HPD cured?

cashew wrote:a past, FULL-BLOWN HPD in my life just wrote a lengthy blog post about how she values genuine interactions now, realizes how superficial most of her relationships have been, and would like to focus on just a few "real" relationships in the future. she said she did a "social experiment" and stopped reaching out to people for attention. She observed that most did not really care about her, and now will only make efforts for people that actually reach out to her (she associates this with genuine care). she even considers herself a happy recluse now that would be "happy on a far away island."

is this legit or just #######4? it's possible that the fan club has simply become more concentrated. so those few people will now need to supply ALL of the attention needed (a scary thought, god be with those people). and if one of the chosen few stops talking to her, my guess is that she will probably quickly devalue. thoughts?

i caught on to her HPD behaviors very early on (this was about a year ago) and continuously let her know what she was doing, which basically mentally tortured her. i went NC when things got crazy.

so maybe the "considers relationships more intimate than they actually are" part has been mitigated through a gradual realization. but i'm not sure whether this constitutes an improvement at all. the one thing that HPDs will almost never understand is that true relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding (an "invisible thread") and not outward expression of care.

... it's legit her understanding, but to say she is cured is false. this is an udnerstanding that took me about a year to realize with therapy and CLOSE observation of other individuals with themselves. however truely "being" the way that causes these behaviors naturally is ... beyond us. that is my conclusion at least. she can model the behaviors to "fit in" with a non-world but to say she is cured is very very far from the truth. beware, your dating a "smart" HPD, as seeing the world through the eyes of a non is very difficult to do.

- Labor

SmileXx wrote:It's possible she alienated, literally, everyone. That happened to my ex bestfriend who was HPD.
She alienated her friends, family... everyone.

Mine is very, very close to this stage. I was hanging out with some members of her family(they're in my social circle) and they are NOT happy with her, in fact they took some of their frustrations with her out on me! I mean the whole time I was there all they did was talk about how bad she is, how she doesn't even try to hide her behavior anymore.

So I think the family is alienated, and I know that my "supply pod" social circle has been devalued, but she picks up new supply all the time. I think she has overplayed her hand among her male friends though, too many fan clubbers in the same 1-2 bars and at work, all in close proximity. That's not a good situation. If and when that thing blows up she will be desperate.

I'm hoping that this manic phase means that she is close to rock bottom and will seek help.

CptSaveAho wrote:

SmileXx wrote:It's possible she alienated, literally, everyone. That happened to my ex bestfriend who was HPD.
She alienated her friends, family... everyone.

Mine is very, very close to this stage. I was hanging out with some members of her family(they're in my social circle) and they are NOT happy with her, in fact they took some of their frustrations with her out on me! I mean the whole time I was there all they did was talk about how bad she is, how she doesn't even try to hide her behavior anymore. Apparently she is out partying literally every night, and not coming home.

From the sound of it, it seems like they knew she was a player just because she was with a lot of guys, but there was the plausible deniability of "just friends" and also my HPD would only bring a few inner circle guys around her family at a time. Now they know just about everything, somehow. They've been interogating disgruntled fan club members, which at this point are too numerous to count.

So I think the family is alienated, and I know that my "supply pod" social circle has been devalued, but she picks up new supply all the time. I think she has overplayed her hand among her male friends though, too many fan clubbers in the same 1-2 bars and at work, all in close proximity. That's not a good situation. If and when that thing blows up she will be desperate.

I'm hoping that this manic phase means that she is close to rock bottom and will seek help.

perhaps she really is reflecting on what she wants to change about herself, but it is a process. she won't be there 'magically' after making this one decision. if she can stick with it, maybe she will make some changes. that could be a possibilty of what's going on if she is really genuine about this post.

there is also the possibilty that the blog was not genuine but an attention ploy for the people who read it, for a few reasons. 1. She wants fan club members to believe she has changed, thus invest more of their emotional energy in her, 2. She wants to heighten sympathy for herself, as in, getting people to think 'look at this poor girl, all alone, and nobody will reach out to her, I should do whatever I can to help', 3. She read these words elsewhere or had a conversation with somebody else and thought it sounded 'deep' and 'legitimate' so she posted those words as her own in hopes to make herself appear 'deep', or 4. She has run out of supply because of her actions and is now being forced to contemplate what she did or how she acts.

cashew wrote:a past, FULL-BLOWN HPD in my life just wrote a lengthy blog post about how she values genuine interactions now, realizes how superficial most of her relationships have been, and would like to focus on just a few "real" relationships in the future. she said she did a "social experiment" and stopped reaching out to people for attention. She observed that most did not really care about her, and now will only make efforts for people that actually reach out to her (she associates this with genuine care). she even considers herself a happy recluse now that would be "happy on a far away island."

is this legit or just #######4? it's possible that the fan club has simply become more concentrated. so those few people will now need to supply ALL of the attention needed (a scary thought, god be with those people). and if one of the chosen few stops talking to her, my guess is that she will probably quickly devalue. thoughts?

i caught on to her HPD behaviors very early on (this was about a year ago) and continuously let her know what she was doing, which basically mentally tortured her. i went NC when things got crazy.

so maybe the "considers relationships more intimate than they actually are" part has been mitigated through a gradual realization. but i'm not sure whether this constitutes an improvement at all. the one thing that HPDs will almost never understand is that true relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding (an "invisible thread") and not outward expression of care.

