Seeking advice on breakup with HPD

Good lord... ..she expects you to pay for those meals? How rude, I guess. There's no way you should pay for them of course. I think you'd need your head examined if you went and paid her. The picture of her is becoming more clear in my head as I read your replies again. She sounds like other girls I have met in my life (ones that I quickly recognised would be problematic and thereafter avoided them like the plague). You have a sensible way of dealing with this dude. You'll do fine in life. I don't think there's much I can add that you don't already know.

Kevin

Thanks Chucky. I cannot tell you how quiet my house is now. There is no chaos. She did buy some things that I asked her to buy and I'll reimburse her for those. But a blank check, not a chance.

I had forgotten that about six months ago she started asking me about HPD. She had just fired her first psychologist and I bet that one told her she had HPD. I downplayed what I told her, made it sound benign because I was really tired and needed to go to sleep. I didn't need an upset HPD keeping me awake lol.

I'm sending her a dozen roses and half a dozen lilies tomorrow....bright pink of course....to her job so she will get lots of attention. The card said I want to remain friends and how wonderful she was to us and I just got distracted with other crises in my life and didn't pay her enough attention blah blah blah. I'm feeding into her HPD crap. It will be interesting to see how she responds. What is your opinion into how she will respond?

Worst case I believe it will keep her calm and keep her from going to the police and accuse me of stalking or some crap. Best case she starts calling and I can keep her at arms length. I believe I know her better than she knows herself.

Sending unwanted gifts...is a form of stalking...don't do it.

She wants nothing to do with you, leave her alone...and try to heal your hurt.

C&H

bambi wrote:I'm sending her a dozen roses and half a dozen lilies tomorrow....bright pink of course....to her job so she will get lots of attention. The card said I want to remain friends and how wonderful she was to us and I just got distracted with other crises in my life and didn't pay her enough attention blah blah blah. I'm feeding into her HPD crap. It will be interesting to see how she responds. What is your opinion into how she will respond?

Why on earth are you doing that? Sending someone flowers (especially a huge bouquet like that) after a breakup is a strong message that you're still interested, and half of the content you're suggesting for the card is basically weasel speak for "I want you back" too. Do you want to stay in a relationship with this woman? If so, then why did you kick her out? If not, why are you sending her mixed messages?

Worst case I believe it will keep her calm and keep her from going to the police and accuse me of stalking or some crap. Best case she starts calling and I can keep her at arms length. I believe I know her better than she knows herself.

You wanted her out of your life because she's a pain in the ass, ties up too much of your time and resources, and you can't trust her. Now she's gone... so leave it that way.

And no, worst case is she comes to your house, offers you some hot sex in exchange for the flowers, headbutts the door and falls down the stairs on the way out, and next thing you know you're in jail for 20+ years for "violent rape". A simple allegation of stalking and a restraining order is on the benign end of things - and even then could cost you your job when she gets a job in the lunch bar across the road from your workplace.

I hear you. I did this because I was real close with her dad who died two years ago. He was a wonderful person to me and his daughter, the HPD, has no family and few friends here.

I saved her text message where she asked me out to supper.....12 hours after she moved out. I ignored it so I don't think she can claim I'm stalking her. My card closes by "remain friends" so I think I'm okay on harassment. If she doesn't respond that is fine. I don't plan on contacting her again. If she wanted to meet in public I might do that but would probably take a witness. And I've read enough posts here to know about false rape claims.

Don't worry, I'm not going to put myself in a position of a false anything claim. I've also had a private detective get me plenty of info this week from her two marriages that would discredit her, one of them a high powered attorney in a national law firm that she cheated on.

Hi Bambi:
I recommend backing out of this relationship silently and with dignity. No flowers and no contact. I don't think a girl with HP is necessarily that vindictive, but i do know that they often have problems making clean cuts. That means she might float in and out of your life when she feels like it or feels she needs, which may not be good, and in fact disruptive for you and your future personal life.

Cheers,
Musician

Musician924 wrote:I recommend backing out of this relationship silently and with dignity. No flowers and no contact. I don't think a girl with HP is necessarily that vindictive, but i do know that they often have problems making clean cuts.

Here here - I agree. As I think about it now, bambi, I imagine that the flowers will not be welcomed by her at all. She more than likely has 'diamonds and pearls' in her eyes instead, and might simply throw the flowers away. I probably mentioned earlier that moving on is the best thing to do, but musician here has just reminded me to say it again... ...move on Even as I think about it now, I can picture the fake smile on the face of my ex (who sounds like the girl you're describing) as I hand her a bouquet of flowers. I know that all she really wants is to rob me blind and then flick me into the trash.

You sound like such a decent guy and you certainly deserve better.

Kevin

Well she called me upset, got the flowers, and wants to meet and talk soon. This should be interesting.

Deleted

bambi wrote:Well she called me upset, got the flowers, and wants to meet and talk soon. This should be interesting.

...and I have already said that I think you're going to meet her. No matter what we say here about moving on, you're going to have to learn from your own mistakes. Sorry, I'm being cynical, but I've been with two girls like the one you've described and being cynical is therefore a given.

Good luck dude,
Kevin