Getting over the bitch from hell !!!

It's been 2 months since we broke up and although I'm relieved its over as there was no future with this woman, I desperately miss her. Why I don't know as she was by far the most horrible person I have ever met. It took me many searches online but she's clearly histrionic in my view.

I met my Angelina Jolie look alike 7 months a go. I traveled hours every weekend just to see her for one day and on our first date I felt like the cat who got the cream. She's in her early 20's, a single mum and she looked stunning. She fits my perfect woman to the Tee, Long black hair, BIG blue eyes with smooth olive skin and a body to die for. I was completely intoxicated by her looks and sexuality.

However a couple of red flags started to appear. She got mad when she found out that I'm still occasionally in touch with my ex wife. " Your just using me while your still in love with HER ! " Then she started to pick at my bachelor lifestyle, which she made out that I'm a player who is using her which I wasn't. My 7 days in Ibiza was thrown in my face all the time, in other words if I've been to Ibiza I must be a player who sleeps around, which I don't. We had numerous arguments but I thought she's just insecure. She told me about her past which is filled with horrific stories of dysfunctional parents, abusive boyfriends and it seems, her lifelong quest to find love through dodgy sexual practices. I could see she was a very lonely person, and craved real love and I was more than willing to give it to her.

Things went south pretty quickly. I got the feeling that myself like the few friends she had, where only in her life as we where useful to her in some way and as I was always doing something around the house. Like she wasn't in love with me but I was good with her kid and kept her company as she was lonely. I also was never good enough for her, she started to find fault with everything about me. I'm getting to fat, my toe nails needed clipping, even had a regular foot inspection when I came to visit, control freak anyone. My clothes needed ironing, I'm useless at DIY and she will need to be the MAN in the relationship. She turned into a manipulative control freak. Her moods would change all the time, happy the one minute, depressed and quiet the next. When she went quiet you knew she was about to blow as you could see she was concocting something in her warped mind. She would say something outrages and seconds later when asked about it, completely deny she said it. If confronted about it she would get mad which is something I realized from early on, this is one ANGRY girl.

She didn't just constantly find fault with me, but also constantly contradicted herself. She would say things like I want us to move in together, then days later after argument say no, she wants to stay where she is. Then if things where ok, move in, then not move in etc. I NEVER KNEW WHERE I STOOD WITH HER !!! There where to many to mention but by now I was walking on egg shells. I was stressed out, unhappy but somehow .... this is mad, I know ... glad I met a woman who could see my faults and maybe that is what I always needed in my life. A strong willed woman who can motivate me to change. I know, how misguided can a man be ? On top of that I got really attached to her son and the sex was still amazing so on we went however there wasn't a month when I didn't walk out stressed and humiliated by her put downs, the temper tantrums and judgmental attitude. I had to fight back and I did, and I believe she slowly lost interest as I wasn't just going to lie down and take the abuse.

Another feature of our relationship was the mind games, the constant testing of my loyalty and the endless arguments that could go on for hours, on even days. As she found woman attractive, she wanted us to have a threesome with another woman. She was so convincing and I believed she wanted to do it, but it was apparently one of her many tests. She admitted to being very prmoiscious in the past, and sleeping with her exes and it lead to many rows, especially as she admitted to sleeping with many of them when she wasn't in a relationship with them.

We finally split up over the loads of ex boyfriends contacting her, and she kept " bumping " into them and I felt I couldn't trust her. It ended with her shouting down the phone that I am too controlling and possessive. Hello ???

I feel so weak lately, just want to contact her but know it will lead to my eventual downfall, and to be honest, she is not the right woman for me. If only i could stop thinking with the wrong head, I'll be ok.

Histrionic or not, this woman is bad news to you. You know what to do now. Go complete NC. Get control of your life and dont fell for her again.

She sounds truly toxic. Just think of all of the emotional turmoil and grief she has caused you thus far. Be thankful you didn't get further involved with her and get ensnared in her web of lies and deceptions.NO CONTACT is the only way. You are probably thinking, "If we could only get together and talk, it will all be better". She is not a rational person capable of normal thoughts and emotions, so talking it out won't work. Concentrate on yourself. Go to the gym, get into therapy, hang out with friends. It has been over 3 yrs since the HPD in my life left me in her wake of destruction and lies, yet there are days I still think about her. Just don't acknowledge her existence, it it really the only way to break free. She will continue such activities much to her detriment, and then you can stand back and laugh.

Hey bayofplenty! Your post is dated from 2010 but if you happen to reconnect or get this message, I would be curious to know how you got over your ex. I left my girl over a year ago. Very similar story to yours. I know it would be a mistake to get back with her so I have been able to maintain no contact so far. Thanks in advance for your help.

