Limerence

asphyx wrote:.. A symptom of limerence is to completely ignore negative traits in a person and accentuate the positive traits.

Good point.

asphyx wrote:Also there is At any point in the process, if reciprocation is perceived, the degree of involvement ceases to rise, until uncertainty returns.

I missed this point when I read the definition. That does give it a different spin, though I also read the Wiki page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence and it has a lot to say on that.

My read still is that limerence is referring to someone that focuses on a single person, and that the limerant is someone who lives in a kind of fantasy world in their head, living for something they don't have. I get the impression they might even prefer that fantasy-mental existence to the reality on some level, as reality is messy, and fantasy in our head can be as pure as we want it to be.

But again it doesn't really seem to match what I've read about HPD. It seems that for the person with HPD, it's that they enjoy (need?) attention from many people, and the more people, the better it makes them feel about themselves. It doesn't really require any more feeling for those people than say, a rock star who gets his ego stroked by many adoring fans, or frequent sex with random admirers.

The difference is if one has HPD and is not a rock star (or other famous person) it requires them to do something to stand out. Say being exceptionally sexual, or the life-of-the-party, dressing proactively, something.

I think it's we NONs who tend to fall first (and maybe hardest) for them, not the other way around. Not saying it can't happen that someone with HPD has limerence for someone, but I don't get the impression they have limerence for ALL of the people they need attention from.

I have been in limerence. It lasted 15 years and the symptoms are only gone because I have cut all ties from him. I met him when I was 15 and saw him on and off until last year and I'm early 30s. Very painful with my over emotions and lack of being able to handle/understand emotion. I always wondered if he were only in my life to inflict misery but in the end I still wouldn't have a clue about myself or my issues if it were not for him. So yes LifeSong it is possible but he did remain just a tad out of grasp at all times while yet still being there. If I would have had the virtue of self love it would never had went on for so long.

I am bumping this thread because, wow, this perfectly describes the feelings I once had for my HPD man. Jeepers. For me, this lasted for several years. People who become involved with HPDs are likely prone to extended bouts of limerence because the beloved's PD traits ensure that doubt and insecurity are always present in the relationship. Of course, limerence makes possible some extraordinarily magical moments, but overall, it was not worth it for me. I've felt this way about two men in my life: one likely HPD and one likely NPD.

I often come across this HPD forum and finally decided to join. I believe my mother has HPD, as well as my therapist, but no official diagnosis.

I have struggled with limerence and still do, unfortunately. I just discovered this term recently. I never had a name for it before, though I knew it wasn't normal.

I am a victim of abuse and rejection from a mother who likely has HPD and a former stepmother with BPD. I was also in a previous toxic relationship with a self-centered guy between the ages of 17 and 22.

I am in therapy and do not have a Cluster B personality disorder. I don't believe limerence is specific to HPD. Early unhealthy relationships and trauma influence the development of it, which can include individuals with HPD. Limerence is also linked to low serotonin, similar to OCD. I recognize limerence in myself to be a subconscious desire for attention, affection and admiration that I did not receive and still desire.

treetop wrote:I'd have to agree that it doesn't seem to be an HPD trait, thought it may happen if the HPD is focused on one person for an amount of time. which doesn't happen too often, many HPD's usually have a fan club that they run to whenever they aren't completely happy with the 'steady'. any 'limerence' the HPD might experience would be relatively short-lived, about a year at most; or it would be occuring with a couple different people at once. which doesn't seem to fit the definition of the word.

I'd say the HPD does invoke those feelings in the non though, especially those nons who continue to pine for her even when all signs are pointing to 'this is not going to work out.'

Limerence is a prolonged crush and it can be extended to those who are capable of having multiple simultaneous crushes. It's a replacement for what used to be called obsessive love because it's less shaming and more hopeful. It's Tennov's special word and therefore will never appear in DSM or official descriptions of disorders. Currently there are those who are investigating the degree to which people who are stuck in limerence are suffering a form of OCD or kind of just addicted to a person. Not much is being done for those who are locked in reciprocated limerent relationships, as limiting as they can be...because the participants aren't complaining much.

My understanding is that an HPD can remain attached in some sense to numerous past lovers. But I doubt it can be called limerence because the attachment is not to persons, but a valuing of the attention and entertainment value of those persons. They will openly compare current lover(s) to the past ones in an attempt to motivate the current(s) to put more effort into stimulating, adoring, and attending to them no matter how exhausting that project has become.