BPD/NPD/HPD-The Differences

What differences have you noticed between them? I have heard some here saying that the HPD is the best looking. How so, as beauty is related to genetics? I would say that the HPD "tries" to be the best looking (indeed it is the only PD where we use the person's appearance to diagnose), but to say that they actually look the best may not be entirely true.

The NPD woman (or any NPD) cares for their self image. It is their image they are in love with, and they use their physical appearance as much as reputation and other manifestations of their image to enhance their image. The upshot for the NPD woman is she usually can function WAY better than the other pd's.

Consider the shallow nature of the HPD. She is perhaps the most shallow. You could dig maybe a few inches and find some depth in the Borderline, perhaps a whole foot in the NPD, but the HPD runs out of depth as soon as you get past her appearance...lacking an authentic personality to the uttermost.

Has anyone ever dated women who possessed different pd's. If so, what were the differences you observed? Even if you didn't date them and simply have knowledge of them, what differences were there? I have only dated two...a BPD and an HPD. The HPD did look better, but she was so...well...dumb. I guess that is the only way to describe her. The BPD had a personality, but it was fragile. In bed, the BPD would have blown the HPD out of the water (I'm sure this varies but there is another HPD on this board who recently posted she didn't have a clue what to do in bed cause she was inexperienced...so it does happen from time to time).

The HPD was like an expensive sports car that spent more time in the shop than on the road. So lame I got sick of her in a month. The BPD...it took me three years to get sick of her (maybe the shallowness of the HPD is a good thing because it helps people get rid of them quicker ).

What about NPD women? NPD seems misrepresented a lot (so much information describes an overt raging person, when in reality the NPD is one of the most covert of the pd's). Anyone date an NPD woman?

Not everybody with the same personality disorder has the same traits or the same sub type of disorder. There is a really good post about the HPD subtypes on here.

Beauty is subjective. You get old. You could get in an accident. It almost seems like the ex's of HPD's are more obsessed with appearance than the HPD's in some instances. (I know you are hurt I'm just making an observation). Did you place more value on your ex. than a plain woman because of how she looked? Maybe you made a bad choice of who to go after. As the millionaire matchmaker says maybe : "You let your penis do the picking"

Yes, you were hurt and it is sad when anyone gets hurt and used. I really do know how it feels. One other thing I know too is that if you really love someone, you will let them go no matter what they did to you and just let it be and move on from them because you love them in the real definition of the word. The OP is sick with a disease. Yes they are blaming maybe and not accepting full responsibility but the tone of your post and in fact most of the posts that are made by the nons hurt by their HPD's come across as demeaning to most women. Like the boarderlines. Their emotions are real. They have had terrible childhoods more than likely. Probably you were the "golden child" and have no idea what it's like to be in their shoes. Why don't you just try to imagine what it's like to be hated by your own mother, neglected, perhaps left alone, told horrible demeaning things.

People with personality disorders suffer too. They don't want this believe me they are programmed to be like this. Life would be so much easier for them if they were normal and were cared for as children.

I lived with a diagnosed NPD for almost 2 years. She was not what I consider pretty, but she thought she was pretty darn cute. In my opinion she was not that focused on the way she looked appearance wise, but how she came across socially. She wanted everyone to think she was rich; she liked material things; and she thought she was better than everyone else.

The two BPD's I had long term friendships with were very beautiful. They were creative, successful in their chosen professions, very funny too. They were needy, and it seemed like I always had to protect them. They would get involved with literally anyone, and they always thought it was true love. The level of permiscuity they both had was pretty extreme. Both of them would hop in bed with the ugliest, nastiest, creepiest man I'd ever seen and have something wonderful to say about him. One of them even slept with a door to door magazine salesmen. Pretty sure those guys are homeless crackheads. They also were extremely volatile in their relationships, and threatened suicide ALL THE TIME!

