, and the mosaic is large.

There is however a shortcut

Human behavior is not infinitely chaotic, patterns show up. This is very true in any trauma and particularly true in incest. Get a large enough sample from the target victim and abuser populations and elicit sufficiently granular data, the linkages then pop right up.
We catalog here-and-now adult aberrant behaviors (not decades ago) of victims and look at here-and-now (again not decades ago) adult mindset data of known, current incest abusers. With a large enough sample size on both ends we we identify "types" of resulting aberrant behaviors and "types" of abuser mindsets.

Working back and forth between these two groups, we know perversely that:

• Victims have clear compulsion to repeat early trauma episodes in oddly similar ways, and
• Victims often switch roles and become the abuser in the above compulsions to repeat

Working with the above two premises the linkages between the "types" of resulting aberrant behaviors and "types" of abuser mindsets become quite clear. We can then take a adult who presents with a specific constellation of here-and-now aberrant behaviors, and trace from those back through the linkages, and can arrive at a quite complete picture of the suspected abuser's specific mindset, albeit it the actual abuser operated some decades before.

What makes this research so appealing?

We don't have to engage the traumatized/manipulated young child that lies trapped inside the adult victim at all. We work strictly on what is going on NOW, in adult life. Best of all the Non population who knows the person with the PDs can be of incredibly helpful value at identifying the constellations of current aberrant behaviors.

Then the hard work of individualized treatment begins with a running start!

A person with a PD presents with some constellation of symptoms that suggest possible incest, with strong likelihood of repression and denial. We run that particular constellation and start forming a "picture" of what the typical abuser mindset would be. That information can slowly, delicately and professionally shared with the client in the context of very supportive therapy. Again with the emphasis on slowly and carefully!

Given a full but low resolution mossaic "picture" can be presented to the victim their inner child will likely be in a much better position to help out and fill in the smaller detailed "actual" pieces around the "speculative" chunks revealed to them. Or reject it totally. Though working with that child inside the highly unique, very REAL, "one of a kind" high resolution "photograph" can then be developed. The therapist of course only works as fast as that inner child can tolerate seeing that. Therein lies one of the true arts of therapy!

Once the reality picture is out in the open the next phase goes much quicker

Finally the picture is reality. Best of all three or more adults can now work off it. The therapist, the adult victim the trusted partner Non, and perhaps even highly trusted others. It's out in the open, no more dark shadows and deep shame and guilt. The box is finally open and sun is shining in.

From here teasing the abuser introject out of the victims mind can then proceed at a much faster pace. Its no longer the "boogy man" in the dreaded closet with a child hiding under the covers shaking in morbid fear. Its three or more adults, all with full adult faculties, all with their hands on that closet door knob, popping it right open only to find the weak, single adult perpetrator who isn't nearly the powerful monster the victim previously feared, its just a little, weak, depraved human being, and three-on-one can certainly handle that.

When it comes to incest too much is shoved to the back of the closet. The area is blacked out by social taboo! By working adult to adult the "kids" can remain protected for as long as they need it. The above "short cut" based on sufficient data can help.

CptSaveAho to help further this type of thinking, by way of illustration and without re-traumatizing yourself is there any possibility you could describe (in as non-prurient a fashion as you can) factual / specific details about your HPDs actual unusual adult behavior(s) and then anything, even speculative as to how that behavior may have been "linked" (either as victim or perpetrator) to possible childhood trauma? You say "when she gets too drunk the clothes come off(even in public)!" Can you describe how much alcohol? Describe the actual exhibitionist scenarios? Paint the picture accurately and completely as you might read in a factual police report? Can you speculate anything about her "state of mind" that you might garner from thinking about what you observed, what you remember about her totally, and perhaps just "sensed" about her combination of behaviors. Was this a clearly marked "alter" personality for her? Was she dissociated? Any noted glazed / excited / vacant / checked out look in her eyes? Was she apprehensive/shy/complicit/bold/without any "moral" restraint whatsoever? Any physical signs of sexual stimulation (racing heart, dilated pupils, engorged lips, reddish face, flushed/rosy upper torso, erect nipples - either during the public displays or afterwards? Any sexualized fluidity / coquettishness / seductiveness specifically in her body movements? Get the idea she was "pushing your buttons" sexually with this in any way - increasing your combo fear/arousal circuits - playing with your mind around its edges to make you want her, or to control you (by producing an involuntary response)? Or was she skillfully "dancing you" in to a situation where you just had to control her? For her was this apparently sexual stimulation inextricably linked with any amount of fear, frustration, or anxiety? Reliving possible prior trauma episodes? Switching any role she might have played as an child with a physically mature and cognitively very much more advanced adult, "pulling her strings?" Was she thwarting her perpetrator? Teasing the aggressor? Engaged in domination/submission power plays with her perpetrator? Immensely enjoying a feeling of "control" getting people in general or someone specifically to involuntarily gape at her? Or anything else you get upon reading through the identified symptoms in the original post, just thought-starters and launching points in the post. Did she have control of herself and was choosing these behaviors or was she acting pretty much under a compulsion?

