Anyone happy in relationship with HPD?

Is there anyone happy in their relationship with HPD? If so, how did you achieve that?

I think there is some user named TK who lives with HPD and is happy with her?

Butch

Below is a copy of a posting from Tatterred Knight. Read it, then read all his posts. I do believe TK is now happy, but can't really answer for him. Just my impression from his posts. Lot of work on his part though.

You are currently doing the opposite of everything he suggest below. The trick is not to beg to get them back, but the opposite. Ignore them and let them go, till they come back under your terms. They may not come back though, but if not, what's the point in having them come back. Nothing will change. That is the chance you take.

Put the relationship on the line, if they don't follow your boundries, depending on the circumstances. Read TK's guide below.



TK's Guide to Married Life with an HPD

This is from my personal experience over the last three years. It may or may not gel with anyone else's. No guarantees, implied or otherwise, regarding merchantability or fitness for purpose, etc etc yada yada.

Often, the guys that end up in a relationship (not just as f**k buddies or for a pump and dump) with an HPD are 'nice guys' with co-dependent traits. Sounds like you might be, I know I definitely was. You can't be a nice guy in a relationship with a normal woman, let alone an HPD, without being walked all over and ultimately leaving both of you hurt and unsatisfied. I'm not saying you can't be a *good* guy. Be caring, loving, and supportive by all means. But unless you embrace your role as the leading force in the relationship, she'll treat you like dirt, and then she'll be angry at you for *letting* her treat you like dirt. I've come to believe that a woman can't feel long-lasting passionate love for a man who's weak and controllable. That's where the dreaded "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" line comes in - the fire's gone out, because he didn't stoke it and fan the flames.

A female HPD is the very essence of femininity. The good (caring, nurturing, loving, warm, affectionate), the attractive (presentation, the way she moves, the way she can make any guy feel on top of the world), and the bad (lying and cheating if she can get away with it, emotionally unstable, fickle and irresponsible), all dialled up to maximum and wrapped up in a petite package. She's a wild woman - as you would expect, because HPD forms due to lack of closeness with her mother. As one of our resident HPDs here once said, it's not so much that they use and discard men as that they're looking for the 'perfect man', one who can give them what they need. My quest, and yours, is to learn to be that man.

If she is the primal feminine, how could she ever have a real relationship with anyone but the primal masculine? To make it work, you have to be that primal force. You have to be active, not passive. Be the incubus to her succubus. Strong, brave, and unafraid, especially of her. Never hide from conflict, never run from a fight. You have to be sure of yourself, always. You make the decisions, she can disagree with you (and if you choose to, you can go with her suggestion instead) but the final say is yours. You can treat her like a queen - but make damn sure she knows you're the king. If she puts you down, call her on it and tell her it's unacceptable. If she treats you badly or starts showing another man too much attention, tell her, straight away, that she *will* stop. If her words and her actions don't match, and sometimes they won't, then tell her so and demand an explanation. Always, ALWAYS believe her actions over her words. And most importantly, she has to KNOW you are ready and willing to walk away for keeps if she breaks any relationship ground rules. I can't stress enough how important it is that you NEVER let her break your boundaries without consequences. If you train her to view your boundaries as empty threats, then it's your fault when she's surprised that you won't take her back after she cheats.

She will test you, constantly, to see if she can control you. Don't let her push you or manipulate you. She'll yell and scream when you stop jumping on her command. She will push every button she can find to try and get you back under control. She will rage at you. Always stop and think it through. Don't be afraid to apologise if you were in the wrong, but never just assume you were, and never apologise when you were in the right. If you were and it's just another shit-test, tell her directly "your anger is your problem, not mine" and give her some space to get over it. She'll rage even harder when you say this - that's part of the test. If she can intimidate you, you fail, and she loses respect for you. If she can't, even if the night ends on her stomping off to the spare room yelling "I'm never speaking to you again" over some ridiculous thing, you pass. Her respect for you goes up, she feels safer and more committed in the relationship, and believe it or not she finds you more attractive.

As for the sex - just taking the lead in the relationship in general will improve things in that area. As with every other aspect of your life, though, take the lead here. Be spontaneous. Slap her ass on the way past, give her a passionate kiss for no reason whatsoever, bring her flowers if you feel like it. If she responds well to that kiss, pick her up and carry her to the bedroom like a Viking pillager (obviously no means no - give her a squeeze and a smile and a quick kiss on the lips and leave the room - do NOT try and make her feel guilty, make sure she knows that you're not upset and you're up for some later when she's ready). Never apologise for wanting sex - you're a red blooded male and wanting to have sex with her is part of why you married her. Never ask for sex, NEVER beg for it. Just crank up your own engine and if your experience is anything like mine, she'll rev up to match you.

