HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

by **Wendy1092** » Sun Feb 13, 2011 4:12 am

treetop- the reason i need this popularity as much as i do is because when people see me hanging around these people they admire me because of it and people look up to me since im n that clique but usually at some point i grow bored of the clique and move up and up, its that sense of reassuring that i can be as cool as i want to be, its rly hard to explain why its so important to me, but it is..

treetop wrote:also, I was wondering if this constant need for stimulation is because you're trying to avoid sitting around quitely, reflecting, and thinking about your life or your 'true self and your 'true emotions''.. it's just too hard to do? or is it something you've never done and just don't have an interest in doing?

- No, because I don't know which one is true. Neither is a true emotion for me. Each is equally true. I am the walking dead, that is my trueself. My friends hurt me, my lovers hurt me, my parents hurt me, and my family hurt me. None of them I can trust. - I don't know which emotional reality to believe anymore, and when I know which one should exist I can't do the right thing in it because the fake one has hurt me too badly to act - I am still numb from the shellshock.

- Labor.

by **thisislabor** » Sun Feb 13, 2011 5:40 am

treetop wrote:labor and wendy, what do you both feel you 'need' from this list of contacts? does each person/group of people serve a different purpose? (such as one person for financial help, one for favors, one for emotional validation.. ect, ect.)
what is it about functioning 'solo' or even with just a few close associates that frightens or depresses you?

I don't feel a need at all. There is no need anymore. No bonding process. It is dead. All that is left is a mental stimulation that takes place in the imagination - and it's not real - it could be real. it has the potential to be real. it looks so close to being real that it makes me want that reality and act as if it were real, - hell it even feals emotionally real - but it doesn't exist.

it is an amphetamine like response/action -> I can't stop it. it is tunnel vision. it is my only focus, my only infatuation. I am "in the zone" in my focus for it - there is nothing else outside of it and I don't even know that fact.

but that doesn't mean it actually exists. it just looks like it does. and then it is gone.

and what is real is all that is left.

- Labor.

by **Wendy1092** » Sun Feb 13, 2011 4:47 pm

that is so deep but i can relate, i dont feel emotionally attached to that specific person most of the time, but after a couple of week upon meeting them i feel as if they are my close friend, and for some reason most of the time they are sort of drawn to me, its kind of weird but its as if they are in a trance....but sometimes people jsut consider me an acquaintance, but i really hate that word becuz when i hear it i feel like i need to try harder and when i try harder i get too needy and push them away by my attention seeking habits, and when i feel as if im being rejected then it hurts, i HATE rejection of any kind, but when i feel a bond with people i usually grow bored of it, but when i become friends with people it ends in one of two ways, i become too needy and attention seeking, or i grow bored of them and not tlk to them and they become too needy for me like "i tohught we were friends why are u ignoring me?', but once i got out of them what i wanted i really have no use for them anymore, i mean why hunt an already dead deer when there is a field full of deer?

by **miscellany** » Sun Feb 13, 2011 5:48 pm

12, 12

by **Wendy1092** » Sun Feb 13, 2011 6:01 pm

wow misclenny, my therapist said almost the exact same thing,

by **Starsandstripes** » Sun Feb 13, 2011 7:17 pm

I'm curious to know, when you get bored of someone does it bother you if they don't like you? Or do you have the "they're dead to me" mentality towards them? And do you still keep them in your web of contacts...just in case?

by **miscellany** » Sun Feb 13, 2011 7:54 pm

12, 12

by **living in lalaland** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 1:11 am

I always wondered how my HPD neighbor managed to keep so many people on the phone for so long? I realized pretty quickly that I could tolerate listening to her for only so long and always felt tired for some reason just being around her.

It's as though she's trying to build her "web of contacts" around people we both know but who are (or were) primarily my acquaintances - possibly and in-part to get to me? She seems to be seeking my attention again, and I don't care why...whether to apologize in some way (doubtful) or appease me (for favors again) - I just want nothing to do with her, though I can't help feeling like the walls are closing in on me.

I truly feel for exes and close friends but also for the HPDs themselves who don't get it. It's worth saying that we all have our personality traits, and it's hard for any of us to tell when perception = reality.

by **compton** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 2:21 am

Living in Lalaland -
If it's any consolation:
I don't think you should imagine her carefully working on some big network project because she is intent on getting to know you better. She probably does not think of you nearly as much as you think she does. This is the mistake we all make with HPDs -- i.e. forgetting that with an HPD, it's about getting attention from pretty much any source. Sure, it irks her that the person right next door to her doesn't want to talk to her. When she sees you out in your yard, she tries to get your interest. But I don't think you're on her mind all or even most of the time. An HPD couldn't survive if she was focused full time on someone indifferent to her.

HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

ADVERTISEMENT

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Re: HPD's and their 'web' of contacts?

Who is online