I Cost HIM a $100k Job, But He Owes ME $2000 Cash- thoughts?

I've said thi sin passing a few times, but never got into the soecific details of the occurance itself. Now that our relationship is at an end, it's time to either settle up our unfinished business or just cut our loosses and move on...

Through the month of September 2010 I loaned my guy over $2000.00 to help him with some financial trouble he was having. He didn't ASK for it- I offered it to him as a LOAN, to which I have all our emails, and chat records saved as proof incase I need to take him to court.

Now, in I beleive it was around May 2010 when myX called me livid that he lost a $100k a year job offer from a company who was going to hire him on a 3 year contract UNTIL they found a link to HIS website on my PORN SITE yes I did have a small website for about a year and I gave my X a complimentary link back in my links section to drive him some exrat traffic to his own business (He's a entertainer of sorts- NOT ADULT) So, when I gave him the link on my site, I thought I was doing him a favor and giving him credit for helping me with a bit of the work I had on my site. As it turns out, what I did was a BAD thing, because when they put a spider out looking for his name and his business's name it turned up on my site (I didn't know that was even possible) and now he's been black balled on one of the widest used background check companies for the rest of his carrer.

My site is now terminated. I did that for a number of reasons, but one the m,ajor ones was that HE hated my website, so I did for HIM. Sop that information isn't even searchable or viewable anymore- my server has been purged of all data and files, and what happened as a result of my trying to gain him business, ended up costing him a lot in the long run

So here' sthe thing:
My damage was accidental 100%- I had NO IDEA that would happen.
He accepted the loan while we were dating, KNOWING IT WAS LOAN and agreed to pay me back over time.
Now that we've broken up, and after I slept with his best friend he no wants to pay me and he's blamming it all on that job 'I lost him' which I think is an absolute load of horse pucky!

I'ma asking everyone here to please tell me what you think is right?
I gave him EVERY PENNY I had, and I can no longer afford to give my kids any kind of Xmas this year and I'm struggling so hard to even pay my bills on a month to basis because he won't pay me back anymore. I have4 NOTHING and can get NOTHING until my next installment of OSAP (Student Loan) comes in.

Do you think that he should honor the loan agreement and pay me back like he promised?
I may have to take him to court to get it back- he reffuses to even make small paymkents of any kind.

OR do you think that after the damage I caused him (directly and indirectly) I too, along with my children) should have to suffer something in all of this and he should be able to keep it- no questions asked?

No need to comment- I created a poll to leave it as anonomous as possible, I just really need some help in this decission

Thank You

um....

I'm staying away from this one - I don't like really fine moral judgement calls.

I don't see a connection between the loan and the job loss. I'm sure there are myriad examples you could find in the rship in which you could say, "He did this but I did that." Or the other way around. Tit for tat ad infinitum.

Are you in need of the money? Is there any other reason you're thinking of engaging with him? By the sheer mention of the courts it seems like you're looking for a fight. And the loan is something to fight about. Or communicate about. I don't know - it just seems like there is more to this than just the 2K.

Leave it, it's not worth the emotional hassle. Depends what 2 grand means to you financially aswell.

velouria wrote:I don't see a connection between the loan and the job loss. I'm sure there are myriad examples you could find in the rship in which you could say, "He did this but I did that." Or the other way around. Tit for tat ad infinitum.

Are you in need of the money? Is there any other reason you're thinking of engaging with him? By the sheer mention of the courts it seems like you're looking for a fight. And the loan is something to fight about. Or communicate about. I don't know - it just seems like there is more to this than just the 2K.

A bit of back ground on my faninaces:

I'm a single mother of 2 and a student to boot, when I got my student loan I got $10k with had to last me until the next instalment of my loans in April- sounds like a lot, but kit's not really, because in order to make the move from Waterloo to Toronto, I have sell alomost everything I had (through kijiji) to get the money I needed for 1st/last months rent, pay for my college course books, etc... When we got here I had very little, didn't even have a bed for myself. I kept the kids bunk bed for them, but I sold anything else I had of any value- so they could keep there belongings... I had no couch, no sofa, no furniture less a few small pieces I could fit fit in my Jeep. Anyways, when I got my loan I purchased many of the things we needed for the apartment, everything mentioned, plus dinning set and some dressers, ect...
So I rebuilt everything we had lost with that loan, and what I had left was budgeted to be able to last until my next loan instalment.
My governemnt baby bonus (child suplemt) is $700&change a month, my monthly rent is $1200.00; the way I made the budget, I would have just enough left in my loan savings (just over $2k) to be able to top up my rent by using my monthly goverment payments, to last usuntil my next instalment.

