How do HPD women generally behave/react towards other women

MissAli wrote:If I was HPD and HPD only, because I am on a slightly different scale here (I vascillate between self-loathing and self love, with no sense of self - fun combo), then I would probably want to commit suicide. There are a lot of strong opinions from Non's about HPD people.

Welcome to my world, Ali. Fun fun. I've got a lot of borderline stuff going on as well, so I get ya. But there I go with my "victim" thing again - feel sorry for me because I'm so depressed. blah blah. Thank God for wellbutrin.

I did want to comment on the behavior towards other women thing. I identify mostly with Alice on this. It's not so much that women "just don't like me" as they just don't seem to have any desire to form any kind of relationship with me. There's something about me that turns them off. On the other hand, as Alice also said, I find men much easier to get along with and they tend to like me more as well. It's strange, really. I've always attributed women's behavior to jealousy - they don't like me because I'm pretty, or some such thing. But I don't think that's the case. I think that's more the delusion than anything else.

I can't understand wanting to "steal someone else's guy." In my opinion, this is an impossible endeavor. I don't think I could ever pull it off. People have pretty strong bonds in relationships, and cheating is a huge taboo in my book, as I think it is in the lives of most normies - or so I assume.

How do I behave / react towards other women? Well, I always seek them out as friends, usually unsuccessfully, and as I've been with women before (I suppose you could call me bisexual, although I haven't been with a woman in years and years), I gravitate towards attractive women, perhaps because I find them desirable physically AND emotionally - it's hard for me to separate these two aspects, as I think it is for a lot of HPD's. Both women and men for me are potential romantic interests in some subconscious way, but women are usually unattainable (i.e. straight or in a relationship) and men I usually have to make a decision about at some point, which often sucks, as I would like to keep them as friends and they generally want more.

I don't consider women "rivals" unless they are hanging out with my boyfriend for extended periods of time (which happened with my narc ex). Even the "other woman" in this most recent romantic situation is not my enemy, although I am crazy jealous of her. I guess I just figure if there's another woman in the picture, the guy will want HER, so why bother? But then again, I don't hang out with a lot of sexually aggressive women. As a writer, most of my acquaintances are rather bookish.

These women many of you have described sound like something out of a reality television show. Maybe they are just really unintelligent HPD's? I hate to be like "I'm smarter than to behave that foolishly," but it seems pretty freaking stupid to me.

I agree. I believe that some of these examples have been extreme cases, and it's completely understandable to me why people would want to turn tail the other way from them, but then again - SOMETHING attracted the person to them in the first place. There are many variables.

I too have a hard time making girlfriends. I have a few, but none that I share all my hopes and dreams and feelings with. I tend to be closer with males because my behavior and MO is more closely aligned with their behavior (loud, boisterous, love sports, try to be down to earth, etc.), but then again - I love wearing my heels, and having my hair colored. So what does that make me in the eyes of all of these posters?

I am not sure that people SHOULD have any sympathy for the people that they've talked about on here, but I can assure you that these people are running around unhappy and scared. The delusions that they suffer from are coping mechanisms, and it's a shame. Something made them that way, and no one stops to think behind the eyes there is a lot of pain. But then again, after all those behaviors, it's probably pretty hard to forgive.

I just hope that I've never been a person that anyone would have to "ease away from" for fear that my "games" would lure them back in. I do not consider myself as having a "supply". I don't have a fan club either. But I have an unwavering need for attention, love, reassurance, self-esteem - and I can't get those intrinsically. It really freaking sucks. Sometimes I wish others knew what it felt like to wake up in my shoes. I would like to see you contain the rage I feel when someone disappoints or upsets me. Because I think I do a pretty darn good job of it. And yeah, I slip sometimes, but so do people who aren't considered BPD or HPD.

I'm no victim, but I'm no saint either. But I don't deserve to be treated less than anyone else. Maybe these people you speak of need a healthy dose of reality from the people "easing" away from them, and they'd go away. No HPD person likes to feel that they're being foolish. That's against prophecy. Maybe the husbands you speak of on here should grow a pair and set some boundaries.

