SansStars wrote:I'm no psychologist but to ME, I see it this way. The love of a parent is the strongest love you can feel incoming towards yourself. It's what sets up the ability for you to love another in a similar way. But the love of a spouce is the strongest love you give from yourself outward. Without the first incoming love, it would be hard to give the outgoing love and we'd (those with daddy issues maybe not all HPDs) always be searching for the first so we can give the outward love. I want to love someone and feel loved, I just don't. Not the way I feel like I should.
I think the bible supports my view.
anyways... how do you even have children if your relationship with your spouse aint right? what happens if you lose one child? you can make more. litterally. if you have 10 and lose one, you can go on to have 4 more and have 13 kids in the end. if you lose a spouse you can't have anymore. this is important biologically because about 50% of children didn't even make it to 18 before the 1800's era (most of the evolution of man).
SansStars wrote:Mistaben wrote:Does your therapist normally see HPD individuals? Is he personally familiar with the type of problems they have?
I don't think so. I need to ask him, I suppose. But how do I go about asking that without him saying he thinks it's a PD? Like, "Hey buddy. I still think I have a PD. Do you? Do you have any experience with that? Maybe that's why you're missing it?"
Kidding on the last question.
I don't think it is that big of a deal. It's just business. Your just checking his references. You wouldn't go to a surgeon who has never done an eye surgery before would you? you would find one who has lots of practice first. (or at least you should find an experienced one!)
The kind of bedroom behavior your talking about is actually fairly common between trusting couples. Sometimes good sex is just fun, and this includes bedroom language and power play behaviors - but real devaluation is not fun nor is there love in it.
It sounds to me like from past history you clearly know the difference. My personal opinion: as long as it stays in the bedroom and it gets your rocks off... carry on.
SansStars wrote:I agree there's no love in real rape. The guy was not someone I knew, just a back lash of my breakup with my boyfriend and a misplaced search for validation/something to do. I blocked so much out of it I don't even know if I said no to him. I remember nothing of how I got undressed or anything.
I've heard of other girls liking similar things (on a smaller scale) but I guess it's more how I preceive it that makes me think it's not the same. It's the actual violent act that gets me. The force. And I see how you mean between trusting couples, but I'm talking about it without my husband (the only person I would call trusting back to me).
So, what your saying is... you like a man with authority, huh? How about I call you later and show you how a real man takes control.
lol, my point being is you don't have to know someone "well" to trust that they don't actually think your litterally their "16 year old piece of property". a little bit of a ego/powertrip never hurt the bedroom play - just as long as when you get outside of the bedroom they don't "litterally" think that your a piece of property (it's like rough anal sex: it's just a whole different world of sex play
). anyways, it is called "adult play time" for a reason.
(I'm reading that you only play like this with people other then your husband) as a serious note, have you ever considered that maybe your husband is just boring? maybe you could get him to spice it up in the bedroom a bit? or maybe some rough play with you every now and then wouldn't hurt. it is pretty common, many girls are turned on by the devaluation/power factor in the bedroom.
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