HELP! 911...Can't Quit thinking about my EX HPD

I am new to this board and I will try and make this brief. I dated this girl briefly while in college years ago. She was in love with me but I did not give her much attention because she seemed too high strung. Well, fast forward 30 years. We connected again via Facebook about 3 years ago. I am married and so is she. Lets just say that my marriage at the time, after 20+ years had grown stale.Well, in pops my HPD or Histy as I will call her. She showers me with accolades of compliments. You are so sexy,cute, handsome, funny blah blah. I was smitten. We decided to meet at a football game in October of 2009. My wife did NOT attend but Histy was there with her hubby. At around the 2nd Quarter of the game I met her under the bleachers....first time i had seen her in 30 years....and yes we had been texting about 2 years before this. Well the first thing she does is squeal when she sees me. This woman was 50 in 2009. She comes up to me and hugs me and then she grabs my CROTCH!!! She then asks where we can go for a little more privacy. We go downstatirs and she tries putting her hands in my pants... Folks I was smitten... Then the flattery starts. Well later we decide to meet at a hotel room a few weeks later. By the way I have never cheated on my wife but this girl was differnt...bear in mind we did date earlier in life so the attachment was there. So a few weeks later we meet at the hotel room and she starts hunching my leg with clothes on. Later the clothes come off and she begs me to have sex with her. I told her no and she proceeds to "M" and literately has 8-10 orgasms in the course of about an hour. I tell her I love her but she seems afterwards she is in a hurry to leave....I felt used for some reason. I even read her a poem and I cried while reading it...she never shed the first tear. I know I am leaving out a lot of details but fast forward to July 2010. I met her again at the same hotel but in the parking lot. I told her I could not get a room with her. She said. "that makes me want you even more." She then saw my crotch and started rubbing me and said. "I gotta get me some of that !" Then she does oral sex in the car. Now here is where it got confusing. Afterwards she statrts talking about another man and shows me his picture on Facebook. He was her sons' high school coach a few years back. Back in 2009 she told me that the coach kissed her while she was decorating the locker room for an upcoming game. She flaty denied she flirted or sent him signals. BS...she HAD too. A 35 year old man does not up and kiss his players Mother...unless she sent signals. Further they were alone and this HAD to have happened....the locker room decorating on a consistent basis before the "coach" felt comfortable to kiss her. Why would she tell me this????T omake me jealous? So back to my story...after the oral sex she shows me this coach's picture. She said.."I love him....BUT i am IN LOVE with YOU !" I was totally confused and hurt but did not tell her. A few days later I did tell her...I told her that I felt we should end this "affair" before we get caught and that our families were too important. She responds simply..."I get the message!" Now two months go by with no contact....It is now Sept. 2010. I began to miss her. She was sooooo much fun and I miss the flattery she gave me. I also missed the sex.... Well I call her and she is very cold to me...but later she says>>"You are a sweet man...Ill be back." Folks....my chasing her went on until January of 2011. ( if you can tell I am O?C with a low sense of self esteem.) I begged her to come back and each time she said .."things have changed" She stated she wanted to be friends and said let's move on. I have NOT called her since Jan and I am now going on 9 weeks but I feel I am weakening . I want to call her so bad. I thought about being creative and sending her a picture of a "Hay bale" along with a note that says.."Hay!"...cute huh? Or I thought about sending her a parenthesis " (....) " When she would text me back asking me what that was all about...I would have said.." It is a Create your own text!" "you put in what you would like for it to say" I know folks I am grasping at straws and YES I know I am married. But I have NEVER been complimented and made to feel so good and unique and SPECIAL when I was with her. I miss that and I also HATE her ejecting me...pride ego??? Even though I have I have contacted her on ^ different occasions since Sept '09 and she siad in Jan 2011 that lets be friends..I feel like I need to contact her with some innocuous emial or text like the "hay" example. She DID say lets be freinds...,so where is HER text or email??? Or was the friends part just BS???? I am trying to so hard to refrain from contacting her...knowing I will be hurt either by a cold response or perhaps no response at ll. I am going on 9 months now and I am still not over her. As much as I want to I cant contact her. I keep thinking maybe SHE is hurt and I need to try one more time.... HELP!!!!!