You may find some relief yourself in this exercise if it helps you come even slightly to a better understanding of why she was, the way she was. On the other hand, if it makes you long for her or resume a white knight / rescue role, or want to break any no contact policy you have established, etc. then further discussion is likely best avoided.

Know too that you too, even as a Non you were likely traumatized by her traumatic behaviors. At least that was adult to adult. Its a very interesting area, but it's a whole other chapter....

Thanks again!

CptSaveAho to help further this type of thinking, by way of illustration and without re-traumatizing yourself is there any possibility you could describe (in as non-prurient a fashion as you can) factual / specific details about your HPDs actual unusual adult behavior(s) and then anything, even speculative as to how that behavior may have been "linked" (either as victim or perpetrator) to possible childhood trauma?

You say "when she gets too drunk the clothes come off(even in public)!" Can you describe how much alcohol?

Extreme amounts, blackout amounts really. She always described memory loss afterwards but I dont know for sure. But she drank a lot and this only happened a few times that I know of, once in front of me.


Describe the actual exhibitionist scenarios?

Just a total dissasociation fornudity, like a total disregard that it means anything. Not sexual. But she did try to sleep with me after she did it so I dont know. As soon as she did it I immediately thought she must be a sexual abuse victim. But of course she would be very overtly sexual in her bar dancing and flirting.

Paint the picture accurately and completely as you might read in a factual police report?

Nah I wont do that, too specific.

Can you speculate anything about her "state of mind" that you might garner from thinking about what you observed, what you remember about her totally, and perhaps just "sensed" about her combination of behaviors. Was this a clearly marked "alter" personality for her?

Yes, when she gets really drunk its an alter personality, and when she gets THAT drunk she has a name for it which I wont repeat. When she is just really drunk she becomes malicious, violent(so she says, I've never seen it), and tries to hurt people(also admitted), she would call me up and try to hurt me by admitting certain things. Whereas she would try to hid these things when not drunk. The sex was a lot better when she was drinking, less mechanical. She was never that great at sex in my opinion, she seemed dissasociated unless she had been drinking.

Was she dissociated? Any noted glazed / excited / vacant / checked out look in her eyes?

Dissociated and vacant, but then again she was so drunk that to not be like that is impossible.

Was she apprehensive/shy/complicit/bold/without any "moral" restraint whatsoever?

Zero moral restraint, would sleep with anything or anyone.

Any sexualized fluidity / coquettishness / seductiveness specifically in her body movements? Get the idea she was "pushing your buttons" sexually with this in any way - increasing your combo fear/arousal circuits - playing with your mind around its edges to make you want her, or to control you (by producing an involuntary response)?

This. But I dont know, it wasnt very subtle, she would just come up to me and start grabbing lol. This sort of thing happened often, the public nudity thing was rare.

Or was she skillfully "dancing you" in to a situation where you just had to control her? For her was this apparently sexual stimulation inextricably linked with any amount of fear, frustration, or anxiety? Reliving possible prior trauma episodes? Switching any role she might have played as an child with a physically mature and cognitively very much more advanced adult, "pulling her strings?" Was she thwarting her perpetrator? Teasing the aggressor? Engaged in domination/submission power plays with her perpetrator?

Not really that I could tell

Immensely enjoying a feeling of "control" getting people in general or someone specifically to involuntarily gape at her?

This, for sure, but this is classic HPD is it not?

