Just got diagnosed, now what

I just got diagnosed with HP, last week and haven't started therapy yet. I'm wondering what I can do by myself. Some things fell into place:

Attention. I talk a lot and sometimes too much. I have a lot of stories to tell about places I've been too and silly things I've done. Approval. Mostly of my partner. (We've broken up). I must've been hard on him. I cried a lot and really wanted proof of his love. I would've like a 'big gesture'.
Medical attention: I've lived abroad for a long time and liked all the shots etc. that I had to get. I thought it was really interesting. I never asked, but would've like a big band aid while donating blood.. I know this is rediculous...
I like theater and acting.
Sometimes I show off. I speak an Asian language fluently and sometimes call up a friend in public just to show off that I speak that foreign language. (Now that I'm aware of this abnormaly I haven't done that anymore).

However:
I've never cheated on a spouse.
I don't think I've tried to seduce someone when in a relationship.
I don't make up stories
I don't get angry (basically I don't blow up)

I see that I have a lot of healing to do. Grew up (partially) in an orphanage after continuously being told I was worthless and nothing would come of me. A tough one was when I heard that my father's side of the family knew of the abuse but never did anything. I'm thinking of the 2 people whome I admire most, they are modest people, don't have a higher education etc. but are just nice sweet people who always help other peole. I'm thinking that I might try to be more like them and maybe from Buddhism I can learn to have a smaller ego?

While reading this board I've noticed that pthere are some people here who are really hurt by others. I wish you all the best!

Hi, welcome to the board and congratulations on taking the first important step!

Being relatively new here myself (and still learning more and more about HPD every day), I'm afraid I can't offer you much for advice but I'm sure others may have some.

What I would say is that the best thing you can do by yourself is stick with the treatment no matter how difficult it gets for you. It WILL get easier and it will help you. Outside of that, I suppose you need to continue focusing on being self-aware. You seem to possess that ability already (which is rare) and that's a good sign.

Just to let you know, I don't believe my HPD cheated either (not physically but the emotional side is up for debate) and she never got angry (tried very hard not to get emotional when she was upset). If I were to ask her, and she replied honestly, she would tell me she's never tried to seduce anyone during a relationship either. However, she has and she's likely unaware that it is seduction. Despite the theme in many posts, I'm certain that not all HPD's are created equal. But the core truth is, whether mild or severe, the disorder profoundly impacts relationships and one's own ability to find real happiness and love.

I wish you the best and look forward to reading any experiences or insight you are willing to share.

Thank you for your reply. And good luck for you too, recovering from your difficult relationship.

I'm planning to stick to the therapy, hopefully I can get the 'right' kind of therapy. I'm trying to be self-aware, which sometimes might be even counterproductive I guess, because it might lead to me being way too selfconsious. Anyway, one thing that I'm going to try is just 'talk less' in class. I tend to discuss things with the teachers and sometimes go too far in that I guess, so I just might LEARN to be more quiet and that might become a habit?

I'm also not dating (after breaking up with my bf 7 months ago). I'm thinking that I don't want to make the same mistakes again and that it's better to have more stability.

Thank you for the kind words. I think I've recovered pretty well and somehow channeled part of that confusion/pain into a (hopefully) healthy obsession for wanting to learn more about this disorder. Then again, I didn't experience a lot of the terribly negative things other people have discussed and I'm convinced she tried to tell/warn me in a variety of ways. Maybe I was fortunate?

If it's not too personal, what prompted you to get diagnosed? As in, what triggered you to think "I could use some help"?

hopefully I can get the 'right' kind of therapy

There are a few different therapies commonly used for treating HPD such as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Insight-oriented psychotherapy. In some cases, the therapist will use a combination of several techniques in an individual and group setting. They key is, regardless of what techniques are used, therapy can only be helpful if you apply yourself to it - regardless of how difficult it is at times.

I'm trying to be self-aware, which sometimes might be even counterproductive I guess, because it might lead to me being way too selfconsious.

