AliceWonders

Has anyone heard from AliceWonders lately? She was all over this forum for a while seeking and getting help, she seemed to be turning a corner in her life and now it's been 10 days since she has posted.

She and I hit rock bottom in our lives at about the same day and I was watching her treatment and recovery wondering if I should attempt my own but now she seems to be gone.
It’s like I have lost a gauge of my own recovery.
Or, even more oddly for me, I seem to have a concern for someone I don't even know. Maybe I have started my recovery and I haven't realized it until now.
But much more important than that is: Does Anyone know?

I don't know where she is or how she is but l too am concerned. l am beginning to feel a concern about other members who post on here, and a concern for their life stories. Maybe it is a combination of the beginnings of empathy and the fact that l feel a sense of an anonymous community here, but l do hope she gives us an update...........

I don't know either of your stories yet but figure you are from the HP side (sorry if i got this wrong). In my 3 years on and off of this board, what i noticed is that self declared HP come to it, then just dissapear off of it for some reason when its least expected. But isn't that consistent with HP in general, you tell me.... ! I am sure Alice is just fine, but taken up 101 percent elsewhere!

Musician

OMG YOU GUYS!!!!

So Sweet of you to care about me!

I'm here and I think I'm back on track...

Not sure, but I'm fighting my urges to self medicate with sex, and while I did go out and let 'Pam' have full rein for a while, I was able to NOT actually follow through and meet these men and women for sex...

I contacted my family doctor over 2 weeks ago, crying and begging for help. To have me addmitted to the mental until at Toronto West Hospital, where I can hopefully get some physical/personal help dealing with my disorder before it deals with me.

It's been hard, VERY HARD not to give in and plumit the 22 floors from my balcony and ease my own pain. But in giving myself over to 'Pam' and letting her pull me through the darkness in her online interactions, plus LOADS of SLEEP and chocolate bars, I've gained a few pounds and bit more insight into a few things that were really hurting me and my recovery before.

I'm sorry.
I do have a tendancy to dissapear from time to time, and when I do it's because I'm self medicating somehow: sleep, sex, drink or drugs (though the last 2 have been avoided for almost 3 years now) and when I'm in this stae of mind or limp matter, I totally avoid anything that is real or painful. It's my dissociation from the real that gets me through life. I know it's wrong, and one day I'll learn NOT to do that, but it's still early days for me and I'm not there yet.

Right now, just keeping myself alive to get to the next step is a struggle in and of itself.

Stay STRONG Everyone!!! I'm truly touched by your concern & for the moment, I am here again...

Best Wishes
~Alice

Take time for yourself Alice, gently getting your thoughts together, allowing those deep dark emotions time to settle. It is possible to begin to heal, it really is, because you have the insight and the desire to do so. We are all rooting for you here on the board.

Take it a second at a time, a minute at a time, a day at a time......warm thoughts for you hun.

masquerade wrote:Take time for yourself Alice, gently getting your thoughts together, allowing those deep dark emotions time to settle. It is possible to begin to heal, it really is, because you have the insight and the desire to do so. We are all rooting for you here on the board.

Take it a second at a time, a minute at a time, a day at a time......warm thoughts for you hun.

Thank You SOO MUCH!!!!!

I wish everyone the very best... I'm not quite sure what else to say here; I'm really not used to anyone caring about me without wanting something in return...

But THANK YOU MOST HONESTLY!

We're all in this thing together. It feels so good to be in a place where you know you're among people who aren't here to judge you but to support you, doesn't it? Warm thoughts from my side of the Atlantic as well!!

StrugglingHPD wrote:We're all in this thing together. It feels so good to be in a place where you know you're among people who aren't here to judge you but to support you, doesn't it? Warm thoughts from my side of the Atlantic as well!!

I know, it's so crazy. I don't have any real friends in my life- and to be honest I don't think I ever really did. Everyone who associates with me in my real life wants or expects something of me, less my family. And once they get what they want- they split on me.

No one's ever hear when I need something, like emotionally need something, support in my life and what not.

I dunno? It's wierd- I'm just not used to people NOT wanted something from me.
I feel like I should be doing something for you all, or giving you something for even carring about me. As nice as it is to feel supported- I feel like I owe something in exchange for it all.

I'm used to GIVING my love and support to other and not expecting or getting anything back- but not the other way around.

I know a lot of the NON's think we use them and stuff, and maybe we do- but I always give something in return. I'm not used to getting ANYTHING, not even attention, with out GIVING something in return.

I guess I kinda feel guilty, getting support and giving anything back

I dunno? This is kinda new for me... I thank you all and I wish everyone here the very best in life and health!!!!