Does my ex have NPD or HPD?

I recently got dumped by my girlfriend who is 8 years older than me, and I think she might have a personality disorder. Either a narcissist or a histrionic.

I meet her at work about a year ago. She was goodlooking so I started flirting with her. She was in a relationship that had lasted for 14 years, and had recently (1 month prior to meeting me) bought an expensive house with that guy. I told her I really liked her and we started giving each other compliments and going for coffee and things like that. Then one day she wanted to have sex with me. I said no, because I felt bad for the other guy. The very next day she broke up with him.

I was a bit shocked at how easily she could discard a man she'd lived with for 14 years, and asked her if she really should be committing herself to a new relationship so quickly. "My friends asks me that to, but I feel this is the right thing to do", she told me.

Two days after that she said "you know I'm crazy, right?", and then told me she had been, and still was, in therapy for the last 8 years. She said her partner forced her to go because she had anger tantrums almost every day. She then went on telling me that she just found out that her brother had been sexually molested by their father when he was a boy, and that she was not allowed to speak with her parents about it. Big warning signs, I suppose.

After another week she told me she had decided to have children. She never wanted children before since she did not want the child to have a bad childhood, like the one sha had. But now she had decided that she wanted a child so that she could have a family of her own, because she hated her parents.

I should stop here and say that she was an incredibly charming woman. Selfemployed, successful, friends who all seemed to have excelled in their line of work. She gav me constant compliments, and told me what a wonderful person I was. She wanted to have sex all the time. And she seemed to like everything I liked.

she often told me how she liked to say things to people to get a reaction out of them. Like telling a person he did a great job, even though the job was mediocre. She was the life of the party, always laughing and wanting to be the center of attention.

I let her stay at my place while she was moving between apartments. I wnt sholping for furniture with her and helped assemble them. She never wanted me to do boring things with her if it did not benifit her. For example, I once asked her if I could do some of my laundry at her place, since I missed my laundry time. She was not keen on the idea and said that she really did not want me doing laundry when I could be with her, loving her.

Everytime I went to see my friends or family she was furios at me when I came back, questioning how I could choose to spend time with them instead of her. I never questioned any of her contacts with her friends or family (whom see meet though claiming to hate them).

A month after we started seeing each other she asked me to move in with her, I said we should wait I while and get to know each other better.

If she asked me if I wanted to hang out, and I said I was busy, she told me that I can say no to her, but I then must realize that I would make her upset. So I said no, she said: "I hate when you say no to me, but that is what I love about you".

She did not take any birth control pills because she did not want to ruin her chances of getting pregnant. Instead, she tried to educate me about when her most and least fertile periods were. Once after we had had sex, she told me that she was in her most fertile period. She said it smiling, and I eventually got her to take a morning after pill. When she took a pregnancy test three weeks later, she was devastated when it was negative.

Sh often cried about the fact that she was the last one of her friends to not have children. At the same time she saw faults in all her friends relationships, saying that the relationships were not going to last. She convinced one of her friends to divorce her husband. The husband was convinced that my girlfriend and his ex wife were lesbians because of all the contact they were having.

When we were out driving in the countryside, she could say to me that I should live in a house (I enjoy nature) abd in the following sentence she would say that she could never live outside the city.

After about six months I started feeling depressed, mostly because of my new job, which I did not like. I got very tired and had constant headaches. I got the job so that I could live in the same city as her. I told her about me being depressed, and that it might take awhile for me to recover. I isolated myself from everyone else, my family, lost the few friends that I had. She was almost my only contact with people outside of work.

After I said that she started to make herself unavailible. If I wanted to talk about how I was feeling she told me to get a therapist. I still comforted her when she was feeling sad about her brother.

One day we had agreed to meet. An hour before we were going to meet, she phoned me up and asked me if I was interested in a job. The job would mean working at the same company as her for six months. I asked her if we could talk about it when we meet, and she said that was fine. When I got to her place she sat me down at her kitchen table. Sh then said she wanted to end our relationship. When I asked why she said that I was not giving her enough attention and confirmation. I said that I was going through a rough patch, but that I was feeling better. She then said she had meet someone new. When did that happen, I asked her. Yesterday, she told me. She then went on telling me that she had never been so sad as when she was together with me. So I sat there and cried while she fixed herself dinner. When she had finished eating she asked me if she was going to have to throw me out. So I left.

That is were I am at the moment. I have a job I hate, in a city where I do not know anybody, and my depression is worse than ever. She has no contact with me, but I know she is in a relationship that is moving forward fast. Do you think she might have some sort of personality disorder?

She probably is a HPD. Your ex doesn't sound too narcissistic.

I agree. But she is right: You should see a therapist and consider medication when you are depressed. The earlier the better.

I know from my own experience that it's a sad kind of consolation because it diminishes the significance of the relationship: It's not about you. There is nothing wrong with you. But that offers relief on the other hand. Understand that this person is probably disordered and will treat others in similar ways.

See this one from a self-awar histrionic: histrionic-personality/topic67887.html

Even though it hurts a lot now you will realize soon that you were being bled of your emotional energy and you are better off no contact. The real challenge is your own personal inventory and therapy, and, if she comes back and tries to re-acquire you.