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The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

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The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby mr.johnnymac » Wed May 04, 2011 11:33 am

One recently told a friend of mine,

"If you have anything to say, write me".

So he wrote her.

Then in her response, one of the things she said was...

"Your letter was a little on the longish side".

They always are one upping you in covert ways.
I've seen emotionally abusive men do this to women a lot:

"You look thin in that dress" (presupposing she looks fat in other dresses).

Ironic, how the cluster b will take an event, an experience, a letter/message to them...and isolate a piece of it and manufacture an issue out of it.
A counselor once said this is a form of misdirection that they use.

I recently witnessed a child showing their parent their report card (they were proud to have gotten good marks). The parent's only reply was:

"Why didn't you get an A instead of a B?".

Instead of looking at the good things the child did (getting mostly A's, trying hard in school...etc), all the parent had was the ability to isolate an imperfection and project it onto the child.

That article (think it was maybe called)...

"How Cluster B's Use Criticism".

Was of particular interest.
It always seems to be an NPD thing/trait-even if the BPD's and HPD's do it-as criticism is indeed a weapon in their arsenal.

But when they said:

"Why did you get an A instead of a B"...
To that beaming, little child...

What a freaking loser-
"Passive Aggressive MasterpieceS"
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Re: The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby jasmin » Wed May 04, 2011 2:28 pm

I'm gonna show this to you guys, just to avoid any fights in this thread: histrionic-personality/topic63690.html

Sorry, mr.johnnymac!
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Re: The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby Cpt » Wed May 04, 2011 2:36 pm

my HPD was all flattery until it came to sex. She would bring up past escapades with me right before and sometimes DURING sex, and also criticize me during and after with snide remarks. What a nightmare! Then later she would say "You're so good".
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Re: The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby treetop » Wed May 04, 2011 3:11 pm

my friend's criticisms of people (when she was speaking with me, at least, she may have criticized other things when around other people) most often focused on physical appearance.

for example, if she saw a guy whom she thought was good looking, she'd fawn about his looks and then add 'and he's so nice!'. as though he was 'nice' just because he looked good, she had no real way to know if he was actually 'nice' or not because she just met him. if she saw someone who was slightly overweight, it would be, 'he would be great, if he wasn't so FAT. what a lazy ass.' those are somewhat broad examples. she'd often focus on tiny details of a person's appearance that others wouldn't even notice, then talk badly about a person because of it. she'd notice if I trimmed my hair a few inches shorter and tell me it looked a little too choppy. she'd notice the type of purse a random girl that walked by was carrying and say it looked like an ugly knockoff of a designer version.

she was also hyper-critical of her own appearance, focusing on tiny details instead of the overall picture. she'd focus on a barely visible blemish, for example, lamenting that one barely-visible mark, while wearing old clothes she threw on to paint her bedroom.
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Re: The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby Cpt » Wed May 04, 2011 5:53 pm

You know, I never heard her criticize the looks of a man even once. In fact she would claim that some of the most revolting looking men were handsome(men she had slept with also :shock: ), and like most HPD's she had the pick of the litter of good looking guys to choose from too. Maybe with her girl friends she would bash her male fan club, though. She was very critical of women's looks, calling them "fake," etc(ironic coming from a HPD), though she defended her female friends.
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Re: The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby mr.johnnymac » Wed May 04, 2011 7:44 pm

CptSaveAho wrote:You know, I never heard her criticize the looks of a man even once. In fact she would claim that some of the most revolting looking men were handsome(men she had slept with also :shock: ),


For some reason, this first piece of your post reminded me of other versions of criticism they use...

Non-Criticism/Reverse Criticism

or,

Positive Criticism Tactics.

You see, by saying an ugly thing is good looking, it is its own version of criticism. It sends out its message that looks don't matter...that black is white and white is black (ugly is beautiful, beautiful is ugly...it is their reverse tactics).

Or, IF you were good looking, by her saying looks didn't matter or that ugly men (whom did not look as good as you) were SO good looking...this in a form is a disguised way of criticizing you.

Another variation of it would be if an emotionally abusive man had a girl who spent hours on her hair...and let's say he didn't say anything to her on her new hairstyle. But then, later in the day, he makes a comment that negates her hairstyle/effort she put into it. It is a small tactic, but it oneups her. So he could say something like...

"Susan is really a good fit for my friend, it seems. She is non materialistic. She doesn't worry about cosmetics and the latest fashionable hairstyles...she is just a good old solid woman with an excellent personality".

Just an example...but the woman who put in all that effort to changing her hairstyle just might not like this (I've seen/heard women hurt by such sayings of their men whom they were trying to make themselves more attractive towards). Also notice how he was criticizing "Susan" and not his wife/girl.

Indirect criticism tactics.

The other variation is what a counselor said was how they treat humans like dogs. They use positive criticism to train you. So, if you do something they like, the cluster b says,

"Thank you so much for doing "X". I wanted to thank you for controlling your anger (when she usually lost hers, or when you had the right to be angry)".

It doesn't matter...lets say she wants you to do ANYTHING. Let's say she wants you to go out with her to all her parties, or to keep her plans for the holidays (remember just examples). When you do what she wants, she will praise you (as if you were a dog that she was giving a treat to).

She will say,

"Thank you so much for spending the holiday with my family. That meant so much to me".


If you don't do what they want...NO TREAT FOR THEIR PUPPY.

If you do what they want...YOU GET A TREAT (their positive criticism).

This becomes a process, and in due time conditions you (in a way where they/their needs/their wishes are more important than your needs). Again, it is the art of one-upmanship. They continue to oneup you until they are on a pedestal.

