I think I May Have HPD...

hello..

i'm a graduate student, and I just heard of HPD tonight. But after reading about it online for the past 4 hours, most of the characteristics match up with my personality. Just to give a quick history:

growing up, i had a HUGE imagination. i would write stories all the time, and i had lots of imaginary friends. i started lying a lot, discovered masturbation early, and craved attention from men. i was raised by my grandmother, and i often watched my mother get dressed to go clubbing, fight with other members of my family, etc. i also fought with her a lot, every time she would come to my grandmother's house. i started craving attention from women as well, and i found it difficult to maintain childhood friendships. i would just get angry and become emotionally unavailable for no reason at all. all of this was from the ages of 7-13.

my relationships with boys were always incredibly intense, with lots of lying to my family. i lost my virginity at a very young age, i think just because i wanted to be accepted. i got into really loud, bad arguments with ex boyfriends, sometimes even calling the cops. i loved playing victim, and would try to provoke violence. i hit and scratched ex boyfriends so bad that i left scars. once, after an argument, i lied about being sexually assaulted to try to make my ex feel guilty for leaving me.

i've gotten better, and this came from not dating for about a year and writing. i also commited my career to community service. im just trying to get better internally, and be a better person for my future husband and family (and for myself!)

most would describe me as cute, bubbly, funny, outgoing, laidback. i don't cheat on boyfriends, and i don't care about being the center of attention unless i'm having an argument or a fight.

does it seem like i have hpd? or am i just ###$ like everyone else? (haha)

Why do you think you're HPD? You don't sound like it. Not wanting to be the center of attention. Engaging in community work. Wanting (at a young age) to be a better person for the future. Self-reflective...You could not sound less like my HPD ex.

Especially: not dating for a year! I can't imagine an HPD woman voluntarily taking herself out of circulation for a year. Most HPDs have the next guy lined up even before they break up with the current one.

i guess i just feel manipulative sometimes, and like i can't control my feelings... a little out of control. but that is encouraging! i do not want to have HPD at all. thanks for your help!

If you are violent and prone to depression then I'd have a look at BPD.

Hey hun, I've been diagnosed HPD several times, sometimes weak, sometimes moderate. I share a lot of the same traits as you. Early masturbation, seeking attention from men, etc. I was celibate for over a year, and it was HARD! I didn't date at all for a year. My experience has been that it can come and go to an extent... sometimes it's hard to recognize the behavior before disaster happens. But making the conscience effort is admirable, and I'm with you! Hit me up if you want to talk.