Sexually aggressive women...

Friends, certainly...I spent my time peeing myself laughing with her...she the same. I miss that terribly, and all the fun fights we would have. She was on the French Gymnastic junior team as a child and is very strong, can easily put up in a good fun fight.

She would say she felt "well and complete" when I was around and thats where it gets frightening, because i initially felt the same until all the lies unravelled. Therefore, for the sex, that should be easy to answer, but it just isn't! She is the only person I made love with (of the 13 or so i have reached that level of intimacy with during my life..) where I experienced something i would describe as intrauterine, intensly warm and heavenly. I also found her extremely sexy and feline during intimacy which just added to the pleasure. During those moments, there was no selfishness from either of us, it was like being one and it felt wonderful. So, remembering that would make it very frightening for me to have sex with her again. I think i could abstract from it and just enjoy the physical side, but i am not certain of it. I think the decision would be spur of the moment, and i see myself capable of refusing either to protect myself or through lack of feelings. I have not seen her for almost a year, and when I see her again i may feel nothing, not even a desire for a quick roll in the hay... !

Musician

My ex and I started by watching movies together in my home while she had a boyfriend. The second time she came over she put her head on my shoulder, to try to get me to kiss her, and I did try, but she backed off and giggled about it. Later on that night I was busy reassuring her that she was a good person, even though I knew that she had played me, I saw it as harmless back then. Itold her that she had "played me like a fiddle", needless to say she got very angry about that, despite the fact that it was exactly what had happened. Now I know it was all only a play for attention, the attention she had gotten from me, the attention she got from her friends by breaking down in the middle of all of them about how she was a horrible person, just another way to get validation.

They do respect you more when you withstand their advances. Once she had broken up with her boyfriend and we began kissing, I pulled her shirt down because it had been riding up her back from all our movement. She later told me that she liked that I did that, that most guys she had been with would have taken that as an opprtunity to go up her shirt, which I'm sure she would not have objected to.

I think I just realised that I touched on a very important point related to my mega bad and long lasting reaction when I broke off, that reaction having led me to therapy and here. Its that intrauterine experience i mention, the feeling of being so safe, so warm, so special and so loved, of being with the "one". I think learning all that was possibly completely temporary, false and/or acted (her side...) drove me close too madness. When I saw the sad little mound of smoke and ash that the whole relationhip seemed to burn down too, compared to my expectation from it and my efforts to work towards that, I felt horribly angry with myself and with her. I felt she deceived me and that I deceived myself (the many warning flags I choose to ignore...). Now that i know about HP, assuming its her character style, I realise that i was everything to her, but just in that chapter...! Its at least that, the original picture I had looked so ugly. In many ways she was a fine young woman, I just did not know at the time about HP, therefore could not understand her and how best to act and react with her.

Lastly, Apollo writes about being played like a fiddle. I love that expression, and its so appropriate with HP whom can read others like books. My X did not always have my number, but she often did all the same...