some perpective from the histrionic forum

Greetings everyone,
She is self centered
She likes to be the center of attention
She is highly critical,quite cruel and insensitive
She does not take criticism well at all
She has ambitions both financially and romantically that are extremely idealized
She has no empathy
She has no emotional depth
She is a pathological liar (only with hard evidence she would change her demeanor)
She is financially exploitative
She valued me then devalued me

4 year relation... only a year and a half in the same geography



One month (March 2010) I was the love of her life... everything she needed and felt fulfilled by.
The Next month (April 2010) Claimed that our relationship had run it's course, she held no ill will but was looking for other horizons and wish me luck.

Before that, in January 2010 she told me she didn't love me anymore, in front of her mother none the less, and returned my engagement ring... only to come back after St. Valentines day and yes she spent that day or weekend with another supply.

Trouble is: she has done this 4 times in the past year and a half... between 2 supplies... Myself and another man (who I happen to know as we went to the same school for 10 years, he was also and was the idiot of the class) and lives in another country all together.

Trouble is: I'm hurting... she was my first love when I was a teenager(14, 15) only to reconnect with her 24 years later and become a supply again. Back then she left me then for another supply whom she dumped rapidly... and only tried to come back when I ignored her. The teenage episode obviously makes sense to me now!!! She is not even that great looking anymore... but in my eyes, I mean she was my first love, she still is that girl I fell for. It took me years to get over her...Sorry for the drama!!

Trouble is: I'm quite accomplished professionally, the other guy is not... just average guy... I'm considered better looking than him or so I've been told, as I'm an athletic 5'9". Yet the other guy is a fat 6"1 slob and not so good looking to put it mildly.

Her family loves me yet they don't even know about the other guy... she's kept the other guy a secret! until I confronted her in front of her mother (who loves me like a son) and about the possibility of her being sick.

I know that to do so was pure heresy, in a narcissists eyes anyway.

Trouble is: I'm still in love with her, I guess I might be traumatized by the whole ordeal... she crushed my self esteem. To the point that I'm depressed. I forgot to mention I moved to back to the country in which she lives. Believing we were going to get married.

I noticed when in devaluation cycle, she grows colder and distant, she invites or somehow forces a confrontation in order to abandon me and go to the other supply. It seems so surreal... I'm hurting, but for my life why does she keep going back and forth... why? I don't understand... she seems so real and caring when she wants back and at the same time is so god awful when she leaves. I think of her as a monster of sorts. I feel so stupid for letting her back in... I guess i must have some co-dependent issues.

Yes she is back with him gain only after 3 weeks of our last break up... I suspect she was already talking again with him since I noticed a call on her phone from him on April 7th... yet she waited until her mom came back from a trip the following day to go on breakup mode.

I guess although I'm not sure that at some point she'll be back again... but why??? I even wrote an apology letter telling her that I was wrong and out of line for implying that she was sick... Her mother is in complete denial, even though she loves me and knows that I'm a very honest person. I understand it's her mother.

yet her mother doesn't know what to make of it... I no longer want to marry her, that much is clear to me. Yet I'm so in love with her its just harrowing.

A part of me wants her back... and not end with this guy... who is plain and simple a moron!!! But then again who I'm I to pass judgment.

She did not started exhibiting this symptoms until after 2 years of being into the relation... and yes the symptoms coincided and became apparent once I was back to our native country.

I've been NC for a month now... her cycles typically last between a month and a half to 2 months..

I'm I crazy?... I know my writing is probably a good sign of how I'm all over the place mentally I feel like this is an unusual case perhaps? is she a Pathological NPD or an NPD at all? Will she come back yet again???

I'm very distraught and both mentally as well as emotionally exhausted!!! Can anyone please help me? or give me some perspective...

Thank you in advance

Read all the old post here.............You'll find that many of us have the same story.

My HPD/NPD was my first love too..............but I would never take her back.

I was her doormat long enough.

We all deserve better than to be someone's doormat.

Enrique,
Didn't you already post this in the NPD forum about a month ago?
I'm pretty sure I remember reading this, word for word, from the NPD forum.

Lifesong,

You are right I did repost my original post in the Histrionic forum... due to the nature of " first loves" coming back to old stomping grounds (which seems to happen a lot here in the HPD forum)... There seems to be more guys who have gone through the hands of either NPD/HPDs here.

It was not my intention to create confusion or clutter... I'm going to therapy, I'm doing NC... Just wanted to compare notes...

with regard to my second posting... she does keep stalking me at work, the second posting is an entirely new episode... needless t say it's very troubling to me.

Take Care,
E

Enrique1972 wrote:Lifesong,
You are right I did repost my original post in the Histrionic forum... due to the nature of " first loves" coming back to old stomping grounds (which seems to happen a lot here in the HPD forum)... There seems to be more guys who have gone through the hands of either NPD/HPDs here.
It was not my intention to create confusion or clutter... I'm going to therapy, I'm doing NC... Just wanted to compare notes...
with regard to my second posting... she does keep stalking me at work, the second posting is an entirely new episode... needless t say it's very troubling to me.
Take Care,
E

Whether the woman you were with is narcissistic, histrionic, or just a bad woman, there are more men who have been hurt who post in the HPD forum and you'll probably find more understanding here if just for that reason alone.
I'm glad to hear that you're going to go to therapy - I think it will help you to detach and get free from the pain of this connection.
Lifesong

Question: in between all this heartache and pain, have you ever given yourself the opportunity to find happiness with another woman? or are you constantly allowing yourself to be tortured by memories and what ifs?

I know it's hard to 'open' the heart up when it's distracted by another, but the mind is a powerful companion to the heart. The trick is dedicating yourself to another direction and walking that way long enough to get the point where wanting someone feels like less a matter of lessening the pain, and more a case of them being an 'option'. Have you allowed yourself to truly entertain other 'options', or are you living as a virtual slave to this girl and the drastic situation she presents?

Trust me, it's hard as hell, but my recommendation is to give yourself a damn break from this. A real break. The way you described things: you'll once again have the opportunity to continue things with her again in the future if you're game to go back. So: what happens between now and then? are you going to sit around and hurt while she comforts herself w/ another 'source' and therefor never really grows as a person? or are you going to try and give yourself a shot at happiness without her? Recognize that you have been trapped in a cycle. It's time you broke out from that eh. Give yourself that at least. The way things go w/ an HPD - you'll have another opportunity to revisit this if you want - but for now, do yourself a favor and work on living for yourself for a while.

Hi all. Just a brief visit for me, just passing through and cant stop to chat, but Rhodes is right.