You can't tell them, "Quit criticizing me". Why? Because they will say, "I'm using constructive criticism". Constructive alright...as they are constructing their obedient little puppies.

Their is a normal way healthy people do it, and yet a very manipulative way the cluster b does it. Again, they do the same thing in different ways. They do the right things and use them for the wrong ways.

Emotionally abusive men use positive/reverse criticism on women all the time too.

When they use the positive types of criticism to manipulate people...it really sucks because it is just like they are training (attempting to train) a dog.

It's like trying to control your actions in the future (what opinions/decisions you will have/do) by praising you for things today-hoping you'll keep it up tomorrow and forever. Then, they will piggy back more "tricks to teach the dog" on you...teaching you trick after trick.

"Good boy", The cluster b says.

"Here is your little treat"
.
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Re: The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby mr.johnnymac » Wed May 04, 2011 7:49 pm

treetop wrote:my friend's criticisms of people (when she was speaking with me, at least, she may have criticized other things when around other people) most often focused on physical appearance.

for example, if she saw a guy whom she thought was good looking, she'd fawn about his looks and then add 'and he's so nice!'. as though he was 'nice' just because he looked good, she had no real way to know if he was actually 'nice' or not because she just met him. if she saw someone who was slightly overweight, it would be, 'he would be great, if he wasn't so FAT. what a lazy ass.' those are somewhat broad examples. she'd often focus on tiny details of a person's appearance that others wouldn't even notice, then talk badly about a person because of it. she'd notice if I trimmed my hair a few inches shorter and tell me it looked a little too choppy. she'd notice the type of purse a random girl that walked by was carrying and say it looked like an ugly knockoff of a designer version.

she was also hyper-critical of her own appearance, focusing on tiny details instead of the overall picture. she'd focus on a barely visible blemish, for example, lamenting that one barely-visible mark, while wearing old clothes she threw on to paint her bedroom.


All classic uses of criticism that come from the cluster b textbook :!:

treetop wrote:she'd focus on a barely visible blemish, for example, lamenting that one barely-visible mark, while wearing old clothes she threw on to paint her bedroom


Good observations :wink: .

The observations become powerful in our interpretation of social interactions once we are able to translate the observations into what appear to be unrelated meanings, when in fact they are not unrelated meanings.
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Re: The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby Twistedmister » Thu May 05, 2011 4:05 am

The observations become powerful in our interpretation of social interactions once we are able to translate the observations into what appear to be unrelated meanings, when in fact they are not unrelated meanings



Of course..........doing this, will turn you into us.

Always looking for hidden meanings into things.........checking to see, how much you're wanted/appreciated. (or unwanted/unappreciated)


I mean.........it works both ways.


We're struggling to become more normal.

It's a possbility we'll get there.


A non.......can become more histrionic.

It's a possibility they'll get there.
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Re: The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby Cpt » Thu May 05, 2011 4:41 am

Twistedmister wrote: A non.......can become more histrionic.

It's a possibility they'll get there.


There's no question. I have definitely subconsciously adopted many of her values, to my detriment. Vanity, approval seeking, manipulating members of the opposite sex to increase attraction, etc etc.
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Re: The Critisism Weapon-The Art Of One-Upmanship

Postby mr.johnnymac » Thu May 05, 2011 1:30 pm

Twistedmister wrote:
The observations become powerful in our interpretation of social interactions once we are able to translate the observations into what appear to be unrelated meanings, when in fact they are not unrelated meanings



Of course..........doing this, will turn you into us.

Always looking for hidden meanings into things.........checking to see, how much you're wanted/appreciated. (or unwanted/unappreciated)


I mean.........it works both ways.


We're struggling to become more normal.

It's a possbility we'll get there.


A non.......can become more histrionic.

It's a possibility they'll get there.


Interesting thoughts-

According to your thought...pd's would be what they call "learned behaviors". I know one may think, "Of course they were learned at some point", but it isn't necessarily this simple. First, if they were learned behaviors, they could be unlearned. This would offer a HUGE chance for therapy.

Ironic too, that on the other hand, many counselors say they are learned behaviors (usually at the age of 0-2...sometimes 0-3), but that they are learned in such a way the brain is wired differently (indeed...science has verified this and I have links to experiments done between cluster b's and nons...the brains during an M.R.I. Scan of their brains...showed that the cluster b's brains fired off and processed information differently than nons), so that there is little chance of them being unlearned.

Thus, the extremely low cure/treatment rate they have in therapy.

The question I always had was: "how could a learned behavior be unlearned". The best answer I got was because the brain is forming (growing with the child), that it is learned and the brain adapts to it (during a very young age)...and once your grown, you are grown (can't tell the gene pool to undo itself after you've grown up).

It's like "stunting your growth". They were intended for one height but only reached a certain height...stunting their orignal blueprint of growth and corrupting their gene pool.

However, ASPD...has been time and time again something that has been learned and unlearned. Environmental factors, for example...too many case studies to cite (many I don't have via web...but in books) create a chameleon like effect on a person's personality...causing them to adapt to one personality (the pd) and then to get normal in a different social environment (non pd diagnosis).

A Vietnam vet, for example, who once had a PTSD and ASPD diagnosis, mentioned that he would eat lunch watching prisoners die (notice the disassociation....notice how he lacked emotion), and that to him the Vietnamese were like animals and not people.

Years later after the hell he witnessed went through, returning to a loving family, etc, etc. He came up negative for everything. But this has been repeated again and again with convicts. Too much to chat now...but an interesting point you've brought up.
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