It's possible that she won't be able to handle the new you. It's possible that once you stop pandering to her and letting her push you around, she won't want to be with you any more. If so, then thank her for the good times you shared, kiss her a fond goodbye and start looking for someone who can. But if you can handle being the leader of your pack, earning her respect and owning her as your consort through sheer force of personality, then I believe it can work, and more than that, I believe it can be the most rewarding relationship you can have. So far it's working for me.TatteredKnight

So, I assume I made right thing telling her to leave.

But what comes next? How should she earn the way back to me?

Ignore her. If you have to have contact because of your child, keep it short with her. No kissing , sex or anything. Totally indifferent. If she wonders why you are acting this way, just tell her your moving on.

You need to make her feel your are desirable and a challenge again. The only way to do that is reject her. Make her want you more that way. If she comes back, only except her back with strict boundries, as per TK's guide.

I suggest you get on with your own life, the best you can. Remember she may not come back at all, even if you do ignore her. If she doesn't than she won't change, nor does she care for you anyway.

Ignore her. You have nothing to loose. If you keep begging, your just playing into her hands and knows she can have you anytime she wants and do what ever she wants. Kicking her out meant nothing to her. She really didn't loose you, she just moved. So why should she change. Your threat was empty. What challenge is that? She will respect you more if you stop begging.

Understand. Be patient!! This might take a few months......

Sounds like your not ready to give up on her. Again, if that is the case. Ignore her.

TK's guide is spot on! My ideal man right there! If he could act that way, his money and appearance would cease to be important as well. I'll save it and forward it to future men.

YumI!

You crack me up.

You couldn't handle a man like that! lol

You will never attract a man like that, if you don't change. If you do attract a man like that, and don't change, he will dump your sorry ass. The type of man, TK describes, doesn't put up with the type of crap you enjoy.

His wife also went to therapy. Would you do that? I think not.

So give up your dreams and stay just the way you are. Relationship to relationship we shall go. One co-dependent to the other. Yippe, what a thrill! What a challenge..wow, what fun. lol Lucky you.

Maybe you are thinking you would like to change, so you can have a man like that? It is the only way, you would be a to keep him.

okherewego wrote:YumI!

You crack me up.

You couldn't handle a man like that! lol

You will never attract a man like that, if you don't change. If you do attract a man like that, and don't change, he will dump your sorry ass. The type of man, TK describes, doesn't put up with the type of crap you enjoy.

His wife also went to therapy. Would you do that? I think not.

So give up your dreams and stay just the way you are. Relationship to relationship we shall go. One co-dependent to the other. Yippe, what a thrill! What a challenge..wow, what fun. lol Lucky you.

Maybe you are thinking you would like to change, so you can have a man like that?

Seriously? You want to take it that far?

Hey Yummy

You like to tell it like it is and so do I. So would the man you desire, as in TK's guide.

If you want to keep such a man or catch such a man, you would have to change. Wouldn't you? Do you want to change to get and keep that man you desire?

Sorry, if you don't want to answer, no big deal. Your choice. Will understand.

okherewego wrote:Hey Yummy

You like to tell it like it is and so do I. So would the man you desire, as in TK's guide.

If you want to keep such a man or catch such a man, you would have to change. Wouldn't you? Do you want to change to get and keep that man you desire?

Sorry, if you don't want to answer, no big deal. Your choice. Will understand.

Yes, I like to tell and hear it as it is. What I don't like is you acting like you know everything about me. You don't.

I see what you're trying to say. Your answer is in the guide itself though. I do make effort to control my own behaviors. I want him to deal with me the way it's described on there is all I meant. I like being playful, nothing I say is every fully serious, which you seem to be taking it all as.

Yumi,

I am not taking what you say seriously. I could see you like to joke around and was giving it back. That's all. So don't take me too serious as well.

Really sounds like to me, you found someone and are trying to watch your behavior. I see that now. Am I close? Is that the reason you are on this forum?

You know, TK's guide is good for every relationship, not just HPD ones. I believe most women want a man that stands up for his convitions. Your smart to see that. Women, I believe want a strong man. It feels safer to them and more predictable and consistant. It adds stabilty and excitement at the same time. No one wants a woosy.

If more were like that on this forum, they wouldn't have put up with the crap they suffered at the hands of thier HPD for so long. Or have such a hard time moving on.

Alot of people on this forum seem to have lost that stength, for what ever reason....... Just my opinion.