Who actually has HPD? (janey, scarlett1939, miss meow? …)

wisdom wrote:Take a look at this You Tube – watch her face carefully and note her affect(s). Especially note her inner conflict. This girl is playing both parts….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PugKA4546VE

Interesting information on HPD.

The woman in the video with HPD is brave making online videos exposing her vulnerabilities.
I've watched some of her other videos too, for more insight into how people with HPD present.

Have a look at this one, where she talks about the type of men she likes- a man with money who will take care of her- http://www.youtube.com/user/alexthelati ... AjamXJdEE0
watch the dramatics as she talks, she seems very animated, lively. Is that how most HPDs are?

Masquerade

The more I'm a "blank slate" the better you will be able to experience transference. That may be exceptionally helpful to you to gain insight into yourself.

I have a BA in psychology, and a masters degree / full career in a totally different area. In the past I've undergone counseling myself (about 20 sessions - for personal happiness, integration, and general enrichment) and have been a pro bono support group moderator for divorced/separated people in the "trauma" phase of breaking up – from ground zero to about 12 months later when they can much better function. Running those sessions and experiencing those people's lives first hand was exceptionally enlightening. In fact, the entire psychic healing process is really quite something to witness!

Over the past few years I have read extensively in the professional psychology literature in the areas of: intimate relationships, narcissism, histrionic personality disorder, love, evolutionary psychology, sexuality, perception, with a sampling of select current neuro/cognitive psychology topics. I've charted my own course though these subjects, and proceeded in my own direction, as I saw fit at the time. I chased down 1000's of references and built my "web" of knowledge based on what seemed most productive to me at the time. I tend to be very eclectic and fairly creative. I like to probe. You can always search on my user ID here to see more of what I've found.

I do not hold myself out as an expert whatsoever. I totally lack the broad prospective most therapists would be forced endure at school. I therefore can be missing huge areas I've never had any exposure in. On the contrary, I've focused like a laser on just the knowledge that seemed compelling to me, then drilled to the very depths of that. I also try to network with other experts to short circuit getting to "the good stuff." And some of my contacts have very broad backgrounds. HPD and NPD are very compelling areas. They touch on moral areas and I also garner much from religion.

I'm a seeker of knowledge and perhaps wisdom. Along the way I'm happy to share anything I've learned that might be helpful to others. I have incredible compassion for these disorders and know they are debilitating. Eventually however, I have faith they can be reduced and eradicated.

Again my advice, keep me handy as a blank slate. What you later see written on that slate reflected back to you will be from your own hand (mind)... That can be very enlightening to you.

Keep journaling your emotions and mental states. Probe. Seek. You will find.

l am going to use this forum as my journal - the not so important stuff that might identify me is going to be left out, things like where l live etc. l wont add any more about my work or family unless it is connceted with my thoughts and feelings. lt would be simply awful for me if anyone l knew read this and recognised me. (A small problem l have is making this message box big enough to fit everything in. How do l do it?)
I must have learnt as l grew up to think the way l do and l am going to try to train myself to think in different ways and it wont be easy. l started doing that tonight and l am rather pleased with myself. l have just come back from a date that was absolutely terrible. He seemed ok on the dating site but as soon as l met him he struck me as a real narcisisst. He was absolutely gorgeous and sophisticated and successful but terribly cold and distant and hard to talk to. He was rude within 5 minutes of meeting me and actually said that although l am well spoken he didnt think l would go far in life as l dont have a university degree! Actually l own two beauty businesses and they are quite successful. l found myself having to justify myself and immediately felt as if he was trying to be superior. That set the tone for the rest of the evening. He conveniently forgot his wallet and l had to pay for our meal and drinks. We then went on to a pub and he ignored me and watched the football all night. (In a relationship that would be ok but this was a first date and it was very rude) l wanted to go home but l was too polite to say so. l had no more cash with me and had to walk a mile home alone in the dark.
Why then am l pleased with myself? Ok, l wasnt assertive enough to tell this '**** to get lost - but l was clever enough to see through him as soon as l met him and to realise l deserved better treatment. ln the past l wouldnt have been so aware and would even have seen him again simply because of his looks and job. l wrote off tonight as experience and learnt a little lesson. We all deserve to be treated well. l began to think about the ways l have treated men in the past. l may be polite but there are many ways to treat a man badly. This man didnt seem to see me as a person and because we had no chemistry he thought he could simply be rude and obnoxious and inconsiderate and selfish.

