What causes the extreme anger on the non HPD part?

koos12 wrote:I've never been so angry as I was when in the relationship with my ex-HPD wife. For the 3.5 years we were together I blow up about every 3-4 months. Things would be going smoothly then she would start making comments about other men. She would be sly about it though. For example, she once stated that "if I didn't have kids to take care of on the weekends, before I met you, I would have gotten into a lot of trouble with men". Could someone please tell me how a married man is to react when these type of statements are made. There were other times when she seemed bored with me but was very excited about the new men she was meeting at work. I would explode when she talked about all the men at work. Now that I'm away from her I rarely get angry around friends and family. Could someone please explain this?

The anger is your inner child trying to protect itself when she routinely tramples over your boundaries. Each time she goads you by talking about other men, she's crossing what should be your most fundamental boundary: "Treat me with respect, or I will withdraw from you." The anger is as much at yourself for allowing her to treat you with such disrespect as it is at her for doing so.

The reason you don't get angry much now (and I bet NEVER the searing rage you would have felt once you'd built up a few months' worth of resentment for her goading) is that your friends and family are 'good people' and generally respect your boundaries whether you enforce them or not. That's probably why you're poor at reinforcing boundaries in the first place; your psychological 'immune system' never had to work very hard.

They Make You “Crazy”: “The Loser” operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing “crazy” things in self-defense. If “The Loser” is scheduled to arrive at 8:00 pm — you call Time & Temperature to cover the redial, check your garbage for anything that might get you in trouble, and call your family and friends to tell them not to call you that night. You warn family/friends not to bring up certain topics, avoid locations in the community where you might see co-workers or friends, and not speak to others for fear of the 20 questions. You become paranoid as well — being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation. In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. While we think we are “going crazy,” it’s important to remember that there is no such thing as “normal behavior” in a combat situation. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from “The Loser” before permanent psychological damage is done.