HPD refuse to talk.....means refusing attention?

Its been 2 and half months since i grow a spine and call my ex gf attention on all her mistreatment , manipulation and games she played with me. There were so many things which i knew before and ignored for the sake of my Love and liking to her .Her lie ( well she lied to me zillion times before but this last one i able to catch red handed) has finally becom the reason for break up and it was really ugly.It also happened on phone which makes it more worst.

I never ever caught her cheating ,though i always had those gut feelings and her actions were so obvious at times to suggest that. Like 1) hiding /keeping on silent /switching off /not attending her mobile the time when she is with me 2) suddenly missing from work without any knowledge to me where she is. 3) Avoiding sex as much possible and giving lame excuses for that.

She once told me that even if someday we borke away she would like me to have her as a friend becouse she cant imagine life without me around. (typical HPD attitude).

She work for a company which has business contracts with us (thats how i met her). today, she wanted to check about some contract and called my colleague. I am the one who actually deals with all these contracts so my colleague told her that once i am back he will ask me to call her. (my colleague has no idae about our relationship.). Once i am back and my colleague called her to connect to me, she refused to him impolitely saying"i dont want to talk to him" and told him to check with me about the contract and explain to her.

she had a chance to get some attention form me by listenign to me and she might get the satisfaction of me asking her how she is or something though it was not my intention and i have recovered a lotsince then.

My question is, why she let a good chance of getting an attention go?

She never diagnosed as an HPD officially but her track record fulfil the criteria 100%. I am confused. Is she not an HPD.? Did i doubted her as a disordered person and acted in desperation to break up with her?

Damn i was recovering so nicely and then...this thing happened today -:(

Sounds like you've been devalued and she's now poising herself to be your victim.
And she does have your attention now...doesn't she? Stay strong. Don't call her. Let her be professional in the work place.

Even though it hurts and is confusing the "hell" out of you, remember their MO is to "win".

You deserve better.

Awww jeni....you are right..she stil got my attention.....$#%^ !!! i have to start over again...damn.

Jeni's right, attention from the devalued one is naturally value-less to the HPD.

I could tell when my devaluation started, because my HPD then-gf began answering the phone in that weary "what is it now?" tone of voice.

Incidentally, triptohell:
I like your point about her turning off the cell phone, ignoring it.
An obvious point, but worth reminding for those of us in that first honeymoon (=sucker) phase.
My HPD ex used to keep her phone muted and out of sight too, but like an idiot, I completely misinterpreted that as a sign that I had her full attention!!

Very true compton....When i sit back now and think of it, I lugh. How come i was so naive. \even a child can get those obvious signs. Really, How often those "kid in a adult body" make us a kid so easily.

Or perhaps she just doesn't want to talk to you.

Sure we're manipulative- but you all act like it's not possible that we just flat out don't like you anymore. Happens. Happens even with nons. You all don't always talk to your exs and sometimes your exs just don't have any desire to talk to you.

SansStars wrote:Or perhaps she just doesn't want to talk to you.

Sure we're manipulative- but you all act like it's not possible that we just flat out don't like you anymore. Happens. Happens even with nons. You all don't always talk to your exs and sometimes your exs just don't have any desire to talk to you.

You are absoutely right about not really wanted to feel like talking to exes. However, we, Nons look at the matter with some logic and that is where we able to difrentiate a game or a manipulation from simple act of not wanting to do something.

This is the 67th contract she was looking at in last 7 years and she was asking my colleague to explain the basic standard content of contract to her before she get it signed by her bosses. She called several time when i was away (she knew exactly what time i usually go out for my meeting outside) and stop calling when i came back and my colleague try to connect her to me on phone by saying rudely in loud voice that she dont want to talk to me.

MY colleague never called her back to explain what she was asking. She send the signed contract this morning without further call or inquiry.