Wow, well the first thing you can do is stop chasing this nutjob now that you know she is HPD. What usually makes these situations so hard is that the nujob wont let YOU go! Anyway, something that is true of many women and especially true of HPD's is that acting indifferent towards them is the last, best hope for reigniting attraction, not acting needy. She said it herself, she was more attracted to you when you played hard to get. Also, try to figure out why she targeted you. Yeah, I am good looking, but she targeted me specifically because she thought I was a "good boy" and corruptible.

You can be 100% sure that this girl is HPD. My HPD experience, besides the fact that I am single and so was she, is EXACTLY how you described it except I knew enough to know how to keep her interested(but I was targeted to be primary fan club material, you might just be targeted as outer fan club material). In fact, being married would more often than not make you outer fan club material because she cannot have your undivided attention.

Your description of how she brought up all these other guys to you gave me chills, its exactly what happened to me almost verbatim. Why do they do it, bring these guys up, yet demand that you trust them and love them?
1. They can't help but talk about their "hobby"
2. They want to make you jealous and uncomfortable
3. They want to test you to see how much of a doormat you are

The reason why she is not talking to you is that she is busy sleeping with many other men. Keep that in mind. Literally every time she brings up a new guy I find out evidence that she sleeps with them. Every time she has some sudden change of attitude or sudden loss of contact is because she is with another guy. I'm going to be soooo paranoid in my next relationship, lol.

CptSaveAho wrote:Wow, well the first thing you can do is stop chasing this nutjob now that you know she is HPD. What usually makes these situations so hard is that the nujob wont let YOU go! Anyway, something that is true of many women and especially true of HPD's is that acting indifferent towards them is the last, best hope for reigniting attraction, not acting needy. She said it herself, she was more attracted to you when you played hard to get. Also, try to figure out why she targeted you. Yeah, I am good looking, but she targeted me specifically because she thought I was a "good boy" and corruptible.

You can be 100% sure that this girl is HPD. My HPD experience, besides the fact that I am single and so was she, is EXACTLY how you described it except I knew enough to know how to keep her interested(but I was targeted to be primary fan club material, you might just be targeted as outer fan club material). In fact, being married would more often than not make you outer fan club material because she cannot have your undivided attention.

Your description of how she brought up all these other guys to you gave me chills, its exactly what happened to me almost verbatim. Why do they do it, bring these guys up, yet demand that you trust them and love them?
1. They can't help but talk about their "hobby"
2. They want to make you jealous and uncomfortable
3. They want to test you to see how much of a doormat you are

The reason why she is not talking to you is that she is busy sleeping with many other men. Keep that in mind. Literally every time she brings up a new guy I find out evidence that she sleeps with them. Every time she has some sudden change of attitude or sudden loss of contact is because she is with another guy. I'm going to be soooo paranoid in my next relationship, lol.

Great post.

I like how you said, "They can't help but talk about their 'hobby'"...lol.

What ways did your ex bring up the topic of other men? Like, did she do it covertly or did she do it in a throw-it-in-your-face sort of way? My ex did it covertly...she made it look like this guy was chasing her and she totally didn't like it (and that she didn't like him).

She kept saying, "He just needs to find someone else and leave me alone". The thing is...in the end of our relationship, she went back to him.

'fraid you got the number wrong. It's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab8GtuPdrUQ

"What ways did your ex bring up the topic of other men? Like, did she do it covertly or did she do it in a throw-it-in-your-face sort of way? My ex did it covertly...she made it look like this guy was chasing her and she totally didn't like it (and that she didn't like him).

She kept saying, "He just needs to find someone else and leave me alone". The thing is...in the end of our relationship, she went back to him.
mr.johnnyma

WoW M. Johnny This all starting to make sense. See my original post about the Coach she flirted with who then kissed her. She then then told me that she told him..."Don't ever do that again" and yet then she tells me they still have lunch ???? And she says she NEVER flirted with him OR gave out signals.......Yeah Right. Oh and then there was the time in the fall of 2009 when she at a football game. She texted me early in the moring and told me that some young guy came up to her and pinched her on the butt !!!! Why tell me all this.... This womanis 52 yrs ols !!!!!! Any wagers if she will ever call me back since I have gone NO conatct sine January 2011 ???R
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I also failed to mention this. July of this past was the 2nd time that I broke up with her. As I mentioned I missed her texts and her flattery so I initiated contact with her. I was like a puppy dog from July 2010- Jan 2011. One of the last things I told her was that when we were in the hotel room Dec2009 I told her that it was not the sex I missed it was just being close to her I told her I missed having my head on her chest and hearing her haert beat. When I told her this she was unfazed.....

mr.johnnymac wrote:
Great post.