AMP

Ali, you rock n roll! Amen sistah. These do tend to be extreme cases, and I wonder sometimes if some of the nons exaggerate or if I'm like this myself and just don't see it. It's hard to be an impartial judge of my own behavior.

I like that you point out the pain that drives all of this. These are coping mechanisms. These women feel lonely, unloved, unimportant, etc. and they act this way because of that. And congrats for containing that borderline rage. I know what you mean, although mine slips out quite often in passive aggressive ways. I did have a small triumph this morning in not reacting to something on facebook - I'm still friends with the playah vacay romance guy and the "other woman" - mainly to spy on them. I so wanted to go off this morning, but I didn't.

I'll get there - that rage is something though - isn't it? You should have seen me as a teenager. Wowza. At least you learn to contain it a bit with age.

I agree. Completely.

People get on some sort of pedestal and say "Oh, they're HPD? BPD? RUN!" and I'm like, you know what? God FORBID that your future child end up with this, because then you might actually have to do some soul-searching yourself (perfect mom), and put up with some really UGLY things.

I give my family credit. No matter what amount of sh*t I've put them through, they're still there for me. Wish I could say the same for my ex-husband. This is why there are trust issues though. Not every outsider will be there for you forever, so maybe your HPD person decided that YOU were one of THOSE people? And I'm NOT talking about the examples on this particular thread.

I'm CERTAINLY not perfect, although the drive to be is what is behind a lot of my issues/problems. And it's deep-seated. You can't just point it out to someone, and they go, "Ohhhhh, YEAH!!! You're RIGHT!!! Let me change that.... starting.... NOW!" I mean, come on. We're all on medication and in therapy for a reason - because we want to get BETTER. If you're running around acting like the HPD's that these people are talking about, then, well, you're a hurting soul.

And rage is VERY difficult to control. I used to REVEL in telling someone off. With age, as you said, it has certainly faded that luster.

AMP

Hey MissAli...welcome to the HPD forum : just a few comments on your statements:

MissAli wrote: Mine do not revolve around making other women's lives hell, nor do I steal men from others. I have made out with a married man before, but I don't usually set out to steal/one-up another woman. I don't even know his wife.

So since you didn't know his wife, it was ok to make out with him? Don't you think his wife would believe you are trying to steal him away?

MissAli wrote: agree. I believe that some of these examples have been extreme cases, and it's completely understandable to me why people would want to turn tail the other way from them, but then again - SOMETHING attracted the person to them in the first place. There are many variables.

This is true. I agree, but not so sure about the extreme part. I won't go into it, but the disorder is based on extreme behavior.

Missali wrote: I love wearing my heels, and having my hair colored. So what does that make me in the eyes of all of these posters?

That you are hopefully a woman and not a man!

Missali wrote: I am not sure that people SHOULD have any sympathy for the people that they've talked about on here, but I can assure you that these people are running around unhappy and scared. The delusions that they suffer from are coping mechanisms, and it's a shame. Something made them that way, and no one stops to think behind the eyes there is a lot of pain. But then again, after all those behaviors, it's probably pretty hard to forgive.

We do understand your suffering and the root cause of the disorder, but it doesn't excuse inappropiate behavior towards others. However, you are right, the more we understand the disorder, the more forgiving we become.

Missali wrote:I just hope that I've never been a person that anyone would have to "ease away from" for fear that my "games" would lure them back in.

MissAli wrote: . You can't just point it out to someone, and they go, "Ohhhhh, YEAH!!! You're RIGHT!!! Let me change that.... starting.... NOW!"

No, we end our relationships because they were not healthy. Put yourself in the non's shoes. Wouldn't you think a relationship with a disordered person that shows no urge to change would be difficult? Even if the disordered do try to change , as you said , takes great effort and time, thus wouldn't it still be difficult to have a relationship with someone disordered?