Its obvois to me now that the act was to get attention but not directly and as usual she get it when she came to know that i am willing to talk. Childish really.

trip, I'd like to add something about how refusing to talk to you can indeed indicate manipulation in that she's no longer trying to manipulate you, but possibly others around you. let me explain.

my hpd friend often liked to claim that exes or other random guys were 'stalking' her or they just couldn't let go of their obsessions with her. she'd make a dramatic show of ignoring phone calls (when I was sitting there) or she'd announce what she was doing to her latest target or fan club member of the moment. turns out she had actually called her supposed 'stalkers' for nonsensical reasons earlier in the day (she needed the name of a good dentist, she was wondering how much a fender costs, ect, ect - all lame excuses to make contact). she'd leave these questions on their voicemail or text them. then when the individual innocently tried to contact her back to give her the information, she'd put on a dramatic show that they just 'couldn't get enough of her' even though it was 'over.' in a sense, she wasn't trying to get attention from the person she'd originally called in most cases, she was trying to get attention from others and appear harassed by exes. I found out what she was doing by talking to some of these people, who were puzzled why she'd disappear for long periods of time, only to ask a lame question and then disappear again when they responded.

treetop wrote:trip, I'd like to add something about how refusing to talk to you can indeed indicate manipulation in that she's no longer trying to manipulate you, but possibly others around you. let me explain.

my hpd friend often liked to claim that exes or other random guys were 'stalking' her or they just couldn't let go of their obsessions with her. she'd make a dramatic show of ignoring phone calls (when I was sitting there) or she'd announce what she was doing to her latest target or fan club member of the moment. turns out she had actually called her supposed 'stalkers' for nonsensical reasons earlier in the day (she needed the name of a good dentist, she was wondering how much a fender costs, ect, ect - all lame excuses to make contact). she'd leave these questions on their voicemail or text them. then when the individual innocently tried to contact her back to give her the information, she'd put on a dramatic show that they just 'couldn't get enough of her' even though it was 'over.' in a sense, she wasn't trying to get attention from the person she'd originally called in most cases, she was trying to get attention from others and appear harassed by exes. I found out what she was doing by talking to some of these people, who were puzzled why she'd disappear for long periods of time, only to ask a lame question and then disappear again when they responded.

Bingo ! thats her...thats my ex. treetop...exactly !!

treetop wrote:trip, I'd like to add something about how refusing to talk to you can indeed indicate manipulation in that she's no longer trying to manipulate you, but possibly others around you. let me explain.

my hpd friend often liked to claim that exes or other random guys were 'stalking' her or they just couldn't let go of their obsessions with her. she'd make a dramatic show of ignoring phone calls (when I was sitting there) or she'd announce what she was doing to her latest target or fan club member of the moment. turns out she had actually called her supposed 'stalkers' for nonsensical reasons earlier in the day (she needed the name of a good dentist, she was wondering how much a fender costs, ect, ect - all lame excuses to make contact). she'd leave these questions on their voicemail or text them. then when the individual innocently tried to contact her back to give her the information, she'd put on a dramatic show that they just 'couldn't get enough of her' even though it was 'over.' in a sense, she wasn't trying to get attention from the person she'd originally called in most cases, she was trying to get attention from others and appear harassed by exes. I found out what she was doing by talking to some of these people, who were puzzled why she'd disappear for long periods of time, only to ask a lame question and then disappear again when they responded.

This post sent shivers down my back. Some of these girls are so far up their own a**es that they really don't get it that their so called fan club is more their imagination. That they think this is one thing, but that they spread it around that 'so and so" or "thingy ma jig" is "oh so desperately in love with me still" and is part of the said "fan club" drives me mental, because in my opinion, for the most part they are so wrong! If they get over themselves enough to realise that their X probably just wants a logical explanation to the why's, when's and what's of their absurd just dead relationship, and not drag things on like the HP might imagine; then progress might be made and the HP may realise that lil ole them just isn't as important as they want to imagine.

As for why an HP won't call back! Mind f*ck and Power! They want power over the X, they want to haunt his thoughts (mind f*ck) with the amiguity of ongoing silence! My X did that with one of the guys before me, and in front of me...and she even admitted it (i was an allie then hehe... )!"I win she said, i don't like what he said to me last time, he shall learn to know his place. I might reply to him one of these days"!!! Another manner of this is explained in one of the other recent posts. Its the "thx" texto message sent inappropriately....its ambiguity pushes a further response...."mind f*ckorama" hehe...