So what lesson have you learn?

I've learned that I still have issues that results in my being attracted to women with cluster B issues; and worse, the types who are unaware they have issues.

I've learned things about HPD I never knew before.

I've re-learned what I knew but blocked out, that who people really are inside and who they appear to be when you first meet them are often radically different.

I've learned that I was right all along in being not attracted to women who exhibit HPD behaviors, and that if one is going to have an intimate relationship with someone who strongly exhibits those behaviors, that it's to be expected that those behaviors (while not necessarily a bad thing when one is single) probably won't stop even after they are in a committed relationship.

I've learned that it's okay to be assertive (even if necessary, confrontational) when hurt. It really won't drive the other person away, and if it does, that's probably just as well.

There have been some positives too, as well as many ego strokes along the way (her and her friends were certainly very complimentary always). In many ways I feel like I'm more valuable than I ever have in the past, and I've let out sides of my personality I had previously suppressed for reasons I don't even quite understand about myself. I certainly can't say it was all bad. We had some amazingly good times including she was someone capable of being as passionate in bed as I'm capable of. I've learned it does feel amazing to feel alive.

CptSaveAho wrote:
It will never be as bad as the first time because you have this forum as a crutch, but just look at my example. The more disaffected you are, the higher they raise the stakes. I went back to her repeatedly, as a lover and as a friend and the manipulations apparently never stopped. You still havent been through the "deluding myself into thinking its just about sex" post-honeymoon phase that most of us have been in, be thankful for that. But whatever you do, we will be here to support you. And if you DO go through that phase, make absolutely sure that you have other women on the side. I got cocky and had a few and let myself get sucked back in(for the third time) and I lost all those women and was stuck with her. Then she burned me bad and I came here.

This is probably the small trait of narcissism inside of me, but for some reason I feel like I want to show her I'm the best. That I'm not one of those weak nice guys she suckers and that I'm the man (not in a macho kind of way though ).It's kind of crazy. My feeling are still there but I'm no fool. Once you trick me it's hard to do it a second time. Anyway, I made sure to educate myself of the cost and benefits should the moment arise. I will continue to do so. I won't be going out of my way to talk to her, but if she came back to me I wouldn't turn her away. But yeah the rose tinted glasses are gone and I see her for who she truly is.

LightZero wrote:

CptSaveAho wrote:
It will never be as bad as the first time because you have this forum as a crutch, but just look at my example. The more disaffected you are, the higher they raise the stakes. I went back to her repeatedly, as a lover and as a friend and the manipulations apparently never stopped. You still havent been through the "deluding myself into thinking its just about sex" post-honeymoon phase that most of us have been in, be thankful for that. But whatever you do, we will be here to support you. And if you DO go through that phase, make absolutely sure that you have other women on the side. I got cocky and had a few and let myself get sucked back in(for the third time) and I lost all those women and was stuck with her. Then she burned me bad and I came here.

This is probably the small trait of narcissism inside of me, but for some reason I feel like I want to show her I'm the best. That I'm not one of those weak nice guys she suckers and that I'm the man (not in a macho kind of way though ).It's kind of crazy. My feeling are still there but I'm no fool. Once you trick me it's hard to do it a second time. Anyway, I made sure to educate myself of the cost and benefits should the moment arise. I will continue to do so. I won't be going out of my way to talk to her, but if she came back to me I wouldn't turn her away. But yeah the rose tinted glasses are gone and I see her for who she truly is.

I did all that the hard way, I remember saying "I'll NEVER be one of your little b**** boys"....when we were both crying after I let her have it when she ran off and she brought up her screwed up childhood. LOL. You can prove your worth by getting a hotter GF or even by turning her down if she comes back. I'm by far the best guy she has gotten so far, but she looks good enough that she could probably do better or as well.

CptSaveAho wrote:I did all that the hard way, I remember saying "I'll NEVER be one of your little b**** boys"....when we were both crying after I let her have it when she ran off and she brought up her screwed up childhood. LOL. You can prove your worth by getting a hotter GF or even by turning her down if she comes back. I'm by far the best guy she has gotten so far, but she looks good enough that she could probably do better or as well.

There is another thing my ex showed to me. That is being a bachelor is great. No commitment or obligations. If I be honest with myself I always felt a bit tied down with my ex. She wanted to make things too serious while I just wanted simplicity. We are both young and can wait a few years for the serious stuff at least that what I thought. Unfortunately, I got too caught up her dream of settling down and having a family one day. Currently, I'm keeping my options open for that right girl but I'm in no rush to find her. However, should she return sometime soon I will definitely keep myself from getting too emotionally involve.

Anyway thank you all for the responses of what you learned with your HP. Hopefully other nons will get to the point where they can share the lessons they learned.