Histrionic Emotional Amnesia

pityn wrote:Is it a closed topic? Am I too late?
I don't know what to do apart from writing you. I am scared. Everything was fine, I thought I just has problems over remembering what I did, who I met, and where I gone. and it was bearable anyhow. No previous trauma. It was kind of normal, I am used to take lots of notes, and photos and collecting things and using dots over maps. And it was kind of joyful to watching same films, and reading same books over and over with new joy.
But now, I realized I couldn't remember any emotion. No hold. No grudge, no angriness over bad experiences with people who hurt me. why I am not angry to them? I remember what they did, but no emotions so far. And no specific good emotions over past. I know good things happened, but why no good emotions attached to them? No memory of emotions. That scares me. It takes only 1 or 2 hours to lost them. There and gone without a trace.
The worst is that, I just realized that. I am 27 years old. How couldn't I figured that out earlier? Someone realized that and point it out, then I understand why people treat me different.
What should I do? I couldn't find any info about "emotional amnesia". Please give me some advice. I don't know what to do.

I have seen this in some of the probable HPD woman I know. Sometimes it's like it goes so far it's as if they forgot who I am...amnesia, emotional, or due to dissociation, I have previously thought. So be encouraged that both HPDs and Nons have seen and felt what you are experiencing.

In the short term, maybe try to remember some good times, and try to meetup with the people you shared those times with. Over lunch, for example, bring up the memories and bridge off their emotions to resurrect your own?

The long-term 'cure' for emotional amnesia is the 'cure' for HPD...cognitive behavioral therapy or another form of psychotherapy, which for many reasons we can't start doing here. Accordingly you should visit a good psychotherapist and express what you are feeling with him or her.

Stay with us and let us know how it's going.

Dissociation is not exclusive to HPD.........while i dont have experiences with hpd................i do have experiences with dissociation.......................................and am aware CBT is not the answer for it.

seriously, lol feelings need to be processed for dissociation to let up. reading about CPTSD might be helpful in that regard.

I find when im dissociating the world around me and its realities are irrelevant. i can "go along with whatever" because it best suits my current ends (to rest so i can process my own $#%^.) it probably appears similar to "emotional amnesia" from the outside, and people might be easily fooled into thinking i'm settling into being a gullible sycophant or something, except things like "grudges" are not relevant. i don't suddenly feel all warm and fuzzy towards everyone, as far as im concerned i'm unaffected, partially absent and its just about what i need at the time (to relax). The ability to do it is probably related to not having a sense of continuity, and may be a cluster B thing... but I'm not so sure it wouldn't happen across other clusters too.

Considering theory on HPD and development, i'd find it odd traits/issues associated with borderline personality structure level of development and earlier are associated with HPD... if these associations are made by professionals, my best guess being many women diagnosed with HPD have been being diagnosed based on female social norms they learned to "mimic" rather than on actual personality issues.

I think the reason some of them might be in there is because they are caused by the "flightiness" most HPDs have (strong emotion with lack of integration ?) while i would guess the lack of integration/continuity can happen across the spectrum of PDs.

Interestingly none of the "more fuzzy controversial" features of HPD that many people online have associated with HPD and used to attempt to draw parallels as a female version of aspd (as against the other theory people are on about, as a female version of NPD) are in the DSM.

Related/Random thought -

This book is rather interesting - http://www.wisdomofpsychopaths.com/

The author makes mention of several studies in which it is observed that psychopaths are not only near emotionless to stimuli that dramatically effects most people, but even more interesting is that many go into a trance-like state of calm, like they are partially tuned out. The title of the book "wisdom" is not meant to condone psychopathic behavior, just the author explains that the lack of emotions, even calm, exhibited in psychopaths under stress can be a successful/adaptive strategy in situations of extreme stress.

It does make me wonder if some people under stress learn to cope with it by tuning out, forgetting, shutting off their emotional memories and responses? Because that strategy can work, even if it comes at a cost.

xdude wrote:Related/Random thought -

This book is rather interesting - http://www.wisdomofpsychopaths.com/

The author makes mention of several studies in which it is observed that psychopaths are not only near emotionless to stimuli that dramatically effects most people, but even more interesting is that many go into a trance-like state of calm, like they are partially tuned out. The title of the book "wisdom" is not meant to condone psychopathic behavior, just the author explains that the lack of emotions, even calm, exhibited in psychopaths under stress can be a successful/adaptive strategy in situations of extreme stress. It does make me wonder if some people under stress learn to cope with it by tuning out, forgetting, shutting off their emotional memories and responses? Because that strategy can work, even if it comes at a cost.

