Does this new friend of mine has hpd? HELP

Hi everyone,

New to this website, but I have been following your posts.

I have suffered from depression in the past and done a lot of research and I think this new friend of mine has hpd.

I just want to know so that I can protect myself from her ( this is my issue arising cant trust people)

So I started working with this girl, i thought straight away how wonderful she was, shes amazing looking fun, intelligent and easy to talk to, I mean If I were a man i'd fall in love with her in no time.

As the time went on I started to notice certain things about her that kinda put me off, shes always trying to draw attention to herself, I mean constantly, via being outrageous sexual statements or being extremely flirty and by hurting herself.


She flirts not only with men but with women too including me, but only when there is a lot of other people when we are on our own her behaviour changes ever so slightly because she doesn't have an audience. Shes quite insecure about the way she looks so shes always looking for reassurance, despite looking amazing, she always has make up on the hair done the works u name it.

Now, the first time she came around for dinner, she hurt her back at work, she could barely walk ( aparently) so the dinner party attention was drawn to her, her back hurt but she wanted to play a game that involved movement of her back....
At work ( we work together) she was fine one minute then all of a sudden she hurt her foot and she thought it was broken well it turned out not be anything, I believe she did hurt her foot but she looked like she was enhancing the pain just for the attention.

At this dinner party she kept interrupting her best friend, taking the spotlight away from her every time she tried to talk

She always wants to help everyone i mean EVERYONE she wants to be the hero, the helper. And if I have an idea at work she comes after my idea and just says nothing meaningful but with a very elaborated speech. If somebody is taking the spotlight from her she goes in and makes it all about her.

I like this friend of mine but I dont know if I should trust somebody like this, shes the type to come across as a hero will be nosy but just to help, if you know what I mean. I know shes had a hard time and that she suffered from depression just like me. I just dont know if shes aware of her behaviour its very draining.

For an instance, I was going to tell my other friend about our afternoon together, she popped in out of nowhere and said, you going to tell about what I did are you? smiling and call me a cow in a joke sort of way, I said yes...i wasnt going to but i felt she wanted me to talk about her and she automatically assumed I was going to. She also exaggerates things and distorts what really happen to make it more exciting, i have noticed this in more than one occasion.


So far she matches all the traits.



Extremely seductive with both sexes - flirts with EVERYONE
Always trying to draw attention to herself - Dancing on the top of a bar
Pretending she hurts herself ( hurt her back her foot)
Inappropriate sexual remarks - I like it rough ( in front of my partner that she doesnt really know that well)
exaggeration of reality - Im soooooooo drunk, when shes really not
Low self esteem - I dont want to show this and that in my body
exaggeration of emotions - its soooo funny she will pretend to laugh hard as she never laughed before
Elaborate speech that doesnt mean anything
drama! ( in a staff meeting she stormed off with her fone)

these are just a few examples I just dont want to go on about it

My question is:

Can I trust somebody like this, I know shes isnt a bad person and I really like her despite these things, but I have trouble trusting people should I run or should I stay?

bet the farm on HPD. I wouldn't bring my partner around her but its ok to be civil with her.

I don't see any reason why you can't be friends with her, unless you find drama and attention seeking a drain on you, and as long as you don't expect much from her in terms of loyalty.

If she does have a histrionic personality, she will want to have a LOT of friends. It will be important to her that MANY people like her, want her, admire her, etc. as that is one way she may cope with an inner lack of self-esteem. A lot of friends is proof (in her mind) that she is valuable.

The problem is this... it's impossible to make everyone happy all the time.

So should there come a time when she has to choose your feelings over other friends, don't expect much loyalty. She may juggle your feelings aside in favor over some nobody she has just met. You may feel hurt that a friend would so lightly toss aside your feelings for nobody. But for her, your feelings aren't that important to her. What is important is that she has a lot of people who like her. Quantity of friends matters more to her than quality of friendships.

Anyway you can trust her from the point of view of she is probably not malicious. You can't trust her if you define a friend as someone who you have built a long history of trust with, who is someone special, so special that you'd choose their feelings over strangers.

xdude wrote:Anyway you can trust her from the point of view of she is probably not malicious. You can't trust her if you define a friend as someone who you have built a long history of trust with, who is someone special, so special that you'd choose their feelings over strangers.

Oh, they are VERY malicious to their female friends and try to steal their boyfriends.
They treat them worse than their male friends.

Actually Captn you may be right about that. I have limited experience, but agree that in my limited experience, other females are often devalued much more than males.

xdude wrote:Actually Captn you may be right about that. I have limited experience, but agree that in my limited experience, other females are often devalued much more than males.

The males get more emotionally tortured but the females get flaked on to an extreme. I was talking to a mutual female friend and it became clear that she had been flaked on in favor of me a number of times.

Here is the pecking order:

1.New Supply(never flakes, could get out unscathed if they see the red flags and act on them)
2.Steady inner-circle supply(only flakes in favor of new supply or other inner-circle suppliers-scheduling conflicts, these guys are in for a big dissapointment)
3.Slut friends(a bridge to achieving New Supply)
4.Male outer circle friends with benefits(flakes quite a bit, not a great place to be as many of them probably think they are inner circle)
5a.Normal female friends(flakes all the time until they leave, steals boyfriends and male suitors, but doesnt emotionally manipulate like they do to males.)
5b.Male platonic friends(I dont think my HPD was platonic with anyone(!) but if she was then I guess this would suck because she flirted to an EXTREME, emotional manipulation but no flaking/scheduling conflicts...usually pretty bad looking guys/VERY old guys, and they'd have to be bad to not even get a crack at #4 because she had no standards at ALL).

CptSaveAho wrote:

xdude wrote:Actually Captn you may be right about that. I have limited experience, but agree that in my limited experience, other females are often devalued much more than males.

The males get more emotionally tortured but the females get flaked on to an extreme. I was talking to a mutual female friend and it became clear that she had been flaked on in favor of me a number of times.

Here is the pecking order:

1.New Supply(never flakes, could get out unscathed if they see the red flags and act on them)
2.Steady inner-circle supply(only flakes in favor of new supply or other inner-circle suppliers-scheduling conflicts, these guys are in for a big dissapointment)
3.Slut friends(a bridge to achieving New Supply)
4.Male outer circle friends with benefits(flakes quite a bit, not a great place to be as many of them probably think they are inner circle)
5a.Normal female friends(flakes all the time until they leave, steals boyfriends and male suitors, but doesnt emotionally manipulate like they do to males.)
5b.Male platonic friends(I dont think my HPD was platonic with anyone(!) but if she was then I guess this would suck because she flirted to an EXTREME, emotional manipulation but no flaking/scheduling conflicts...usually pretty bad looking guys/VERY old guys, and they'd have to be bad to not even get a crack at #4 because she had no standards at ALL).

Me: New supply for a month. Perhaps I should see myself as a success story

Hey George,

Was your relationship, you are so hurt over, only one month?

okherewego212 wrote:Hey George,

Was your relationship, you are so hurt over, only one month?

Yep: histrionic-personality/topic63815.html

First I was doing ok. But as time passed by I slid into rumination mode. Unfortunately I'm repeating dating and relationship pattern over and over again. And realizing that sucks.

okherewego212 wrote:
Hey George,

Was your relationship, you are so hurt over, only one month?

Gearge wrote: Yep

Why such heartache? One month is like a date. No one makes a commitment after only one month.

Were you in love with her for years before you started to date or something? Sort of a fan club guy that never got a turn?

Sorry, I don't know your whole story.