Another thing l realised was that l am terribly polite and eager to make a good impression and that maybe people simply dont deserve my politeness if they are rude and inconsiderate themselves. l was brought up to be polite but maybe that is partly what caused me to have H.P.D. traits. l always want people to see me as being nice and pleasant and l change myself to fit in with the people l am with. l feel a bit sad now because l dont know who the real me is. l feel like l am a plastic Stepford wife.

They say we should love ourselves but how can l love myself if l dont know who l am? l think if l am pleasing and pleasant and funny and charming l wil be loveable and l try to be this way all the time. l put on my make up and groom myself and its a mask and l dont know who lives under the mask. l think some men just want me to make themselves look good but they dont want me for me.

l have just read through my posts and something else jumps out. l cant go into depth in them. My writing style looks very shallow and superficial. l can see it when l read it.The spelling is ok and the punctuation and the context too but its basic and doesnt say what l want it to say. l am not a stupid person. l once did an IQ test and it was well above average. I learn very quickly but my writing style is shallow.

l think l talk and express myself the same way that l write. l cant talk or write about feelings easily and l think my feelings are dead. l am so scared.

masquerade wrote:A small problem I have is making this message box big enough to fit everything in. How do I do it?

The box is very "expandable" just keep typing. Also see the scroll bar to your right (when you are in writing/editing mode).

This is a long post but its 90% verbatim quotes from you. Use this to Think and Reflect, then journal!

Quickie review
Here are the two things to “fight” off
The entitlement/self-centeredness schema refers to a core set of beliefs that one is entitled to take or receive whatever is wanted irrespective of the cost to others or society
(Sperry, p 153)

The essential feature of this schema is the belief that one is entitled to whatever one wants irrespective to the cost to others or of what might be regarded as unreasonable. This Schema is likely to develop in the context of parents who overindulge or who do not encourage the child to develop self-responsibility. Alternatively, this schema can develop as a compensation for feelings of deprivation, social undesirability, or defectiveness. Subsequently, individuals who develop this schema tend to be self-centered and have an exaggerated view of themselves and their rights. They also tend to have significant empathic deficits and tend to treat others carelessly.
(Sperry, p 31)

“I’m interesting and exciting”
“Intuition and feeling are more important than rational planning”
“If I’m entertaining others won’t notice my weaknesses”
and, particularly,
“To be happy I need other people to pay attention to me”
(Sperry, p 155 citing Beck, Freeman & Associates, 1990)

and

The emotional deprivation schema refers to the core set of beliefs that one’s need for nurturance and emotional support will never be met by others
(Sperry, p 153 which refers to Bricker, Young & Flanagan, 1993 and Young, 1994)

The essential feature of this schema involves the core belief that one’s desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be met by others. Individuals who have internalized this schema tend to be deprived of nurturance, protection or empathy. Deprivation of nurturance involves an absence of attention, affection, and warmth from others. Absence of strength, direction, or guidance from significant others leads to deprivation of protection. In the absence of understanding, listening, self-disclosure, or mutual sharing of feelings and experiences with others, these individuals experience deprivation of empathy. These individuals have usually experienced some emotional neglect in early childhood. They may present as cold, demanding, or withholding, and tend to choose significant others who are unwilling or unable to provide emotional support. [wow, that last phrase about the mates doesn’t sound like the typical Non here…] (Sperry, p 27)

“I’ll never get enough love and attention”
“I’m only capable of having superficial relationships”
(Sperry, p 155 citing Young 1994)

Work / Beauty Salon

masquerade wrote:I own two beauty businesses and they are quite successful.
no money worries
don’t enjoy it any more
want to be an art teacher

Although this isn't your first love, it sounds like it's working well for you. Why not take some satisfaction in that? Use this to prove to yourself that you are smart, capable, people oriented, good manager, good with customers - all these are tricky interpersonal relationship areas. You have solid intellect and people skills. All your complaints are in one area only...men (more below)

Kids

masquerade wrote:two children
both darlings
They have

a lovely home in a beautiful neighborhood
piano lessons and other activities
a good education.

