What is histrionic personality disorder? Do I have it?

I am a 14 year old guy who it seems no one ever notices. My mom only cares about her men her daughters and herself. I was meant to be aborted and I suppose that's why I'm not in any reason to really matter in her family. My dad hasn't been around only when something happens serious to me like getting raped or getting cancer were like my best times when my they found out cuz he cared again. Well I guess you could say I do seek attention in various ways. Especially in the family I do tend to be the black sheep of the family. I get into too much trouble just so my parents and family will notice me just for a sec at least. I try to make no enemies at school at all. People ignored me or thought I was just the special needs kid who got cancer they didn't make fun of me. They just treated me like I was a third grader that was misplaced or something never was recognized as a normal kid. I couldn't get attention for being just me so I dressed differently so people would notice me and I felt the only part of my personality interesting to guys I wanted to hang out with besides that sexually we had a commonality. I don't even really know that I am gay but really it was anything to get attention even if it was short and they forgot about me. I felt extreamely low self esteem when the guy I really liked just forgot about me after 6 weeks of hanging out with me. I never wanted this reputation to be this way but I feel it's the only way people ever notice. I feel suicidal when I am alone with my thoughts. I always think of how I feel so unwanted so disliked how I should change it but I feel I can't because I would be back to the depressed 10 year old boy that no one even knew existed. I looked up histrionic personality disorder and I saw there were some commonalities between it but what's it caused by and do I have it?

Hey,

You'll never be happy in life if you always have to do something dramatic to get peoples' attention. It seems that this is what you are currently doing. Therefore, something will have to change, won't it? Things could be viewed as erratic right now, and you have to get them under control - you have to get to a certain level of consistency and calmness in your life. Right now, there is too much variability and stress coming upon you.

Unfortunately, your family might never be the great people you want them to be. So, maybe you should reduce your expectations for them. Social/persoal acceptance for you might have to be found elsewhere - i.e. outside of your family.

TAke care,
kevin

Hi justherefornow1,
You and I have had very similar childhoods indeed. My first attempt as suicide was 6, drugs at 9 (dominated my life until 25 in one big blur), and basically lived in a place where no one touched, hugged, talked or showed any love for me. I cannot recall being hugged or told I was loved except for a few times by my mother when I was about 10...

I was lucky though to realize early on that you cannot pick your family and you cannot change who they are, what they think, how they act, how they feel...they all have nothing to do with you...it's them! You cannot change a person, they can only change themselves.But never forget, you are you and that you can affect change in. Don't let them or anyone else define who you are, and most importantly, who you can become!

You have a full life ahead of you. My advice is to search out those rare people that shine a light in the world, that have hope and love to give and to learn from them. They are out there! Hopefully you can then do as I did and find your real family in great people you can call your real friends. I am 43 now and my savior was a life long friend I still keep in touch with to this day 30 days later who changed my life. She showed me that I matter, that I must learn to love myself and all that I am, that we are all beautiful inside in our own unique ways.

Now I am very religious myself (a result of the realization that I really need so much help every day I think =)) and I don't want to sound preachy, but you will find many of these *shiny* type of people in church youth groups going through the exact same thing you are! I am not kidding!

Best of luck in all that you do.

With regards to "What is histrionic personality disorder?" here is an excellent portrait description by a high school or college teacher I found somewhere on the web:

"One of my students last year was textbook histrionic.

Is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention

(always saying "I'm SO HOT!" even when no males were present)

Interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior

(told coach, "I'd have your baby!)

Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions

(shifting from angry tears to joy and vice versa on a dime)

Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self

(very tight clothing, posing)

Has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail

(probably because she had a limited vocabulary, though)

Shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion

(drama queen)

Is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances

(chameleon)

Considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.

(everyone was in love with her or trying to get her into bed)

Compulsiveness

(compulsive about seducing everything that fogged a mirror)

She was very cute, very charming, very manipulative, she was always telling me that I was hot, too.

But she also had some psychopathic/narcissistic tendencies, a history of shoplifting, very unstable on the job, and most of all, no guilt. No shame. No conscience whatsoever.

[the psychopathic tendencies and lack of conscience indicates Million's descrption of the disingenuous Histrionic; i.e., a Histrionic personilty with anti-social features]