(or ass which might be more appropriate for me 
) Long story why I spell it weird.Getting down to business, I'll spill my story for you and appreciate any questions, comments, advice or suggestions. I'll struggle to make it brief.
I'm a stay at home mom/wife who has a child with multiple disabilities: cerebral palsy, severe development delays, severe seizure disorder, and is also nonverbal. Now wait, don't run away I'm just getting started!
some support service groups offer help in the form of PCA (personal care assistance) benefit for those that qualify. The support service people pay for a PCA of your choice to work for you in the daily care of your child. I was unable to find someone I felt trustworthy for a long time. Finally a woman from another support service called me to say she'd had a woman come in looking for employment opportunities. Although she wouldn't "recommend any applicants to me, she said she'd give me the woman's number if I wished. I called that woman and a year in my life that I'll never forget began.She came with great recommendation from a support service individual she had not worked for but was "friends" with. She had worked at nursing homes "all her life". I seemed to hit it off with her. Bubbly and friendly, she had long phone conversations with me that cemented the feeling this was the "right" person. She also had a disabled child with autism (PERFECT!!! I thought) Upon meeting her I hired her on spot, ignoring the slight nagging feeling that something was "off" about her. She explained away her lateness because she'd had a number of issues and problems pop up that morning. She had a big wide smile that assured me she handled it all with grace.
Her schedule was to be every afternoon of the weekdays and afternoons on Saturdays. I hoped that I would grow to trust her enough to leave my daughter with her for short errand trips. Her first week of work she had to take 2 days off for "issues" that popped up and she was late on the other days. She seemed sincere and most distraught telling me she'd "understand if I needed to fire her" I assured her that I understood that "life happens" and it's ok. She never worked an entire week. I found out she was fired from her last two jobs. Or possibly only two jobs. She admitted to marrying her ex so she could get out of her parent's house. Also admitting to living with a man for ten years after that in order to get out of being BACK living with her parents. She confessed to never loving either of them. KNOWINGLY never loving them. Even while walking down the aisle.
After coming for a few weeks she suggested we ought to "go out of an evening together" that we'd "really have fun". I having been a house wife/mother/caregiver for years without respite I took the bait like a starving trout. I in no way make excuses for myself. I'm an adult and I knew better than to get personally involved with an employee even tho it was the first time in my life being an employer.
Her son in residential living and a teen girl living at home she was a divorced parent. Our first "evening out" never got off the launch pad. I arrived to find her upset and crying over a "boyfriend". After consoling her to the best of my abilities she then took hours to get ready. The only place open at 10:30 for dinner in our rural towns was the local pizza joint. Pizza would become my weekly night out sustenance for a very long time. Our following try at an evening out started much the same way. She enjoyed her wine immensely and was never without it. One night when I got there she seemed "not right". Her eyes had a wild strange look to them, she became paranoid and snappy to me. She scared me. Once we began our walk to the pizza place I immediately realized something was very VERY wrong. She began to stumble and sway in high heels and walk off the side walk and into the road. Her shirt extremely low cut and falling lower. She tossed her hair and laughed. Several oncoming cars with male drivers nearly ran her over as they swerved whilst gawking. I managed to argue with her to go back to the house. Once at the house she nearly fell backward off her deck stairs and then fell down on the deck, performing a complete "face plant" into a tray of herblings she had growing. I couldn't wake her. Panicking I managed to open the kitchen door and yell and coax at her to crawl in. She said she was "having trouble breathing" and demanded I call her boyfriend. I called but he seemed curiously calm. I thought him terrible! here she was drunk from being distraught about their problems and he didn't even care!