They are not spoilt
They know that they can’t have everything they want or their own way.
[tell that to yourself too...]
I try to be a good mother but
I am scared that it could be that I cant see the wood for the trees and I am in some way passing on H.P.D values to them.
I am afraid that on some level I might be passing attitudes and faulty values on to them.
[see below, and ask, were good values passed on to you? If not, how are you going to be different - specifically, and in significant detail...]

Son

masquerade wrote:Boy - a bit of a handful as he has ADHD and takes Ritalin.

Sounds like more than a handful. Don't be afraid to feel some anger, be upset, less than charming. Have some soul...

Daughter

masquerade wrote:My daughter hit the nail on the head when she said that some of the kids at school had called our family the Walton’s and I wondered if we really came across that way - always perfect and happy and idyllic and sweet. My sister said it would be more normal if we screamed and acted out sometimes.

I get sort of a bad vibe here and will just "test it"? Do you rely on your daughter for serious emotional support? If so please stop! As they say in Boy Scouts - a full weight adult backpack for an adult, but a reduced size, lighter weight, backpack -- appropriate for the age and physical development -- tuned to the scout who will be asked to carry it.

Keep adult vs. child boundaries. Adult emo issues are for full adults only. BF trouble? Daddy trouble? Men in general trouble? Keep your head together in front of your daughter. You are to carry her "larger than life" emo issues - not the other way around. Read Alice Miller if you need more.


HPD like quotes

masquerade wrote:If I am not in a relationship I am obsessed with how attractive I am, and what people think of me, and how I look or sound.
…worried all the time about what people think of me, always having to wear make up, even just to go to the shop
All I think of is how I look or appear to other people.
I want to be a magnetic person who everyone looks at and listens to
I have always worked in the beauty industry and spend lots of money on cosmetics
Even when I was six I would sing when I was out anywhere just in case someone like a movie director was watching.
I used to dance for visitors at home and loved too show off.
I have to have a big personality because it distracts people from the fact that I am not as important as I like them to think
Some people don’t like me because I love attention and I wind them up on purpose but I don’t always know how that makes them feel when I do it.
I hate myself, and I think I’m worthless deep inside, so I put on an act.

All worth pondering.

masquerade wrote:I will also go to a bookstore and find some proper books on psychology to see if I can get some more information from them. Anyone know of any worth reading with lots of information? I want to learn all I can about the disorder because then I will have more of an idea if I have it.

The quest for knowledge (and lots of detail on that) is actually very not HPD like at all - very good! Still, pulling the pedals off daisies a bit? (I have it, I have it not, I have it, I have it not....)...just a question, not a value judgment.

Self

masquerade wrote:I was brought up to be polite…
I am quite a decent person with empathy and a conscience
can be quite a softy with people
fall for hard luck stories
don't like confrontations or arguments.

I think I might have put blockages up. I think I have learned to be cheerful and optimistic and good humored and sometimes I think it can’t be normal to constantly feel that way

[sister] said we are all [my immediate family] too nice and I am too hung up on appearances. I like to be pleasing to people and it is the only way I really know how to be.

I feel as if I am programmed in a different way to people somehow and I can sense it and feel it

I try to compensate and be what people want me to be. I am very good at working that one out.
[figuring out what other people want and just “morphing” my “mask” to project that]
It’s like empathy but in reverse in a way.
[Like gravity and anti-gravity, empathy and anti-empathy?]

I am terribly polite and eager to make a good impression
maybe people simply don’t deserve my politeness, if they are rude and inconsiderate
[are you splitting off and projecting your own "rude and inconsiderate" on to them? Are you being "falsely polite" with them when you could just be honest and direct?]
I always want people to see me as being nice and pleasant and I change myself to fit in with the people I am with.
[Is there anything "rude and inconsiderate" about falsely doing that? ]

I don’t know who the real me is.
I feel like I am a plastic Stepford wife.
[I Love this thought. Actually, it's a very "deep", "reflective" thought, as plastic as it may sound on the surface...]

I think if I am pleasing and pleasant and funny and charming I will be loveable and I try to be this way all the time.

Sister

masquerade wrote:Says I am trying to make everything too perfect for [my kids]
Maybe I am, but that is just my parenting style.
said it would be more normal if we [immediate family] screamed and acted out sometimes.
She said we are all [immediate family] too nice
[Said] I am too hung up on appearances.