I gave this EVERYTHING I HAD in my savings- now I have NO savings AT ALL & my monthly $700.00 isn't 1/2 the cost of my expences (rent + utilities, gas groceries, etc...) The rebuild from what we had lost wasn't cheap- but it was doable as long as I didn;'t overspend after the fact. The loan was made with repayment terms and everythingbecause he KNEW I wouldn;t have enough to make it if I didn't get it back from him. I've actually had to find receipts for some of the things I opurchased for our home, and take things back to the stores in order to pay my phone bills, and food since the break up (end of October)

$2000.00 isn't a lot to people to have savings and a regualr income- but it is DEVISTATING TO ME & MY KIDS! We have no income and no savings, this isn;t a 'chase him down get attention kinda thing' this is a serious loss that's making me and my kids suffer.

I even asked my X the other day for just some of that money ($50.00) to buy my son a new winter jacket, it's getting really cold (we live in Canada btw and our qinters are BITTERLY harsh here) and he's 9 going on 10, so he's grown a lot since last year and I can't even do the zipper up on his old coat.

No this isn't about attention or revenge it's URGENCY that makes me ask about this and even need to possibly take him to ocurt to get my money back. I'd preffer if he'd just man up and honour his debts- I don't WEANT a court battle and the process of court would longer than I have in order to keep the house afloat.

No- I've been putting off this thought and this action for as long as possible, hoping he's just give in and pay me back- but he won't...

You're absolutley right about the fact that's no connection between MY loand to him and HIS loss of job. He lost that job perspective before I even made him the loan, so if he was intent on kepping the money as form of compensation for that instance, you'd think he'd ahd never made arrangements and promises to pay me back.

No his actions are purely out of spite and anger, and if it where just ME on my own, fine- but I have KIDS and they NEED things- never mind the things they want, never mind the Christmas I can no longer offer to give them- my son needs a coat, new clothes, we need food, a roof over our heads- this is DEVISTATING to me and my children.

I gave him EVERYTHING I HAD to help him and his daughter (he's a single father raising her full time) and now he won't even help with small piece of what he owes me to buy the things I need for my own kids.

Yes I'm hurt and angry about that- but this isn't about hurt and anger- I NEED THAT MONEY BADLY!!!!

So yeah, given the history and my financial status at present- what do you think I should do?

Keep suffering and selling the rest of my belongings where I must to keep us afloat until April- or get the money he owes and live on the strict budget I ented for us?

Thanks for any and all input on this. I know the right thing to do would be for him to just pay me back, but it's not that simple- HE WON"T!!!

Take him to small claims court if you feel that stongly about it and are up for it.

Let a judge decide.

Doesn't cost much, $50 to $100 and you don't need a lawyer.

Just keep anything in writing dealing with it, between you and him. If he recognized it was a loan in writing at one point , that is all you need. Just show it to the judge. You don't need lawyer to do that. That's why they call it small claims.

Just go to the small claim court or on line and fill out the forum. All there is to it. Then if he doesn't pay, you have to appear and present your case. His written admittion of a loan, should be enough. Most get settled out of court.

You are not responsible for him loosing his job. It was his choice to be in a relationship with you. Up to him to keep his job or not or stay in a relationship or not.

Up to you, to decide to pursue this or not.

I agree. You mention having a paper trail. Hold on to it and let the court decide. Just don't let any of the noise about what you supposedly did to him cloud what you need to do. You didn't cost him his job, OK?

And thanks for the backstory. I agree that $2K is a lot of money. I just wanted to make sure that's what it was about before I advised you to move on. Just make sure you stick to the business at hand - you're embarking on a new therapy and there is no sense in dragging old bones into your new life chapter.

PS - I didn't vote because I didn't agree with the options. Too judgmental.

Thanks everyone for your input on this- I'm still not sure what I'm going to do.

The last thing I want is cause this man more pain and have to take him to court, so I'm desperately hopping he'll see reason and give me back the money I loaned him of his own accord.

He's no longer responding to my texts, calls or emails though- so it may come down to court battle in the end I hate that. I hate hurting people when it's so not nessisary, but he's not leaving me any other option at this point...