MissAli wrote: I'm no victim, but I'm no saint either. But I don't deserve to be treated less than anyone else. Maybe these people you speak of need a healthy dose of reality from the people "easing" away from them, and they'd go away. No HPD person likes to feel that they're being foolish. That's against prophecy. Maybe the husbands you speak of on here should grow a pair and set some boundaries.

MissAli wrote:People get on some sort of pedestal and say "Oh, they're HPD? BPD? RUN!"

Is this the pair you speak of?

You say, you don't want to become a person people don't want to be around. That is the boundries you talk about, that you say we don't have? The reason we don't want to be around you, is because of the below quote. It doesn't mean we think you are any less human, we are just not interested in being with someone that has so many issues, and takes it out on those around them....See below.

Missali wrote: But I have an unwavering need for attention, love, reassurance, self-esteem - and I can't get those intrinsically. It really freaking sucks. Sometimes I wish others knew what it felt like to wake up in my shoes. I would like to see you contain the rage I feel when someone disappoints or upsets me.

Is your rage warranted? Did they really do sometihng to disappointed you or upset you? Did it really warrant your rage?

Well, I hope you too , put yourself in the non's shoes, and don't treat us any less than human either. Hope that makes sense. My opinion anyway....

OK.

Ali
Welcome to Ok's little "bait the hpd/bpd" trip. Ignore him. He's trying to make you angry.

Ok - what is your DEAL. If you want to be a troll, go somewhere else. A psych board is not the place to do it, particularly with so many suicidal people lurking around here. I think Ali's pretty self-aware and certainly doesn't warrant your blatant attack. Borderlines deal with intense rage and you know it. And no, it's not warranted, but a coping mechanism designed to protect the psyche from feeling the pain of abandonment. It happens when we perceive rejection - often in a social setting - like a chat room. Is this an experiment?

Leave her the flip alone.

Sorry Expressive, my comments were in response to hers on a NON thread, regarding Non issues.

I answered some of her question about non's, that she didn't understand. It was not an attack.

You will also note I posted to this thread, from the very beginning. Long before you and Missali. If anyone is a Newbie to it, or troll, it would be MissAli. However, I felt she deserved a response.

You only came to terms lately that you have a disorder. My opinion, you are still in denial and part of the reason you are seeing no progress? Maybe that's why you keep losing friends and don't know why?

If you feel , that my opinions are not accurate, you are more than intitled to your opinion, no different than I am.

The accusations of attack,victim playing and baiting crap are getting a little tiresome! Sorry...

OK-

You are calling me a troll? That's interesting, because I think that I have been quite respectful and open to the things said on this forum. I have not yet called you any names, nor do I think that its appropriate on a mental-health forum.

This does not appear, might I point out, that this is NOT a "non" thread. Please see the Topic.

You can question anything you like about me, but I am not JUST a BPD, and I am NOT just an HPD. I think you need to realize that every person is different, unique, and can be celebrated.

I'm sorry that you SEEM to be really bitter. I'm sorry that you SEEM to be obsessive over people that you cannot control. I'm sorry that you SEEM to be extremely narrow-minded and non-compassionate.

BTW, might I also point out, that YOU are the non that happens to be hanging out, whining, and living on a mental health forum, for some reason? Also, don't you think, that as you've carried on THIS long, that maybe you might want to check out the Obessive Compulisive Forum? I don't see anything wrong with it, but I thought I would make the suggestion, since there might be some posts that could offer you the support and help that you truly need.

Sincerely, and with love,

AMP

Sorry, MissAli, I don't think you are a troll at all and no more than Expressive claimed I was. So no issue there. I was just responding to Expressives accussation. Again, sorry you took it that way.

All the best to you as well.

Ok

Don't you just love sensitive disordered women!! lol aaaaaaagh!

Don't YOU just love sensitive disordered women, Ok? It seems that you are on this forum for a reason, right?

I'm just stating the obvious. Thank you for your apology, and I hope that it wasn't a mockery.

AMP