Ruminations
(sit with these and ponder them for a bit...reflect....)

masquerade wrote:I am probably better off on my own
I don't want to die a lonely old woman
The only other alternative if I don’t get treatment is to be single forever and therefore lonely
I am so afraid of that

please don’t be all angry with me
I don’t want anyone to judge me
[Dig deep here. Who is "saying" this to you? (perhaps past parent who was at times angry, a judge, made a big value judgments when you didn't conform to her/his values, was controlling yet at times you just didn't past the test? This might be some "transference" here - by all means explore!]

I am not clever enough to study because that is what my teachers and husbands always said
[You have used the term clever several times in both good and bad contexts. Is clever good or bad? When have you been clever and it was good? Bad? Is clever close to manipulative/exploitive?]

All my friends are attractive and I get really jealous of one of them and we sort of try to outdo each other.
[This is really good! In your mind try to construct the perfect, highly attractive female - one that you would be absolutely seething green with jealously over. Try to picture her fully - describe her in vivid, exacting detail. Also describe exactly how you feel, don't suppress, just write. What exactly does she have that you would like for yourself? Journal as much detail, depth and feeling as possible. Never let a jealous thought for another female in charming/attractive mode go un probed inside you to its very depth!]

I want to change, I really do, but would have to move away and make new friends who are not like me, and maybe even get out of the beauty industry

Mom

masquerade wrote:funny and dramatic
cheerful
larger than life
so beautiful inside and out.
We were so close and so alike
always bought me lovely clothes
made sure I had a lovely bedroom
always laughing and happy
As well as being an art teacher she taught dance and drama and was so talented.
Had lots of friends
put us kids first at all times.
I think my mother had an affair
Apart from that [affair, arguments with dad] she didn’t have an enemy in the world.
Maybe she had histrionic personality disorder
she wasn’t nasty in any way.
always looked lovely and well turned out
she taught me to be the same [look lovely and be well turned out]
I cant remember details
it was a happy time.
taught me good manners and to be polite at all times
said it was important to be charming.
it is easier to be cheerful and happy
nobody wants to be around a miserable person
I would much rather smile and be happy it feels much nicer

Plenty to ponder about Mom. Just read through the list and reflect back, was it all great? Was mom pretty strong in the "charming" department? What was modeled for me at home?

Dad

masquerade wrote:very generous

Dad is sort of noticeable by his near absence here. What were his dreams, aspirations, values? What really made him happy? Were you close? What did he want for you? What type of guy was he when he was with his closest male friends? How about when around "charming, very well turned out" females?

Both Parents

masquerade wrote:Art teachers
Lovely and kind
I remember a lot of arguments between my parents

Omg! That sounds just like my parents used to be [Some other post was talking about a gals parents “overprotective…daughter never has to take responsibility for her action. When she does something wrong she goes home to her mommy and daddy and they protect her. … she played victim role. …her parents are also control freaks… must tell where she is going even though she is 23, and when she will be back… must tell them when she has period which means they want to know if she is pregnant.]
They wouldn’t let me take responsibility for anything.
I thought they were adorable
[Sounds always like being "adorable" was a strong family value?]

X

masquerade wrote:I do miss my ex hubby
a real love
was and is an absolute darling
[pour out some of your feelings, good and bad for the guy. What worked? In his mind, in his words exactly if you can recall, what behaviors did you exhibit that caused friction in his mind. (Show real empathy "talent" here - i.e. not from your prospective at all, only from his prospective, as best you know it? What parts of you were a challenge for him?]
helps me to take care of our son (who is “a handful as he has ADHD and takes Ritalin”)
[reuniting] would never work out as I would just end up repeating the old patterns and hurting him and myself again.
[worth it to describe in some detail, with plenty of feeling "the old patterns" - how you hurt him, how you hurt yourself...]