Or anything else you get upon reading through the identified symptoms in the original post, just thought-starters and launching points in the post. Did she have control of herself and was choosing these behaviors or was she acting pretty much under a compulsion?

Not entirely sure.

You may find some relief yourself in this exercise if it helps you come even slightly to a better understanding of why she was, the way she was. On the other hand, if it makes you long for her or resume a white knight / rescue role, or want to break any no contact policy you have established, etc. then further discussion is likely best avoided.

Know too that you too, even as a Non you were likely traumatized by her traumatic behaviors. At least that was adult to adult. Its a very interesting area, but it's a whole other chapter....

Thanks again!

It does actually make me want to break no contact just because I sort of treated her like $#%^ for quite a while after I achieved indifference, sort of a power trip. Almost worse than she treated me during that span, to be honest(there was that whole "run off to the ghetto" episode, lol). But really, I couldn't help it, I've been on edge because I'm under a lot of stress and school and work and I just haven't been tolerating sh*t from anyone, especially her of all people. I was really passive-aggressive around her for the past few months, that is very unlike the codependent me that kept his mouth shut for most of the time I knew her. I won't though.

Yes, I've definitely been traumatized by her, no doubt. I could make a long list. Seeing her do the public nudity thing and having to step in was the first really traumatic experience probably.

I orginal posted into a few different PD forums. Will consolidate follow up here. Please welcome any AsPD w/ incest, NPD w/incest, BPD w/incest here. There is substantial crossover in all the cluster b's.

Great posts by AliceWonders and OneBrave Girl and a few others under the AsPD forum, on this subject, however thread goes off track quickly after that. See those posts at:
antisocial-personality/topic72580-20.html

CptSaveAho,

Wow the almost to the point of blacking out alcohol sounds like a huge complicating issue.

>Just a total disassociation for nudity, like a total disregard that it means anything. Not sexual.

Commanded to strip under a threat of violence and 100% disassociation? Like one hand doesn't know what the other is doing? Split!

>Yes, when she gets really drunk its an alter personality, and when she gets THAT drunk she has a name for it which I wont repeat.

>When she is just really drunk she becomes malicious, violent(so she says, I've never seen it), and tries to hurt people(also admitted)

Trust what she is telling you.

>she would call me up and try to hurt me by admitting certain things. Whereas she would try to hid these things when not drunk.

As she is annihilating herself with alcohol she is going to "take you down" with her.

>Was she dissociated? Any noted glazed / excited / vacant / checked out look in her eyes?
that much alcohol really complicated it. Anyone would look...well...really drunk. The alter personality however is much more concerning.

>Was she apprehensive/shy/complicit/bold/without any "moral" restraint whatsoever?
>it wasn't very subtle, she would just come up to me and start grabbing lol. This sort of thing happened often, the public nudity thing was rare.

Fairly coarse for a typical HPD. "Listen, lets get this over with"?

Immensely enjoying a feeling of "control" getting people in general or someone specifically to involuntarily gape at her?
>This, for sure, but this is classic HPD is it not?

Was looking for "anyone in general", "you specifically" or "anyone in general to PROVE TO YOU that she is highly desirable" - that is in an effort to control you, put you into fear of losing her to a rival, to show you just how trivial you are, only by her grace do you remain alive and "connected" to her because she could in an instant replace you? Or... just turned on by men desiring her in general....

>It does actually make me want to break no contact just because I sort of treated her like $#%^ for quite a while after I achieved indifference, sort of a power trip.

Virtually all will advise remain NC. The real heavy alcohol and alter personality with anti social features (stripping in public, violence) all spell not a mild disorder.

>I've definitely been traumatized by her, no doubt. I could make a long list.

Not a healthy relationship. More trauma on top of that would NOT be good. Work on yourself. Don't allow yourself to slip into rescue mode unless you can realistically say to yourself - I have zero issues on my end, 100% self actualized in every way, resources to spare. Even the, the odds are not good unless she shows an intense awareness and desire to change, and has iron willpower.

wisdom wrote:Was looking for "anyone in general", "you specifically" or "anyone in general to PROVE TO YOU that she is highly desirable" - that is in an effort to control you, put you into fear of losing her to a rival, to show you just how trivial you are, only by her grace do you remain alive and "connected" to her because she could in an instant replace you? Or... just turned on by men desiring her in general....

