Making An Escape! Yet Staying Put!

Last Wednesday night HPD threw my size 0, 98lb daughter across the kitchen into the countertop. His reason? "She charged at me!". He then threw a barstool which in turn broke the kitchen door glass.I called 911. Their response was "well, it is his daughter..... and this is his home.....". After the policemen left, HPD said to me "I'm leaving tomorrow.". I took him at his word.

Thursday night I realized that he had only packed a weekend bag. Friday afternoon I had the glass replaced, changed the locks and installed motion security sensors throughout the house. I informed him of what I had done. He was not happy to say the least. In fact he told me that "I would go to hell for what I was doing to him.". Well, if keeping my family protected from this monster means going to hell, then I want to be in that number!

He's coming tomorrow to gather his belongings and leave. According to the local Sheriff's Office I must wait outside of my home with him until a deputy arrives so that HPD can gather his belongings and leave.

To say that I am nervous is an understatement. I can't wait for the clock to advance 24 hours from now.

I'll post soon!

Wow. Both at his behaviour and the police response. "Well, it is his daughter"? That excuses violence against her?! Well done for changing the locks and making the house secure. I don't understand why you would have to be outside before the deputy arrives, but I'm glad you're getting some kind of police presence. Can you call in any friends for physical backup until the police arrive? I would have thought the police would want to be present when he arrives, given his demonstrated high risk of physical violence.

At least it'll be over soon, and you'll have your own home as an added bonus. Good luck!

ohhhhh honey... that's awful. But congrats to you for calling the police. Even if they were useless, at least there is a record. Suggest you talk to a lawyer - if he had done that to you, it would be possible to get a protective order in place, so since you guys are splitting, I suspect the same thing is possible for your daughter. See if you can get one for both of you. I think that is the only way you will be able to keep him locked out of the house anyway.

Something that helped me as I went through my separation and divorce: every time your ex husband does anything, especially something as violent and stupid as throwing your daughter across the room, take it as affirmation that you are doing the right thing. I KNOW you know you are anyway, but you can use all the affirmation you can get right now. Make a list, if you want. I promise it will help.

Well, if keeping my family protected from this monster means going to hell, then I want to be in that number!

I received the same threat. My ex was heavily involved in the church, and I knew leaving him would mean also leaving my church and - at least on the surface - everything I believed in. Yet, through the whole process, I was very much cared for and protected; clearly NOT abandoned by God as my ex husband had threatened I would be. This one point is one of the major things that resonated with me when I read Escape by Carolyn Jessup recently. You know your situation is/was pretty F'ed up when you start identifying with someone who escaped from a polygamist cult - but I did. You should read it when you get a chance...

But more importantly right now, as you go through all this, please be sure to take care of yourself. You are handling this really well, but you are only human, and at some point the stress, feelings of being unsafe, and PTSD are all going to hit you really badly. Now would be a good time to get set up with a therapist - sometimes it takes a couple months to get in the door, anyway, not to mention getting a relationship established with one. Your daughter could probably use an outlet too.

I'll be thinking of you. Take good care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. You're so close...
caro

teche25 wrote:He's coming tomorrow to gather his belongings and leave. According to the local Sheriff's Office I must wait outside of my home with him until a deputy arrives so that HPD can gather his belongings and leave.

To say that I am nervous is an understatement. I can't wait for the clock to advance 24 hours from now.

Here is hoping that he comes, he takes only what is his, and he leaves peacefully.

Is there anyone you could get to support you while he does this (other than the sherriff of course)?

Surely now a lawyer can make an application to the courts for some kind of restraining order to prevent him even coming near your home.

Take care - and hopefully your next post will be one where he is gone and you have your space.. I wish you all the strength and clarity of mind to get through this with minimal impact to either you or your daughter.

x