Men

masquerade wrote:I want everyone to love me, but they wont if I am bad, with a serious disorder like this one.
The men I am attracted to seem to be unreliable and the steady and dependable ones bore me.
I need someone to love me, but I just get bored and then look for someone else.
I am always looking for that something that is out of reach and elusive
I don’t even know what it is that I am looking for.
I am looking for the right man who will be (fun and exciting) and (reliable and caring)
[I added the (). From what you know, and have learned from looking at HPD in detail, would there likely be a pool of men out there who can make someone else (with HPD) experience internally electric fun and excitement, while simultaneously evoking feelings of being extreemly cared for and protected? Which end is the problem actually on here? The inherently conflicting HPD demands for feelings somehow evoked by her mate and strongly felt in herself vs what the pool of available great men out there can realistically deliver across the chasm between them and their intimate partner?]
I am looking for the right man who will accept me just as I am
[Effortless? Even when you at some level, at some times greatly dislike yourself, act out, get bored, find desparatly needed attention and excitement outside your pair bond? All this while he remains rock solid, "reliable and caring" ... Does this all make sense?]
I don’t want my children to grow up with faulty values so I don’t let then meet my dates
[How do the kids react to your various dates when they eventually do meet them? Do a deep dive on any shame you experience for your behavior with men that gets evoked when you think of your innocent children witnessing it. There will likely be some very valuable input here! ]
We all deserve to be treated well. [An inalienable right to be treated well?]
I began to think about the ways I have treated men in the past. I may be polite but there are many ways to treat a man badly.
[Enumerate in substantial detail all the ways an attractive, charming woman can treat a man badly... This will be very, very helpful going forward with future dates and other male relations!]

masquerade wrote:When it comes to relationships I’m a different person
I cheat on men
I use men if they are useful to me
I can be anyone they want me to be.
I don’t really have much of a conscience with them.
It is as if I am a sociopath or something similar in that single area of my life

Wow, that is most courageous for anyone with HPD to say! Acceptance is the first step to recovery. Congratulations on seeing the light here. You can bet every Non on this forum is on his feet giving you a standing ovation. Take a bow and remember that humans, when they are at their very best, forgive. You can get to a better place, just by continuing to work at what you have already started. "Begun is half done!"

Recent Date

masquerade wrote:I wanted to go home but I was too polite to say so.
I was clever enough to see through him as soon as I met him and to realize I deserved better treatment
[Clever here is good...]
This man didn’t seem to see me as a person and because we had no chemistry he thought he could simply be rude and obnoxious and inconsiderate and selfish.
[As you work through some of this HPD forum and the professional material guard yourself against projecting. Any time you are ready to judge others, judge yourself first - have you ever been rude/obnoxious/inconsiderate/ selfish to a male? How do you feel about that now? Do you like it when you see it in others? Did you want to be forgiven for your prior bad behavior? Are you able to forgive others for theirs? (without being a door mat of course!)]

Journal/Writing

masquerade wrote:I once did an IQ test and it was well above average.
I learn very quickly
[vs]
My writing style is shallow.
I cant talk or write about feelings easily
I can’t think of certain words sometimes to express myself
I know that I can be shallow in my explanations of things and that I can’t go into details very easily
I can’t connect to the feelings
I feel a sort of surface emotion of happiness.
I can be shallow in my explanations of things
I can’t go into details very easily
I put on my make up and groom myself…it’s a mask and I don’t know who lives under the mask.
I started on the journal but it was difficult to really put down on paper how I felt.
I talk and express myself the same way that I write. [Not too deep? Well, that's all about to change!]

Wrong, wrong, wrong. You write here very well! What you have done already is a great start. The trick is to keep pouring it all out. Hook right up to the underlying feelings then drag those out too. Express yourself.

There is ample raw material here to start to evoke feelings. Some may be intense as you get into it, but don't let that be a deterrent. Its exactly where you want to go.

I'd encourage you to go over this a few times. Read it once to recognize it as "yes, that's exactly what I said". Then re-read and reflect, ruminate, etc. Take an another look deeply at the content. Feel deeply and journal away.

You might also go over the prior posts and give those exercises a chance to work too. Learn a lot about HPD but don't over "intellectualize" about it - apply it to your exact unique situation.

Edited for privacy reasons

Masquerade wrote:feeling officially mad = very good!
panic attack = very very good!
Nightmares about child hood (...knocking on the door of your house and no one will let you in) = outstanding!

Denial, repression, disassociation, etc - all very real things, especially when the lid comes off - expect it all to be mad crazy! This is all great!!! It may be like heavy morphine withdrawal. Have you seen the Exorcist? Expect your head to spin around several times, green vomit to come up, very, very strange feelings, lots of strong emotion... all that is really really good!