I'd say men in general, but there was one episode where she went after another guy specifically to try to hurt me, and it did but not in the way she expected. That was sort of mechanistic though, normally she would just be really aggressive towards me when drinking.

>It does actually make me want to break no contact just because I sort of treated her like $#%^ for quite a while after I achieved indifference, sort of a power trip.

Virtually all will advise remain NC. The real heavy alcohol and alter personality with anti social features (stripping in public, violence) all spell not a mild disorder.

>I've definitely been traumatized by her, no doubt. I could make a long list.

Not a healthy relationship. More trauma on top of that would NOT be good. Work on yourself. Don't allow yourself to slip into rescue mode unless you can realistically say to yourself - I have zero issues on my end, 100% self actualized in every way, resources to spare. Even the, the odds are not good unless she shows an intense awareness and desire to change, and has iron willpower.

No, I can't help her, I'm not that same codependent savior person I once was. I can't be slighted as she inevitably would do and not feel insulted and angry and lash out. I'm too aware of her motivations and manipulations too, I can never go back.

CptSaveAho wrote:No, I can't help her, I'm not that same codependent savior person I once was. I can't be slighted as she inevitably would do and not feel insulted and angry and lash out. I'm too aware of her motivations and manipulations too, I can never go back.

CptSaveAho,

Just wanted to show you this post by twisted that I thought was extreemly brilliant and very lucid. Its up in the BPD forum but it applies to HPD equally well.

He's talking about a term "Emotional Vampires" (there is also a book). Admittedly that can easily be deemed a derogatory term to anyone with a disorder. However Twisted is diagnosed, and speaking about himself, and speaking directly to others with BPD (which is highly correlated with HPD)

Twistedmister wrote:You've all never heard the term?

I think everyone with BPD, must realise that they are emotional vampires, before they can really get better.

For me, realising i was an emotional vampire was the most liberating thing ever...........i stopped seeing myself as a victim for the first time. Of course it didn't last.........

I also have been using the term, A LOT on the HPD forum. It's more apt. there.......(i have HPD too) and really, we are emotional vampires.

We do drain people......are you kidding? (BPD i'm talking)...............you aren't draining? How can you be moody and not draining?

How can you be depressed and not draining? We always need reassurance, and test and watch and claim that people don't do enough and we need more from them..........geez, what's not draining about that!

Oh........i wouldn't take it all so seriously though.

I mean, some of you probably will. And will be upset and angry and complain to moderators or will right back all mad, about how you aren't draining and are very giving..............all the while, pushing your emotions onto others, and making demands of them.

I don't like how BPD is misunderstood.........but i don't think referring to us as emotional vampires is one of the ways inwhich it is.

think we are emotional vampires.............look at our intense relationships? We meet someone.....and we get close to them, closer closer and closer and closer......then we're done.

We eat their emotions, we love the feeling we get from their "knowing" us..........and once we're close enough, we look for someone else to drain.

And it's always their fault............the person we leave.........or push out the door.............they didn't call me back, they forgot my birthday..........they don't understand how angry it makes me, when they don't_____________.........all our special rules and laws. Our "sunlight" if you will....

That's the bad blood.........we can't handle any hint of rejection........because it doesn't taste good. We want appreciation, we want good emotions........

Don't you ever feel "good".....when someone else feels bad? Like when someone close to you is sharing their pain and looking to you for help.........you feel good. "they trust me, they must really like me".........that's what we think, 1st. That's what makes us vampires........

I've met, i don't know.........at least 5 borderlines in my life that i had close relationships with. And they are all the same........we get super close, super fast and then they go away.

Why so close? So fast? Cause that's the tasty part..........the part that matters. IT's the long term we have issues with........that's why a pattern of unstable relationships is criteria number one........our relationships are unstable, because they aren't relationships. They're dinner..............we eat what is good, leave what is bad and are always wanting more.

I mean it could be just me..........and every borderline i've ever gotten to know. Every person with a PD i've gotten to know..........it could be that all the books and stuff, and all the countless nons that have had trouble, and all the doctors that deal with us and all the people that you've met in your life and are no longer in it..........are all wrong, and you're right.