The HPD - she was pretty, but not stunning. She thought she was the prettiest thing that's ever graced the planet. She spent a lot of time talking about how wonderful she was to outsiders, but she would admit certain flaws to me. She had a severe drinking problem, and drug problem. She was a pathological liar, and would lie about the most stupid $#%^. Like, she would say "I went for a run on the beach this morning at dawn. It was amazing! The ocean, the breeze, the birds, the sunrise..." then she would tell someone else a few hours later "I can't run at all since my back injury. It's fine though because I hate working out." Then there are other aspects, but I'm not going to reiterate myself. Just giving you my observation of the differences.

I think Nowhere Girl is right on - people are people, not just a list of symptoms. There are subtypes and degrees of intensity within the spectrum of these disorders. I also think there is a lot of overlap with the Cluster B categories. I understand the anger nons feel and their need to make sense of things, but there are more to these disorders than what you read in a textbook. My ex, for example, has every symptom of narcissism but also exhibits the capacity to love in his own way. I am HPD (so I'm told) but don't have all of the symptoms, and would certainly not describe myself as shallow. As Nowhere said, people have real feelings. From my understanding - HPD's seek attention and are hyper-sexual, NPD's are capable of extreme emotional detachment, and BPD's have intense abandonment issues and are suicidal and angry.

I think we should remember that nobody chooses to have a disorder, and the majority of the people on this forum are here to try and heal and improve themselves. If HPD's were truly "shallow," they wouldn't be here.

Just my thoughts.

well, my experience is a little different I suppose because the HPD I knew was a woman and the BPD and NPD people I knew were men. I know it's not expected that men could be borderlines but in living with the guy for 6 years, I know he showed every single borderline trait there was and didn't seem to have any NPD or antisocial traits. the BPD, though male, did have a waif like look to him - he tried to appear angry and tough but he had very delicate features, almost pretty really. your typical 'pretty boy'. He also had an athletic frame and was pretty slender in build, very agile and quick. he didn't focus too much on his appearance, though, he'd neglect it more often than not when he fell into depressive moods - not showering or shaving for days, or even bothering to put on clean clothes when he fell into such moods. He didn't seem to know who his 'true self' was, he was either hostile with anger, over the moon with joy, or deeply depressed depending on extremely slight changes in his environment. He often expressed self-hatred.

the HPD female I knew considered herself to be extremely sexy but really was more your average girl-next-door type. she wasn't the type of woman who would stand out in a crowd for exceptional looks - she'd stand out because she collected groups of admirers. she had a somewhat boyish look to her, and she was very thin with no noticable curves. She played into her look very well though and was a professional flirt. I wouldn't say she was shallow, really, because she spent so much time reading people. she really could get inside a person's head and in order to do that, she couldn't be entirely self-absorbed.

NPD male- tall, perfectly symetrical, pretty much male model material, but only boasted about his looks occasionally. he preferred to boast about how 'strong' and 'smart' he was. he had a lot of superficial charm to lure people in, but once they were lured in he quickly became selfish and nasty in the relationship.

Um, I overreacted. sorry that is all.

nowheregirl wrote:Um, I overreacted. sorry that is all.

???? I don't think you were rude. You were fine. Interactions with nons can be tough I think. It's hard not to want to defend yourself. Chin up.

ya, thanks expressive.

Starsandstripes wrote:I lived with a diagnosed NPD for almost 2 years. She was not what I consider pretty, but she thought she was pretty darn cute. In my opinion she was not that focused on the way she looked appearance wise, but how she came across socially. She wanted everyone to think she was rich; she liked material things; and she thought she was better than everyone else.

The two BPD's I had long term friendships with were very beautiful. They were creative, successful in their chosen professions, very funny too. They were needy, and it seemed like I always had to protect them. They would get involved with literally anyone, and they always thought it was true love. The level of permiscuity they both had was pretty extreme. Both of them would hop in bed with the ugliest, nastiest, creepiest man I'd ever seen and have something wonderful to say about him. One of them even slept with a door to door magazine salesmen. Pretty sure those guys are homeless crackheads. They also were extremely volatile in their relationships, and threatened suicide ALL THE TIME!

