MY HPD is seeking help, any hope?

411needed wrote:no, I think (SO......france1) .. You see the why behind why you can't let go....cause you're thinking about them, what you think about, you give energy to wether it is negative or positive)

Seems like you're contradicting yourself with this (otherwise good) book suggestion. Staying calm
(and letting go) is the key, instead of taking on someone's flame bait.. but agreed, theres no slightest possibility of long-term working intimate relationship with more severe cases of PD, still, they're good study material.

411needed wrote:Listen guys, these people are just like that car you hear one of your buddies talk about messed up wires and just won't run right so you GET RID OF THEM AND STOP WONDERING ABOUT WHY IT DOESN'T WORK RIGHT AND BUY ANOTHER....YOU GOT PLAYED SO MOVE ON!!!

Yep. Great analogy - there's some dodgy wiring in there somewhere that sometimes makes her act a bit screwy. You might never find the fault and fix it. You can't jump from that to this, though:

They have and it is because there wasn't anything there of real value. I have been where you are, been were your going and at where you want to be.

Going with your analogy - lets say the radio doesn't always work, or the left headlight flickers. And because she's good looking and pretty fast, you're always getting the young punks wanting to race you, or looking her over in the car park. You might even have to put the kibosh on the odd crook who tries to steal her. But despite that there's a real, solid, quality car there, one that you want to keep.

Sure, she has problems - everyone does to some extent - it's what else there is besides the problems that you need to look at when you decide whether to keep her or flog her off and buy something more sensible.

Some books that are a must read:

1. No more mr. nice guy, by robert glover

Heartily recommended. It's a great outline of what we 'nons' do wrong which has resulted in us getting stuck in crazy, destructive relationships. Whether you use that information to help you get out, or to help you fix yourself and by doing so fix your relationship, is up to you and your judgement of your situation.

3. The Secret, by rhonda byrne (You see the why behind why you can't let go....cause you're thinking about them, what you think about, you give energy to wether it is negative or positive)

Not so keen on this one, as I understand it (haven't read the whole thing) part of it is genuine "if you're not positive and proactive you'll never get anything done" but the rest is wish-fulfilment fantasy and probably not that helpful.

@ concernedperson - if she's actually in treatment, that's the first major hurdle. There's definitely a chance, you just have to decide how much abuse you want to take. I'm not sure why you're still with someone who cheated on you (multiple times?) but that's your call to make.

@ sofrance1 - you're right about the self-respect part. The rest seems to be trolling.

I'd recommend getting in touch with her therapist to get the idea about what to do

Is this action ethical? Will someone's therapist talk to you without the person's permission?

NYC1117

NYC1117 wrote:

I'd recommend getting in touch with her therapist to get the idea about what to do

Is this action ethical? Will someone's therapist talk to you without the person's permission?

Good question. No therapist worth their salt will talk to you about anyone's psychological health but your own. However, it might still be worth talking to her therapist, because even without discussing her directly, the therapist may be able to suggest ways for him to manage her behaviour or mitigate the damage.