Why does she do this?

okherewego212 wrote:Hey Xdude,

I think you have to look from a child's point of view as well, but one that was raised with zero discipline from parents or had been raised by "total nut" case parents.

Not sure many of us could think like that....

Maybe just thinking about the bratiest most spoiled self centered kid you ever knew growing up, might be a better analogy.

Its so strange out they end up acting like spoiled kids when many of them are anything but. The physical attractiveness and being spoiled by society because of that mirrors being spoiled from birth by parents, pretty amazing. At the end of the day its all learned behavior based on rewarding mechanisms.

I know a three year old girl, since her birth. I'm not her father, but I'm probably the one male she had contact with most often. I love her she probably loves me, too. Everytime she sees me she flashes her belly to me, starts smiling and dancing and telling me how her day was. I think that is somehow the state of developement histrionics are stuck in.

Cpt wrote:Its so strange out they end up acting like spoiled kids when many of them are anything but. The physical attractiveness and being spoiled by society because of that mirrors being spoiled from birth by parents, pretty amazing. At the end of the day its all learned behavior based on rewarding mechanisms.

Cpt: I think you are starting to get it.

There is always a cause to a disorder. Sad to say, neglect by parents, generaly poor parenting, being the "golden child" or poor role models are the root of it.

Genetics has to factored in as well.

We recently met up with another girl who just got married, and my friend was pretty quiet during dinner. Afterwards, my friend was making fun of me and said I had a wide nose and small teeth. She also asked if the girl we met up with was a better teacher than she was. "Is she better than me?" she asked.

So her attitude significantly changed since meeting with something who is married, and since my friend is single- is this why she was giving me a hard time? I didn't say anything to her to elicit this reaction- it just happened out of no where. (Of course, it makes sense to her.) Is this the 3- year-old inside of them having a tantrum for someone who has something (marriage) that they don't? Why did she take it out on me- just because I was there?

Confused wrote:it just happened out of no where. (Of course, it makes sense to her.) Is this the 3- year-old inside of them having a tantrum for someone who has something (marriage) that they don't? Why did she take it out on me- just because I was there?We recently met up with another girl who just got married, and my friend was pretty quiet during dinner. Afterwards, my friend was making fun of me and said I had a wide nose and small teeth. She also asked if the girl we met up with was a better teacher than she was. "Is she better than me?" she asked.

So her attitude significantly changed since meeting with something who is married, and since my friend is single- is this why she was giving me a hard time? I didn't say anything to her to elicit this reaction- it just happened out of no where. (Of course, it makes sense to her.) Is this the 3- year-old inside of them having a tantrum for someone who has something (marriage) that they don't? Why did she take it out on me- just because I was there?

You know, there comes a time when the person keeps asking the same old , same old.

Dude, you are the issue.

You need to give up this relationship with her!

confused,

At some point you need to turn your questions from trying to understand her back to yourself. Ask why do you want to remain this persons friend? You're getting something out of it or you'd not remain her friend.

Thanks- it's just difficult to process the whole she is friendly,then can suddenly turn on me and lash out a second later.

Confused wrote:Thanks- it's just difficult to process the whole she is friendly,then can suddenly turn on me and lash out a second later.

Well if it is that confusing and difficult for you to process, than end the relationship with her.

Well, anyway, good luck with that.

Hard to try to help someone that won't help themselves.

confused1010 wrote:Thanks- it's just difficult to process the whole she is friendly,then can suddenly turn on me and lash out a second later.

Well I suppose that's one of those things about cluster B personality disorders. It can be confusing and while we're drawn to the person when we are on their white list, we are confused (and wonder what we did wrong) when moments later we're on their black list.

But consider, if she has a cluster B personality she is likely not ever thought about the impact the turning has on you. I'm not saying it's impossible, just not likely to happen anymore than a child is likely to feel remorse later for hurting a parent (though may feel remorse to some degree over being punished). And even then, unless she is emotionally very dependent on you (i.e., in love), the odds of her feeling even a touch of remorse for being punished are low. Empathy for others is not something everyone has developed.

Healthy adults have developed some degree of empathy for others, and some degree of a sense of guilt for having hurt others. With these two abilities a healthy adult understands in advance 'if you did X, Y, Z to me, I'd be hurt, so I'll avoid hurting you'. Likewise if you tell them 'X, Y, or Z hurt me' they'll feel some sense of guilt and consider it in your future interactions, hopefully even tell you 'your feelings matter to me, I'm sorry for having hurt you'

Now imagine dealing with someone who lacks these emotional skills. Like dealing with a repeat criminal, they understand they don't want to be punished, understand when someone hurts them, but are unable to connect the dots and treat others as they'd want to be treated. They might even feel entitled, that a different set of rules should apply to them making it even more difficult to achieve empathy for others.

Odds are she'll not change any time soon, so really it comes down to deciding for yourself if you can live with her as a friend in your life or should keep your distance and protect yourself.