What's the reason they can act totally normal in between?

Question for HPD's: what's the reason that you can act totally normal between 'sick' periods?
That makes it so difficult for us, victims! Everytime we think: oh, she's allright, i must have been seen ghosts. But again and again of course, we were misled.

When you act normal and why?

because you guys aren't acting stupid inbetween, duh! lols....

- Thisislabor.

Run wrote:Question for HPD's: what's the reason that you can act totally normal between 'sick' periods?
That makes it so difficult for us, victims! Everytime we think: oh, she's allright, i must have been seen ghosts. But again and again of course, we were misled.

When you act normal and why?

In my case:

The sick periods are brought on by meeting new primary supply. The "normal" periods means she is only cheating on you with secondary supply, not primary ones.

Honestly, I think the reason we appear normal inbetween fall outs is because despite the disorder we are normal- it effects all of us differently, granted, but we are all intellgent (capable at times) human beings and as such we are normal in many ways.

The basis of the disorder is related to primary identifaction and interactions way back in our childhood. I noticed that captin used refrance to the term 'primary' when identifying the love interest of a HPD, and unfortunately that's not the actual primary- the primary is usually our parents (father in most cases) and our later relationships are a reflection of the one we had with him.

Hence why we love you (we love our fathers) and how we turn on you in acts of hatred and hurt filled destruction on you when we are angry (we hate our fathers [subconsciously] and put that on you) because that is a direct replica of the love/hate relationship we had with our dad.

Our need for attention is more than what you see, it's an internal self struggling that forces us to find outside sources of love and acceptance to compensate for our self worthlessness. We were not accepted as children, and we were taught (subcounsciously) that we weren't good enough as we are, we weren't worthy of love and support, nothing we did was worthy of proper attention and untainted praise, and in that; we internally do the same thing to ourselves that we do to you- we hurt and emotionally dismember our ego/selfesteme to such a point that we are incapable of repairing it our own (emotionally). So we are driven to others to be accepted, protected, and loved because we can't do that inside ourselves.

Now here's the kicker:
As much as this is a constant subconscious internal struggle for balance (which we greatly lack) we also project our own self hatred onto you in an attempt to destroy the source of our pain (our father and ourselves) but if things are going well for us and we feel we are getting the love and acceptance we need these things don't happen- because there is no need. Our primary need for love and acceptance is being filled and we feel secure in our lives and in ourselfves. The only time that we 'act out' is when that balance (for lack of a better term) shifts and we are filled with the need to replenish that source of affection and acceptance, or fight the 'object' of rejection and our frustration.

I know it may not be easy for you guys (NON's) to comprehend the fact that our attention seeking serves more than just ego and our sexual desires; but it's true- it feeds our need for love and acceptance because we were destorted at such a tender age that we are unable to fill that huge void deep inside us with the outside assistance of replacing that primary love object with something else.

think of it this way:
A young child who is pushed down and constantly told they are not good enough to have the basic love and support of the family (not in words, but in true actions and feeling) would be destroyed if they had to endure that all the time- right?
Many of us were forced to endure that, and in order to survive that huge empty hole left by a lack of parental support and affection/attention we learned to split our parents into the parents we know love us (good parent) into the parents we know think we're not good enough (bad parent) and in a growing effort to fill the void left by the bad parent emotional abandonment/rejection we fell to outside supliments (false replacements) of that need for support, acceptance, love and protection (things we should have gotten from our parents) by seeking it else where because it wasn't in the home.

What you guys see is the adult manifestation of years of abuse going WAY back to our earliest childhood years and relationships.

When things are going 'well' and we feel our emotional needs (not exessive needs, but the basics) are being met, we are OK and feel OK thereby acting OK, which is why we seem normal- because at that timewe are OK emotionally and there is no need to hate or supliment, all is well and we feel secure.

However, once that 'balance' shifts and we feel in some way threatened or neglected- we redirect our emotions by way of projection (throwing our emotional trauma which is connected to ourselves) and transference (emotional trauma directed at the parents) on you or else where in a desprate attempt to compinstae for our inner loss and ineefeciancy to stabalize ourselves. We act out (or act in) against all that trauma and it's horrible mess.

What you need to remember here is that we're messed up because we conditioned to be messed up. The things we do to you are outside reactions to the things we've suffered and been exposed to for many years. Maybe you were looking for a more superficial answer (something that holds inside our menatality in the present [adult] mindset) I'm not sure-but this is the real reason, the root of the issue and a brief explaination of why it is so...

I hope this helps you to understand- it helped me a lot.

