No Contact, question.

by **madsad** » Sun May 16, 2010 2:12 pm

Hi,

I have decided on NC a week ago, after several discussions with my therapist and at a time where things were getting warmer with my ex, to the point that it could be assumed that she was considering getting back together. I felt at peace with that situation, at least I wouldnt go NC with anger, she could never assume that I had done it out of bitterness (I know, I know...I shouldnt care about her feelings when going NC). However, my mind drifts now and then to whether this approach might make her want to come back and while I know that I want my life back (totally put on a hiatus during the whole relationship) and realized she is toxic, I also feel I might have secretely hoped that would be the case. With that in my mind, is NC bound to fail? ie: will I eventually break it? Also, I read everywhere that HPDs will always try to initiate the contact eventually...if she doesnt, would that mean she is not HPD (in which case, I made a mistake, the only reason I want out is because I think she is and know there is no hope ever of a healthy relationship). Thanks for the feedback.

Well, I know that 3rd party diagnosis are a delicate matter but my brother is a shrink and has met my x several times and based on what he saw and the way she handled our relationship and the breakup he is pretty convinced that she is a txt book HPd with some NPD traits thrown in. But you are right, at the end of the day, what matters is that she never genuinely cared about me or suported me in tougher times. Any act of kindness or generosity was ultimately to give her an ego boost ( Am I the best gf you ever had, is that the best sex you ever had, when I told my friends what I got you for your bday they thought I was the most thoughtful person ever)...I dont want to be the fallback guy either, especially that I know she has some others as backup. I am starting my second week of no contact, its sometimes tough but the feeling of relief of not having to wait for her every move, not having to analyze each of her action is helping a lot. How long will I last is another matter, times will tell.

by **sofrance1** » Wed May 19, 2010 12:24 pm

Stop being so pathetic. Just don't contact her. Not hard.

by **madsad** » Wed May 19, 2010 1:49 pm

You know what Sofrance? I do not like you, period. Now that you got your fix (my attention) go and torture someone and buzz off.

by **sofrance1** » Wed May 19, 2010 1:53 pm

Luckily I couldn't give a sh*t what you think, you weak, pathetic little man. No wonder people walk all over you.

by **WINMH** » Thu May 20, 2010 12:44 am

I have said this before Sofrance, but you sound so much like my X it makes my skin crawl. How DARE you say NC isn't hard - that's what HPD's just don't understand isn't it? Just assume everyone else is as cold and callous as you are - oh and don't tell me, he'll be stalking and harassing her next - are those the first two words an HPD learns as a baby? just wondered.
It is very sad you will never know what it's like to actually care for somebody and have that caring reciprocated. It wasn't 'people' walking all over 'madsad', it was a nasty, uncaring, disordered nightmare that he unfortunately got involved with.
You don't give a sh*t about anyone or anything unless it's for your own selfish, self centred benefit do you?

by **madsad** » Thu May 20, 2010 8:25 am

Thanks WINMH, I was going to ignore Sofrance, considering her condition. If weakness leads to an inability to hurt those who love us then I am weak and intend to remain this way. However, my x never walked all over me, she simply enjoyed all the love and attention I was willing to give, I would have done the same with a non HPD, it's what normal people do. The difference is that my x because of her disorder was only able to enjoy them on a very shallow level. I wish her no harm, I am well on the way to get over this adventure while she will for ever suffer from these roller coaster of elation and depression.

by **sofrance1** » Fri May 21, 2010 7:28 am

You were going to ignore me "considering my condition"???? Firstly, its not a "condition", its a personality disorder. Secondly, so you are on a discussion forum about HPD but you really don't want any discussion or input from someone with HPD?? Really you are on here to get some sympathy and everyone rub your back and tell you what a brave soldier you are and what an awful monster that nasty woman was. Ooooh and lets label her with a personality disorder to show just how nasty she really was and how dreadfully I have suffered.

"If weakness leads to an inability to hurt those who love us then I am weak and intend to remain this way."

My God, I really do detect the smell of burning martyr. Grow up, wise up and stop being so pathetic. Your posts have PATHETIC running through them to the core. If you stop being so pathetic women might actually respect you instead of pity you.

by **sofrance1** » Fri May 21, 2010 7:31 am

And "how dare you say NC isn't hard"????? I dare say it because IT ISN'T HARD. Watching your child die of cancer, that is hard. Watching a friend lose their mind to dimentia, that is hard. NOT PICKING UP THE PHONE TO SOMEONE YOU SUPPOSEDLY DON'T WANT TO BE WITH, THAT IS EASY.

No Contact, question.

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