I like how you said, "They can't help but talk about their 'hobby'"...lol.

What ways did your ex bring up the topic of other men? Like, did she do it covertly or did she do it in a throw-it-in-your-face sort of way? My ex did it covertly...she made it look like this guy was chasing her and she totally didn't like it (and that she didn't like him).

She kept saying, "He just needs to find someone else and leave me alone". The thing is...in the end of our relationship, she went back to him.

Haha its TRUE. I mean, what else are they going to talk about, they spend all their time chasing men.

Some of them were mentioned sort of covertly. In the beginning I thought she was just doing it to make me jealous. She would constantly brag about how she was being hit on by MARRIED men and then later how they would send her dirty texts/pictures. Obviously no one would risk losing their family unless sex was guaranteed. By that point I knew she was sleeping with them. The single guys she would just mention once or twice. She would call them "buddy" but they were candidates for the inner circle or long time f*#$ buddies . Now, she was with other guys that she did not mention but if she bothered to mention them then I knew they were in her top 5 fan club.

She did the overt "love/in love" BS that she did to the OP to me a couple of times. But I "appreciated that she was honest" and thought that I must be in a "rebound relationship" and that there was a "love triangle" LOL. The thing that really was her undoing was calling me up and admitting some things to me, then not remembering what she said the next morning so I would trick her into giving me the full admission. When I was in a devaluation cycle she didn't really care what I knew.

I am in a new stage in our "relationship" i.e. banished to the outer circle. She has a new primary victim but she is cheating on him (she tried to with me already). She had mentioned him once before to me during a devaluation cycle, out of NOWHERE. She keeps trying to rub him in my face to make me jealous even though she is screwing him over.

joliver54 wrote:I also failed to mention this. July of this past was the 2nd time that I broke up with her. As I mentioned I missed her texts and her flattery so I initiated contact with her. I was like a puppy dog from July 2010- Jan 2011. One of the last things I told her was that when we were in the hotel room Dec2009 I told her that it was not the sex I missed it was just being close to her I told her I missed having my head on her chest and hearing her haert beat. When I told her this she was unfazed.....

Wow you are going about this all wrong. You can't make a ho a housewife. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2pg6dR1z_E http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1Ecbeq514c

The only legitimate reason to want to be with this woman is for SEX. This woman is a porn star, I bet most porn stars are HPD. Demand threesomes and aberrant sex, period, then go no contact before you get addicted. Otherwise, do the right thing and tell her that she is HPD then go no contact.

sorry to hear your predicament, it all sounds like a broken record, over and over it goes the same stories......

Im in the same position mate...getting better though... it takes time to get these type of animals out of your head. Remember, your animal makeup is vastly different to the hpd's, what ever you think is right, think theirs in the polar opposite.

ive been no contact for a while, but recently needed something of mine back from my ex... she agreed (surprise!) anyway, we did this by text her answer was brief and cold...asked her want to chat? as she just dropped me like a paranoid scorpion...she replied, 'i cant you might abuse me and be all nasty....well, there you go...boring, keep spinning the same old orbit darlin, cause im movin on...

anyway, keep no contact, keep busy on your own thing, remember you lost who you are, and you need to get that YOU back...start with changing or renewing your values, as your values took a big hit and you were under hers...time for your grove and take the lead....

you need all the courage at your stage, its going to be hell for a while, dont let depression take over...remember the goodness you had within you..thats you, bring it back.......

may all the good energy come onto you....good luck...remember, take it as a lesson...figure that out you'll feel much better, as one guy said here, 'its why' you know they did this, not, 'how they did this to you....

cheers
ER

Whatv really hurts thru all this is the fact that I thought I was someone special. I.e. During sex...I thought she loved me and me only, when it is apparent now it was NOT love on her part and I was NOT the only one...THAT HURTS !!! In a sick way, I do miss her but I will NOT call her and give that power over me. I will NOT be humiliated. I have been NO contact for 2 months now. Anybdy with experience with HPD's think she will call me back and when ???? I really do miss her antiCcs and flattery