Hello Run,

I haven't had the normal/and not so normal periods of time in many years. But I think whenever I did go from normal to turning on who I was with in the moment was because no matter what is going on in the relationship, there is still life to live. I was in school, had homework, chores, etc.

When I got married, I had college, a husband, a baby, bills, jobs, laundry, cleaning, etc. One thing to note is that when we are busy with life, our minds are occupied and we aren't sitting around DWELLING on what we don't have or how we WOULD LIKE TO FEEL.

That is the same with depression. Depression gets worse when someone shuts down and only focuses on being depressed. Then all they do is lay around or take pills and the depression deepens.

So with these not normal periods of HP is when the HP focuses more on selfish wants or needs instead of doing their job, or taking care of their kids properly or whatever.

I hope I'm making sense. It's a good question. I just feel the NORMAL periods YOU long for is the most of the time the HPs time that they feel neglected because they aren't receiving any supply when they have to carry on with normal duties in their life. That is why when it all hits the fan after the normal period........... IT TOTALLY HITS THE FAN!

Hope this helps you understand a little better.
Scarlett

Run wrote:Question for HPD's: what's the reason that you can act totally normal between 'sick' periods?
That makes it so difficult for us, victims! Everytime we think: oh, she's allright, i must have been seen ghosts. But again and again of course, we were misled.

When you act normal and why?

We know the mental science behind acquiring new supply; if we are ‘sick’ we likely have other sources of supply and you are boring us. Acting ‘sick’ pushes you away and frees up time to be with our new shiny source(s) of supply.
When we are ‘normal’ it is because we are low or out of other supply and want to keep you around. Also, by being ‘normal’ we can secure new supply.

Run wrote:Question for HPD's: what's the reason that you can act totally normal between 'sick' periods?
That makes it so difficult for us, victims! Everytime we think: oh, she's allright, i must have been seen ghosts. But again and again of course, we were misled.

The best answer-or philosophical response-I've heard to answer this question is:

People who have cancer go into remission...sometimes for long periods of time.
The H.I.V. virus (along with many other viruses) can lie silent and dormant for many years-all the whilst giving the person the impression of "normal".

And yet another interesting response to the question you asked that has stuck with me over the years is:

"Consider a person who has seizures, although they go for periods of time without having fits, this doesn't mean they do not still have the underlying conditions that will continue to lead to fits in the future". (-Taylor On Distinctions Between Neurosis and Psychosis).

Dr. Shari Schreiber simply uses the analogy:

"The behavior of the HPD/BPD/NPD can be compared to hurricane season." (indeed, this response fits your question to a 't'), because...

If you lived in Florida (a place subject to hurricanes, there will be many peaceful months throughout the year (but alas, in spite of the "normal" months, you know that hurricane season-her splitting and projecting and gaslighting-is just around the corner).

People in Florida, or any other area that gets hurricanes, don't allow the peaceful months to deceive them that trouble isn't around the corner. And once the hurricane comes (once she cycles), you know there will be a lot of damage to recover from.

True...some of her hurricanes aren't so bad........

The calm before the storm-

Well, it is a disorder about extremes. When there are no stressors and things are going well, they lead fairly normal lives and appear normal.

It's when they are trying to cope with stressor's that triggers the HPD's extreme traits in coping. They don't cope or handle stressors, as a non would. They also, inflat these stressor, that can be easily coped with by a non or even imagined stressors. Everything to a HPD, is blown out of proportion, and so is thier extreme reaction and coping skills to them.

As Maskquered's therapist taught her, learn how to cope with these stressors, put these stressors into perspective and control her reactions to them than transformation to being normal most of the time, can happen.

Takes years, but becomes automatic, after awhile.

OtherHPD wrote:

Run wrote:Question for HPD's: what's the reason that you can act totally normal between 'sick' periods?
That makes it so difficult for us, victims! Everytime we think: oh, she's allright, i must have been seen ghosts. But again and again of course, we were misled.

When you act normal and why?

We know the mental science behind acquiring new supply; if we are ‘sick’ we likely have other sources of supply and you are boring us. Acting ‘sick’ pushes you away and frees up time to be with our new shiny source(s) of supply.
When we are ‘normal’ it is because we are low or out of other supply and want to keep you around. Also, by being ‘normal’ we can secure new supply.

This is it, 100%.

So OtherHPD,

What triggers your need for new supply? Even non's get complacent and bored.

Why do you feel the need for this and is it away to avoid or cope with stress or in dealing with past stress? Do you have triggers?