I'm not sure if that's a logical concern or not. It sounds more like a defense mechanism since becoming self-conscious means you feel emotions like shame, guilt, embarrassment, etc. which HPD's either lack or hide very, very well. Those emotions reinforce good, healthy, "normal" behavior whereas a lack of it usually results in poor behavior. How much guilt, shame or embarrassment do you feel at the moment when you notice you do something wrong or inappropriate?

I tend to discuss things with the teachers and sometimes go too far in that I guess

I'm kind of curious what "sometimes go too far" means.

I'm also not dating (after breaking up with my bf 7 months ago). I'm thinking that I don't want to make the same mistakes again and that it's better to have more stability.

If you don't mind, I feel compelled to ask this question for my own understanding: You are not dating but what about a "fan club"? (A group of people who regularly give you a supply of validation?) Or are you saying you are able to avoid that compulsion completely? (if so, without depression?)

Hi there,

Thanks for your reply. I'll let your questions sink in and then reply later.
Good to hear that you haven't experienced something really bad.

Then again, I didn't experience a lot of the terribly negative things other people have discussed and I'm convinced she tried to tell/warn me in a variety of ways. Maybe I was fortunate?
Well, good for you that you didn't experience terrible negative things like others have. I don't know if you are an exeption, maybe your partner was a mild case?

If it's not too personal, what prompted you to get diagnosed? As in, what triggered you to think "I could use some help"?
It's okay to ask personal questions. I was feeling really bad (not really fitting in after having lived abroad for a long time) and went to a shrink. She wanted to do some further testing and voila, the diagnosis was made.

How much guilt, shame or embarrassment do you feel at the moment when you notice you do something wrong or inappropriate?
Well... the inappropriate behavior is mostly talking too much. I do notice it, but it is hard to stop. I can't really pinpoint it (what feeling it gives me) but it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't think it's really wrong... I don't hurt people by not sticking to the point do I? And I don't make up things just to get attention.
I'm kind of curious what "sometimes go too far" means.
I guess I'm one of those students who enjoys being critical and likes to show off knowledge. Also, sometimes when I have to answer a question I just talk too long. I do try to just talk less...

You are not dating but what about a "fan club"? (A group of people who regularly give you a supply of validation?) Or are you saying you are able to avoid that compulsion completely? (if so, without depression?)
I guess that I am quite depressed. I haven't really gotten my life back on track (after returning from overseas) and I don't really feel that I have much to offer....a steady life etc. a nice house, a good job... I don't have a fanclub and live quite a quiet life...

By the way, the damn therapy hasn't started yet...

I don't think you have HPD lol...

Why do you think that?

It sounds to me like you have a lot of histrionic traits, but (from your description) you're not that bad a case. You have poor self esteem due to a screwed-up childhood, and you cover for it by talking a lot and being a bit of an attention hog. A lot of people are like that, and while it may be something you want to work on, it's hardly the end of the world and it certainly doesn't make you a bad person.

On the spectrum of HPDs, I'd put you right up at the 'high maintenance girlfriend' end of the scale, not the 'seal in lead-lined barrel and bury under 20 feet of concrete' end.

I don't think it's a 'big ego' issue, quite the opposite - I think once you've spent some time working on your past and building some solid, healthy self-esteem, your need for attention will subside. You'll start to feel that it doesn't matter if other people are focusing on you, because you're a worthy person in your own right. You'll still enjoy being the center of attention, but you won't feel compelled to be there all the time.

Good luck, stick with the counselling, and stay in touch!

Diagnosed wrote:Why do you think that?

Diagnosed wrote:I've never cheated on a spouse.
I don't think I've tried to seduce someone when in a relationship.
I don't make up stories

Because of that.

If you really do fit the HPD diagnosis you must have a mild case I guess. Tell me how many of these fit you:

Constantly seeking reassurance or approval
Excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotion
Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval
Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior
Overly concerned with physical appearance
Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are
Self-centeredness, uncomfortable when not the center of attention
Low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification
Rapidly shifting emotional states that appear shallow to others
Opinions are easily influenced by other people, but difficult to back up with details