Hi Tommy. Maybe I can tell you my experience, perhaps it will help.

My ex uBPD/HPD broke up with me in January 2015, so more than 3 years has passed since that event.

I cannot deny that just right after the breakup I was a shell of my former shelf - I was very, very depressed in the first 5 months, I was constantly checking her FB account to keep an eye on her new romance, and I was obsessing over "what happened".

For sure this relationship represented a pretty remarkable "unique" event in my life, as I've never met a woman like her before the beginning or after the end of the relationship.

Overall, I can tell you that the obsessing and the emotional pain will fade over time: they will not turn off like a switch, rather, you will face a continuous process, where you can expect to improve little by little with occasional setbacks. Don't be pessimist, the process works...you just have to trust it and be patient. The amount of time required to heal varies from person to person...in my case I can say that it took me more than 18 months.

Finally, I'd say that informing myself over her disorder, as well as a good amount of introspection and therapy (1 year) have greatly facilitated my enotional healing.

I hope that my past experience and insights can be of help. A big hug.

Thank you Fr4nz83, your reply is much appreciated even though it pisses me off to be affected that much by someone else (ex). I sometimes wonder if whatever happen in our life is actually a repercussion of something we've done in the past. I have been with lots of women in my life and most likely have hurt some of them, not on purpose. Maybe this last one was put on my path so I can understand something. She sure was a goddess, with all that comes with the illusion of it and Histrionic behavior you can find on this forum. I know I have to move on. Still on recovery mode and embracing it. Yes patience must be the key. I knew it from the start. She was cover with red flags. I risk managed and told myself I'll absorb the hit if it goes wrong. I'm a big boy. I might have over estimated the side effects of something I had never dealt with. Anyhow, not the end of the World I suppose. Thanks for the reply again. Feels good to put my thoughts in words. Thanks to Psychforum as well.

Tommy

Hey Tommy2,

As Fr4nz83 wrote, it's going to take time for you to feel better, and there is no shame in that. That written...

This is an old topic. If you are still struggling, please feel free to create your own, but please do so over in the Significant Others, Family & Friends forum.

This sounds more like narcissism

I hope this thread becomes active again as I am in need of a lot of support. My relationship lasted two years and now broken up for two months.

You name it and it happened during our rollercoaster of a relationship. I was married for 11 years at the time, two young children. She was married and we just started flirting through work. One thing led to another and she divorced her husband without blinking and I divorced my sweet wife and wnt through torment from all the guilt.

She didn't allow me to mourn the loss of my marriage and family because she didn't seem to care about her marriage. She did a lot of HPD, controlling, manipulative, mind scrambling behaviors throughout the relationship and about once a month I would get $#%^ faced drunk and go into a rage because it would get so built up in me. "I'm not trying to control you, I just want you to be the best version of yourself." I heard this so many times. But back to the rages, they got bad, always worse with each occurrence, including threats of suicide and guns involved. This never happened once in my marriage, not even close. My ex-hpd would never take responsibility for making me feel the way I did and couldn't see why I went into rage mode like I did.....even when I gave her the timeline of the things she did to screw with my mind.

Screwing with my mind, that's what really has me down in the dumps. Before her, I was a confident, driven professional. Now, I have zero confidence and treat my work poorly. She made me question myself so much that I down even know which way is up. She was so methodical about twisting stories up and locking away statements I said 10 months ago and placing them in her vault and then using them against me with her own twist of what I allegedly said. She is a master manipulator and I saw her do it with other people.

She was so methodical with her plans, she wrecked my life and now I am struggling to pick the pieces up. Some days are just too hard. Oh and how gorgeous she is. Blonde, beautiful body, very good in bed, brought excitement to my life like I never had but 1,000 times more chaos. So vivid with our future plans, such a groomer, I am a mess. Please help

To crbynum23,

I feel for you and understand your pain. I hesitated before replying since I am fairly new to this forum. In case you did not received private messages, as xdude pointed out to me, we are supposed to write in the Significant Others, Family & Friends forum, and perhaps start a new tread for your story.

That being said, take your time to heal, keeping no contact is crucial in my own experience.

That is tough one to hear but I suggest you look also at your behavior in the relationship. Why did you let that happened? Did you see red flags and ignored them? Something to ponder on. My experience with HPD is that she did a lot of things and had behaviors that I was not familiar with but I accepted to stay in there.

Other than that, the usual best practices: stay away from alcohol and drugs, sleep a lot, eat well, exercice a lot, and you will be back on your feet. There are tons of women out there. You will find another one.

Hope that helps,

Tommy