The HPD - she was pretty, but not stunning. She thought she was the prettiest thing that's ever graced the planet. She spent a lot of time talking about how wonderful she was to outsiders, but she would admit certain flaws to me. She had a severe drinking problem, and drug problem. She was a pathological liar, and would lie about the most stupid $#%^. Like, she would say "I went for a run on the beach this morning at dawn. It was amazing! The ocean, the breeze, the birds, the sunrise..." then she would tell someone else a few hours later "I can't run at all since my back injury. It's fine though because I hate working out." Then there are other aspects, but I'm not going to reiterate myself. Just giving you my observation of the differences.

Thank you for your observations StarsandStripes.

It is interesting how you said the BPD's were needy. I noticed that particular trait with mine too. The NPD you mentioned fits a type I have observed over the years, and that is how you said she didn't care about her physical appearance but rather her social image. It is an ironic behavior trait I notice in them from time to time, and I think in part is that they think so highly of themselves that they see no need to focus too much on their appearance (after all...they are already so perfect).

The HPD thought she was the prettiest thing to grace the planet...I wonder why they usually think more highly of themselves than they really are. In spite of all the failed relationships and all of the other manifestations of reality that is not congruent with their lofty self image. What you said about the back injury is also textbook. They use an illness often (even their own diagnosis of HPD if they get one), to make excuses or to get attention.

Did you notice a common theme of all them? Since you had the experience of dating all of them, it would be interesting if you could remember some of what they all had in common. Like, when it was all said and done, were they all really that much different? Which one did you like being with the least...if you had to pick?

Was one better for a LTR than the others?

treetop wrote:well, my experience is a little different I suppose because the HPD I knew was a woman and the BPD and NPD people I knew were men. I know it's not expected that men could be borderlines but in living with the guy for 6 years, I know he showed every single borderline trait there was and didn't seem to have any NPD or antisocial traits. the BPD, though male, did have a waif like look to him - he tried to appear angry and tough but he had very delicate features, almost pretty really. your typical 'pretty boy'. He also had an athletic frame and was pretty slender in build, very agile and quick. he didn't focus too much on his appearance, though, he'd neglect it more often than not when he fell into depressive moods - not showering or shaving for days, or even bothering to put on clean clothes when he fell into such moods. He didn't seem to know who his 'true self' was, he was either hostile with anger, over the moon with joy, or deeply depressed depending on extremely slight changes in his environment. He often expressed self-hatred.

the HPD female I knew considered herself to be extremely sexy but really was more your average girl-next-door type. she wasn't the type of woman who would stand out in a crowd for exceptional looks - she'd stand out because she collected groups of admirers. she had a somewhat boyish look to her, and she was very thin with no noticable curves. She played into her look very well though and was a professional flirt. I wouldn't say she was shallow, really, because she spent so much time reading people. she really could get inside a person's head and in order to do that, she couldn't be entirely self-absorbed.

NPD male- tall, perfectly symetrical, pretty much male model material, but only boasted about his looks occasionally. he preferred to boast about how 'strong' and 'smart' he was. he had a lot of superficial charm to lure people in, but once they were lured in he quickly became selfish and nasty in the relationship.

Yea, Treetop, male BPD's do exist and it seems that you had ran into one. What you said about him not knowing his "true self" brings back a powerful memory (or impression) that I had about my ex. She never knew who she was. She was scattered, not having a center. It was ironic, looking into her empty eyes...

The NPD male, or any NPD like you observed, remind me so much of people who are insecure. It's like they need people to like them or they don't feel that they are important. And like you said...once they get their way, they switch-as if they have conquered you (by feeling they lured you in) into the selfish people you described.

Once again...your HPD also thought more of herself than was really there. I guess this is going to be the consistent common consensus (I know it certainly is with my experiences as well). I have read how the HPD was a people magnet, super beautiful, that she was the center of attention, etc. I would beg to differ and it looks like the experiences posted would beg to differ as well.

To think the HPD is a "gifted" pd is entirely untrue.