Or it could be.........we're difficult. We're difficult, because we're draining. It's hard for people, to deal with us........because we take their energy.

Besides, aren't vampires cool nowadays?

Twisted wrote: For me, realising i was an emotional vampire was the most liberating thing ever...........i stopped seeing myself as a victim for the first time. Of course it didn't last.........

So Wisdom..

Given the above quote. What's your opinion, why it didn't last.

Better still...Why didn't it last Twisted?

okherewego212 wrote:

Twisted wrote: For me, realising i was an emotional vampire was the most liberating thing ever...........i stopped seeing myself as a victim for the first time. Of course it didn't last.........

So Wisdom..

Given the above quote. What's your opinion, why it didn't last.

Better still...Why didn't it last Twisted?

Because everything within the Borderline is transient, forever shifting and completely unstable- even their own identity.
How can anything stick and remain constant without a stable sense of who you are as a person?

Borderlines lack focus and consistancy. They easily loose their way in their emotions, thier goals, thier morals/ethics, thier thoughts, everything about them from the deepest parts of who they are is totally 'unreliable' and forever changing.

That's why nothing lasts because stability and constant is the hardest thing for a BPD to be. The mood swings and emotional chaos is only a surface symptom of the greatter struggle within themselves. The same black and white splitting they project onto others, they internalize and split themselves the same way. With all that internal fragmentation going on it becomes near impossible to maintain yourself in all aspects of 'personality' and functioning.

DISTURBANCE IN BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
Several clinical theorists have attempted to describe
the nature of identity disturbance in borderline personality
disorder. According to Kernberg (7, , identity
diffusion in patients with borderline personality organization
reflects an inability to integrate positive and
negative representations of the self, much as the patient
has difficulty integrating positive and negative
representations of others. The result is a shifting view
of the self, with sharp discontinuities, rapidly shifting
roles (e.g., victim and victimizer, dominant and submissive),
and a sense of inner emptiness. Kernberg also
emphasized the way defenses that allow patients with
borderline personality disorder to remain comfortable
with remarkable inconsistencies inhibit the capacity to
form a coherent view of themselves.
Adler and Buie (9, 10) described patients with borderline
personality disorder as suffering from a sense
of incoherence and disjointed thinking, feelings of loss
of integration, concerns about “falling apart,” and a
subjective sense of losing functional control over the
self and other forms of “self-fragmentation.” From a
self-psychological perspective, these patients lack an
ability to internalize many aspects of their primary
caregivers that would allow them to develop a cohesive
sense of self. Fonagy and colleagues (11) drew upon
empirical data with both borderline patients and maltreated
young children to emphasize the failure of patients
with borderline personality disorder to develop
the capacity to step inside the mind of another and to
imagine the way the other experiences the patient. Historically,
social identity theorists such as the symbolic
interactionists (notably George Herbert Mead) emphasized
the extent to which our views of ourselves result
from the reflected appraisals of others—that is, from
seeing ourselves in others’ eyes and hence learning
about who we are. To the extent that patients with
borderline personality disorder have difficulty seeing
themselves in the mind’s eye of another, they should
have difficulty in developing coherent identities.
Systematizing the clinical and theoretical literature,
Westen and Cohen (12) summarized the major attributes
of identity disturbance hypothesized to be central
to borderline personality disorder. These include a
lack of consistently invested goals, values, ideals, and
relationships; a tendency to make temporary hyperinvestments
in roles, value systems, world views, and relationships
that ultimately break down and lead to a
sense of emptiness and meaninglessness; gross inconsistencies
in behavior over time and across situations
disturbance
is really characteristic of borderline personality
disorder or rather of a history of severe and pervasive
sexual abuse.
The present study represents an empirical examination
of identity disturbance with two aims: to clarify
the construct of identity disturbance and to try to discern
the features of identity that distinguish patients
with borderline personality disorder from other psychiatric
patients.

Source: http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/reprint/157/4/528

Identity diffusion is something I reseacrched myself when I was trying to better understand my own circumstances with this issue and why it seems to effect me so greatly.
I hope this isn't presumtuous; but I did post a copy of my research in the BPD forum for others to look over as well. I'll post the link here and if you want to see how it happens and how it manifests, check it out borderline-personality/topic61281.html