Why does she do this?

confused1010 wrote:It just seems like an exhausting process, and ultimately part of the reason they jump from supply to supply I guess.

I do want to know however- she likes to mention and talk about people that she knows I'm not friends with anymore (it's a sore topic for me)- does she do this for attention because she knows it will get a reaction out of me?

Perhaps she's trying to manipulate you in some way or you did something to upset her. Once a HPD know your weakness, they won't hesitate to exploit it to suit their own ends. My ex girlfriend would throw my friend in my face whenever I don't want to comply to something. She knew damn well that I hate being compared to my friend in any sort of way. I saw him as my rival, but that's my own issue. She does that deliberately in order to stick it to me and motivate me to do what she wants. Luckily my friend despise her anyway.

confused1010 wrote:

This is why they try to keep everyone happy about them, all at the same time, in the process not making anyone happy fully.

It just seems like an exhausting process, and ultimately part of the reason they jump from supply to supply I guess.

I do want to know however- she likes to mention and talk about people that she knows I'm not friends with anymore (it's a sore topic for me)- does she do this for attention because she knows it will get a reaction out of me?

It's not exhausting for her

I don't know why my EX did it but all I can say is if it's bothersome walk away, do what feels right for you. I agree with LightZero; you react negatively, she gets something out of that, while walking the fence by do nothing explicitly/clearly wrong. After all on the face of it, you might even have trouble explaining to someone else why it's a sore spot for you, but it is, and she picks up on that.

She even brings up events like a fight that happened over 10 years ago! (It's funny because they remember exactly what you did to them, yet don't recall ever doing anything bad to you!!)

I was just being facetious !!!....(Well...sorta ! )

It just seems like an exhausting process, and ultimately part of the reason they jump from supply to supply I guess.

Its not as exhausting as it is to a normal person, but people with HPD do get exhausted too, trying to keep all channels of supply open. But its the only mode they know to live life. They want everything of everything (childish entitlement) and in the process get nothing of anything.

I do want to know however- she likes to mention and talk about people that she knows I'm not friends with anymore (it's a sore topic for me)- does she do this for attention because she knows it will get a reaction out of me?

No, she's not really trying to get a reaction out of you in the beginning, though in the end that is what happens. She mentions and talks about people, without caring what you feel, because she is self-centered and lacks empathy to understand how that might hurt you. And when you feel hurt and tell her, she might actually be surprised that you are making such a big issue out of what she thinks is a small one. In her mind she was just casually playing around (immaturity).

Ofcourse, once she knows its a sore topic, she will sometimes try and push your boundaries when she needs attention from you. Crossing your boundaries is a bad behavior of hers to test for your attention, and until you stop being sore about it and find a simple yet strict way of enforcing your own boundaries, she will employ it.

You have to keep in mind that much of a disordered person's behavior is just plain bad, inconsistent behavior driven by lack of empathy and poor self-worth issues. There is nothing much you or anyone can do to "save" or "reform" her.

searchfortruth wrote:

It just seems like an exhausting process, and ultimately part of the reason they jump from supply to supply I guess.

Its not as exhausting as it is to a normal person, but people with HPD do get exhausted too, trying to keep all channels of supply open. But its the only mode they know to live life. They want everything of everything (childish entitlement) and in the process get nothing of anything.

I do want to know however- she likes to mention and talk about people that she knows I'm not friends with anymore (it's a sore topic for me)- does she do this for attention because she knows it will get a reaction out of me?

No, she's not really trying to get a reaction out of you in the beginning, though in the end that is what happens. She mentions and talks about people, without caring what you feel, because she is self-centered and lacks empathy to understand how that might hurt you. And when you feel hurt and tell her, she might actually be surprised that you are making such a big issue out of what she thinks is a small one. In her mind she was just casually playing around (immaturity).

Ofcourse, once she knows its a sore topic, she will sometimes try and push your boundaries when she needs attention from you. Crossing your boundaries is a bad behavior of hers to test for your attention, and until you stop being sore about it and find a simple yet strict way of enforcing your own boundaries, she will employ it.

You have to keep in mind that much of a disordered person's behavior is just plain bad, inconsistent behavior driven by lack of empathy and poor self-worth issues. There is nothing much you or anyone can do to "save" or "reform" her.

I think, talking about other people you were or still are close with is simply about getting information about your relationships, weighing her options, checking out potential competition, checking out potential new relationsips for her. She doesn't know whether you are still close to them or not. If this other person is a woman she is obviously potential competition.

searchfortruth wrote:Its not as exhausting as it is to a normal person, but people with HPD do get exhausted too, trying to keep all channels of supply open. But its the only mode they know to live life. They want everything of everything (childish entitlement) and in the process get nothing of anything.

Again thank you searchfortruth. This precisely a key reason I gave up on the HPD GF in my life. She wanted to keep all channels of supply open, and in doing so, couldn't stand behind me, one of a few people who really cared. And yes I agree. It's a kind of childish entitlement to wish to be so special that 'everyone loves me' but I guess it's the polar opposite of not being loved/special to her own parents.

My friend has moments where she freaks out, like last night she texted me, left me a voicemail message, and then finally called my house phone. She was having a bad day and was freaking out. I couldn't talk, but she then goes on to call other people to presumably reassure her that everything is okay.

Other people might casually mention their bad day, but not have it ruin their whole day. (Unless it's sickness or death related.) I called her back and tried to reassure and reason with her, but it didn't help/matter to her. What is the best way to handle a situation like this? Is it better to just listen?

confused1010 wrote:Other people might casually mention their bad day, but not have it ruin their whole day. (Unless it's sickness or death related.) I called her back and tried to reassure and reason with her, but it didn't help/matter to her. What is the best way to handle a situation like this? Is it better to just listen?

In general it's best to let people who need to vent do so, and listen. But the problem is if you are dealing with someone who has issues with say, BPD, HPD, or I guess you could say a Drama King/Queen, is that you can get sucked into being their never ending support system.

Not only can being their support emotionally drain you, but worse still, when the day comes that you can't listen (or won't due to being tired yourself), they can turn on you. Turn completely like they've entirely forgotten about all the times before that when you were there for them.

There is a lack of emotional consistency that doesn't allow them to see you as another person. They don't think in terms of this is my friend, my friend has a life too, my friend is often there for me and I appreciate that, I appreciate my friend even on the days when they can't be there to listen. Instead it's more like dealing with a child who really doesn't understand that a parent is a person; the child just knows they want what they want in the moment and the parent can provide what they want.

So basically, listening is fine as long as you're aware if this is someone who meets the above description. If so, you basically have to set limits all along about when, how often, and for how long you'll be their support. People like those I describe above kind of need to be treated like children, and we take on the parental role and place limits on a consistent basis.

When she has issues the optimum way for her is certainly to start psychotherapy. But what you can do to help her do that or if should do anything about that is a completely different question.