I wouldn't trust anything she does or says. The blog thing should have one's radar up big time... Cuz what it SOUNDS like is that she's saying: "Reach out to me to show me you care, and maybe I'll treat you like I consider it a real relationship."
Miraculous "rebirths" as a decent human being is a ploy many HPD's pull. On some level most of them KNOW there's something wrong with them... Some will take this into account and use a bullsh!t "I'm changed" tactic to pull in those supplies (like yourself) who are onto their game.
HPD is a very deep seated disorder... People with something that major wrong with them don't just "change". (especially when what they do feels so good to THEM) It takes a long time.. and professional help to become functional healthy people.

I think ghost is on the money. Also, look at how the HPD brought up "relationships" in her post. Granted, relationship dysfunction is a huge part of the disorder but it is not at the root of it. This does not show understanding of her disorder. This was a fanclub recruitment call, calling for new relationships. Open season.

By the way, and I just realized this, you really want to get to the point where you have devalued her to the point that she devalued you. Like, you wouldn't WANT to go back to be with her, just like she would at most spend a few weeks with you because that honeymoon phase is over and you'll never be "new" to her again. With time you will get there. It can be hard though if she is significantly better looking than you're used to. I thought she was irreplaceable as far as raw attraction for a long time, even though looking back it was actually not true even then(I turned down a lot of great women for her sorry ass). Now she has gained a ton of weight but I can still empathize with those that feel they cannot do better.

-- Mon Aug 15, 2011 6:13 pm --

expressivecreative wrote:My phone has been silent for weeks .

I know you are not a typical HPD but that seems like TORTURE to a HPD. That you can deal with that shows you're recovering.

My HPD got me addicted to texting, all day every day, and then when I was devalued the text just...stopped! I remember feeling SO lonely, withdrawal from a drug. Once I knew that no texting meant "sleeping with another guy" things got REALLY bad, it was like she could hurt me no matter what, simply by not texting. It got easier as I got more and more devalued but I still text my friends just for the hell of it whereas before I didnt WANT texts(didnt even pay for them on my phone plan).

I remember one time my HPD checked her phone at dinner(she never did this until I got devalued) and said "nobody loves me" in semi-joking way because she didnt have any texts. I felt the same way

I can only speak from my personal experience with my exHPD, I dont believe she will ever be cured as there is no cure. Could she learn to manage it I believe thats possible I guess, But be cured no way.

I have wrote in the past about the emotional and verbal abuse I went through with her. I am disappointed with myself for falling for her line of wanting me back. I took the bait I believed the lies and thought the tears were real, when in fact they were just part of the game or play going on in her head.

I really feel bad for her, she will never find anyone that she will be content with she will always grow bored with that person and be constantly searching for Mr wonderful. But see he does not exist, as no one could ever fulfill their needs.

I will admit I miss the good times that we had, But I know those were not real because she is not real. She is just like scenes in a movie constantly changing and its all acting. And the sooner those of us that were with them realize this then we can move forward. The woman we fell for was just a act and the act is over and it will never return.
The only thing to gain by remaining with a HPD is more verbal and emotional abuse and that my friends is just not healthy.

I know its hard because it is for me also but we need to forget those good times because they will never return.

Beaten_Down wrote:I can only speak from my personal experience with my exHPD, I dont believe she will ever be cured as there is no cure. Could she learn to manage it I believe thats possible I guess, But be cured no way.

I think there can be a cure if the HPD is more introspective. That is, not an ESFP-the classic HPD personality type(although I think Wendy is an ESFP and she is very insightful and also very young). I think that the classic HPD's struggle because even if they want help they arent introspective enough to achieve it. Could be wrong though, and miracles do happen.

You could be right, Hopefully they will be able to cure these disordered people its sad to watch and even worse to be caught up in it thats for sure.

I believe there is a wonderful person locked away inside of her, But who knows if that part of her will ever emerge.

the title of this thread was more to attract attention (haha...) and inspire controversy so people could have their own fruitful discussions. i agree that until you truly see a complete change in attitude for an extended period of time, you can't be considered recovered. you have to undo 20+ years of mental habits, which is impossible for most. if she really was recovered, she wouldn't talk about changing but simply change, which has been identified in this thread.

i think "forgive them for they know not what they do" still applies for most HPDs.