Masquerade, you are a strong confident woman - you gave birth to your kids, that undoubtedly had its challenges, you run a salon business, deal with your kids needs, manage it all. You are smart and attractive, so you have all that it takes to navigate through this. Missing your mom and just wanting to be held by her is a totally natural reaction. (go ahead, take a break and just feel that! Just remember the good parts of her are always with you. ) You are walking through a storm, the valley, etc. just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move as best you can forward, slowly and carefully, through it.

You are much further along here than you can possibly imagine! Remember, if you had no feelings inside, if you were cold as an iceberg, felt no remorse for anything you have ever done, felt no reason whatsoever to change, had no empathy whatsoever for others - in that case you would have full blown Antisocial Personality Disorder. THAT would be ultimate hard (if not impossible) to treat. You on the other hand are beginning to fully CONNECT up inside! In reality, your issues are rather mild and your prognosis is outstanding! Just hang in.

Try to develop a list of people you can call in a crisis. People who will give you 10-15 minutes of support if / when you need it. At the top of the list I would think your sister would qualify. Perhaps your x? (however don't act out with him ...) Is there a Contact Hot-line in your city? They usually give 10-15 minutes of solid support over the phone (just about as frequently as you need it, every night if need be.) They can be very helpful. Your psychiatrist will also probably have some good support ideas. One hospital may have psychiatric in-patient facility in your area - if you hit them at the right time with a phone call (after things are "settled" you can often get a psych intern or triage nurse who can be very, very helpful) - all for free, all anonymous.

Try to develop many contacts and spread the support need around a bit. Just ask people for help and then try not to "over use" any one individual. Set a time clock and get off the phone when the 15-20 minutes is up - just go right down your list to the next person if you need more. Try reconnecting with older friends, even back to high school. Offer some support to them because when you really open up to them, you will be amazed they have a few issues of their own...) Your support friends can be very helpful!!!

Don't skimp on the thinking, reflecting and journaling! Make some notes on those dreams - keep the laptop near or a pad and pencil and immediately write down the major elements. Then fill in all the detail.

Journal, journal, journal.

I total hear the good advice of your therapist, and agree - don't worry about conflicting advice. Everyone is unique. My hope would be you get a psychoanalytic psychiatrist with perhaps a decades or more of working with substantial personality disorders. Someone who will perhaps prescribe something appropriate for you, but will really just use that to allow the work to be done more "on your head", and by you! Yes, by all means let that person lead your treatment and ignore most others advice, especially if there are conflicts. However, my advice would be to take direct charge of your own treatment, don't "delegate" the issues to the therapist, cast or maneuver them into "rescue" role. This walk you do on your own two feet! You only get guidance from others. Its like learning to dance, you have to move your own feet.

Hang in!!! Keep feeling, pushing and journaling. Hug those strong feelings and don't run away from them -- look deep inside. What are those feelings telling you? Have a good cry but while you are having that reaction by all means look inside, what is there? What is so very upsetting?

I leave at the crack of dawn to go 4 hrs deep into the woods, then 17 miles from the rural paved road down a jeep trail to some pretty rustic tent camping. Electronics of all types just don't work well there. Be back Sunday.

Hang in there and know you have lots of people cheering you on here!!!

Wisdom wrote: Hang in there and know you have lots of people cheering you on here!!!

Macquerade,

I didn't want to post to your and Wisdoms thread. Plus, I have posted alot lately and don't want look like I am hogging the forum! lol

I think Wisdom is of great help and can provide you with advice much better than I.

I just wanted you to know, as someone that had a relationship with a possible HPD, that what you are doing has touched me. I really think it is great you are taking steps to find out what it is that is troubling you. It is all we ever wanted from our ex's. Your ex is truely a lucky man and good of him to be supportive in this.

I wish my ex could have been so brave. So please be proud of yourself. I am sure many other people on here, that have been effected by those they loved with this disorder, would like to say the same thing.

So please, chin up. We are all behind you 100%. Good for you and I am sure once you go through therapy and find out the true cause of your pain, all will be well. You have so much to look forward too. Keep up the great work. Post all you want to this forum. Most on here will respond in a positive manner and provide you with great support. We are not bitter, just trying to learn about this , like you and to support each other, whether we have the disorder or not.

With kindest regard and with true respect

OKHEREWEGO....


PS..Have to warn you though, no one will put up with BS or access drama. Be you..ok?

Edited for privacy reasons