I told him how I felt about his reaction. He warned me about her and that someday I'd see. I didn't believe him. The rest of our evenings together consisted of my reading magazines and playing with her cats while she argued/cried on the phone with various boyfriend/ex boyfriends/relatives/friends. I couldn't believe how "horrible" all these people were to her. "This poor poor woman
" I thought. I would console her and talk for hours about how she could better her relations with these "horrid" people in her life. Yet I felt strangely unconnected to her like I needed to be "on my guard" at all times. I never really felt "close". She often told me that boyfriends showered her with jewels and clothing. She often reminded me that "beauty is a curse". She asked once why I never told her she was "beautiful" and I told her that while I saw her as" a pretty woman...she was not what my eye saw as "beautiful". Sometimes she would insist I talk to a boyfriend on her behalf. Dialing the number and jamming the phone forcefully against my ear. She begged and screamed at me to help her by doing this. She threw things and they smashed against the wall. She asked me ad naseum if "she was pretty" and "was her right leg larger than her left?" "did I think a certain guy like her?" "were her boobs the same size?" 
I chalked all her bad behaviors up to her being mistreated by all the people in her life. "Night Out" was not fun. In fact, "Night Out" downright sucked She would be "mistreated" by a current boyfriend and then run and jump into the sack with another to as she put it "get back at him". One time I arrived to find her dressed in a mini skirted outfit and told "I'm going for a quickie! I'll be right back! " I played with the cats for a long time that night before leaving angry. I sometimes imbibed in too much wine along with her and would scold her "boyfriend" on the phone appallingly. I was getting out of control like she. I behaved in a way I never had before....well at least not since teendom 
Feeling a bit "wild and young" again I pulled no punches with this "horrible boyfriend" of whom I'd never met. Dumping on him all the pent up anger for my father/ex boyfriend/and husband for their past misdeeds. Male bashing at it's most potent. No man was going to treat my female friend like this 
I thought! Patient and polite he never hung up on me.I kept telling myself that I was being a good friend and that when I needed a friend she would be there for me. Do you think she was there for me? I hear a resounding "NO" sound coming from somewhere on this board
I had pneumonia and she actually yelled at me for asking her to come over so I could go to the doctors. Told me I was being a drama queen and in "bitch mode". Her father long ill passed away but I was too ill to attend the services. I felt guilt. There was no one there for her except an ex boyfriend. The one I blasted routinely on the phone did not attend. Neither did the one she supposedly was currently seeing. "Terrible people" I thought, just terrible. "I'm so compassionate people take advantage of me" she would often tell me. I urged her to go for help, she declined. I tried to "save her soul" from herself. It got worse and worse. Her mood swings swung within a half hour. I found out she was mixing drugs with alcohol. I found out a lot of things. I began to talk to "boyfriend" without lashing out. I found out he's a nice man. A nice but human man who got involved with a very sick lady. He struggled and stills struggles to detach from the madness. Finally after a little over a year, I myself have reached the point of no return. It's not worth the weekly night out, when the night out is not fun. A ceramics class would be loads better, seriously I gave her two weeks notice on the job. It's only been a week but she is calling less. I feel sad, guilty, depressed, free. Without the support of the "nice man boyfriend" I would probably still be stuck, a fly in the web of her world. The lies I found out were unbelievably spun. "Details" were things that didn't even warrant lying about. The lies she told us both about each other. Life is strange. I've lost a friend who really was never a real friend, only to discover a real friend in a very unlikely place.
Peace out
___________
"Life is not a dress rehearsal, there is no "do over"
" and threw her arms about me. Taken aback I didn't reciprocate the "announcement". It was far too soon to be thinking of her as a dear and close friend. She would tell me that she told others how close friends we were. I felt uncomfortable as I didn't not share this feeling of closeness with her. She often spoke of the carousel of men in her life and how she "loved them all very much but in very different ways". I observed she fell in and out of "love" with each of them very quickly. Depending on whether they were willing to put up with her or not at the time.
The poor daughter would get very upset. She was very jealous of her daughter, constantly telling her that she was getting fat. As soon as her daughter would leave the room she would grill me constantly as to whose thighs were larger...her or her daughter's 
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