Thus it occurred to me that emotional amnesia /dissociation can be due to
(1) repression of unacceptable thoughts (i.e., repression of aggression, rage, or the memory of something very terrifying, that couldn't be escaped from), or
(2) an original emotional void or weak emotional output, which at that time was filled in with/ augmented with socially appropriate expressions, often via mimicry (mirroring)...in this case the social cues are not present, so the only memories would be of the mirroring, which could be like trying to remember how it felt to breath 5 years ago.

Both modes applicable to BPD, HPD, or AsPD.

It is rather hard to know how true psychopaths experience life, in great part because most are not very expressive, but also because they equally don't grasp how others experience life. Still in a way they represent the ultimate in dis-association. Some have theorized that psychopaths experience life in a way that is not so different from how many of us experience watching a movie. While it's probably not exactly true, there are parallels. We might allow ourselves to get caught up in a movie, but we watch it all from a 3rd person point of view, safe, at a distance. There is no real risk to us (and in truth, for those with HPD, essentially none for the actors who are dramatic, but because they are acting and not really doing, there is little risk*), but it can be engrossing without any real risk.

So it does make me wonder if some people dis-associate, including those with HPD, because by remaining detached from real life, real feelings including potentially really painful feelings, are kept at arms length, i.e., safe.

* You know it is ironic too, we will watch men and women portray real life people, like cops, military men and women, who are actors, who get paid 500-1000x more then the real cops, then real military, the real people who put their lives on the lines, who are at no real risk, who if the flub a line can do it over and over until they get it right, who can remove their make-up injuries after a choreographed fight. It does make me wonder if our society on some level encourages HPD, dramatic acting over real life doing?

I'm not diagnosed of anything yet but emotional amnesia is a really good expression for how I feel. My therapist says "How did you feel?" And I instantly say " I don't know, erm. Like this...." And I feel like I'm lying. The therapist even got a sheet with depression explanations on it and I commented on how I never feel depressed. Then two weeks later I'm back telling him I was really depressed and he asks he to explain why and I'm thinking I can't remember.
I read a thing about disassociation on a BPD forum. Then the next day I realised that I'd totally zoned out in the barbers shop. My vision had gone and everything and I do it all the time. 1000 yard stare in the barbers and I was thinking I must of looked like a doll or something.

Emotional amnesia...perhaps why some have described HPD's as having robotic-like qualities. Which I have experienced with some likely HPDs I have known.

X dude wrote

* You know it is ironic too, we will watch men and women portray real life people, like cops, military men and women, who are actors, who get paid 500-1000x more then the real cops, then real military, the real people who put their lives on the lines, who are at no real risk, who if the flub a line can do it over and over until they get it right, who can remove their make-up injuries after a choreographed fight. It does make me wonder if our society on some level encourages HPD, dramatic acting over real life doing?

I believe that there is a histrionic ideal, promoted by the dramatic industry and machinery, especially in our western culture. It feeds off our natural reluctance to see life as it is...our desire to be insulated from the complexity and sometimes the ugliness of life. Most of us were immersed in this ideal as children.

In their desire to confirm their worth and very existence by receiving attention, HPD's are de facto keen observers, operatives, and barometers of what the histrionic ideal is at any one moment in our culture.
Why Monroe, although disordered, was a powerful icon. Also why many people think HPD is a popular glamorous and desirable disorder, only rivaled by the brass tacks certainty and sheer narcissistic bad- ass power of AsPD.

orion8591 wrote:I believe that there is a histrionic ideal, promoted by the dramatic industry and machinery, especially in our western culture. It feeds off our natural reluctance to see life as it is...our desire to be insulated from the complexity and sometimes the ugliness of life. Most of us were immersed in this ideal as children.

In their desire to confirm their worth and very existence by receiving attention, HPD's are de facto keen observers, operatives, and barometers of what the histrionic ideal is at any one moment in our culture.
Why Monroe, although disordered, was a powerful icon. Also why many people think HPD is a popular glamorous and desirable disorder, only rivaled by the brass tacks certainty and sheer narcissistic bad- ass power of AsPD.

Perfectly said/written orion.

xdude wrote:

orion8591 wrote:I believe that there is a histrionic ideal, promoted by the dramatic industry and machinery, especially in our western culture. It feeds off our natural reluctance to see life as it is...our desire to be insulated from the complexity and sometimes the ugliness of life. Most of us were immersed in this ideal as children.

In their desire to confirm their worth and very existence by receiving attention, HPD's are de facto keen observers, operatives, and barometers of what the histrionic ideal is at any one moment in our culture.
Why Monroe, although disordered, was a powerful icon. Also why many people think HPD is a popular glamorous and desirable disorder, only rivaled by the brass tacks certainty and sheer narcissistic bad- ass power of AsPD.

Perfectly said/written orion.

people think HPD means annoying attention whore. The disorder itself, has a bad reputation/misunderstanding.