Easiest Sign Someone is Likely HPD...

One of the earliest signs to watch out for when meeting a potential HPD/Cluster b/sociopath is when they use pity. They do this as a test to gage whether you are gulliable as a possible candidate for futher manipulations. If it goes well for them, then you also can be a target for supply.

My HPD was an expert at illiciting pity. She played the ultimate viction to the tee. I remember her telling me she used to go to a divorce support group for it was easy to get sympathy from the women and to also pick up on the distraught men. They are truly vultures. When someone responded favorably to her, that is when she went to work. She would go overboard and compliment them on how kind they were. She would make a quick study of what they liked and would align herself. My HPD would think to herself that is the ugliest sweater she has ever seen but would be busily telling her next target how wonderful she looks in it

If they can latch onto you with pity, then that is the first big step into your life

caro81VA wrote:I don't think there's any one sign ... Also, the thing that always catches my attention with PDs appearing on the board is how quickly they try to deflect attention from themselves and place blame on the victim.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Mine would do it all the time - over dramatic story telling, that stupid look on his face when he thought he had told a stupid story or events that he thought deserved an equally dramatic response from me. How many confrontations about lies we had and he would do his best to deflect and redistribute the blame on me when I kept bringing the topic back to the point i'd get frustration, anger and things like 'your like a dog with a bone', 'i'm copping the brunt for all your arsehole ex's' etc etc etc.
Compulsive bloody liar, even lied about stupid things not worth lying about.

I'ld like to know if any others out there had HPD partners who made up totally bogus parts of their personal history - mine tried to tell me he belonged to a 'special op's' group, would only speak vaguely about it as he said was not allowed to talk about it. Once when I split with him he came around telling me that i was the only one he could talk to, was 'ready' to open up to me about the atrocious things he had done o/s - killing people, destroying families etc, that he still has nightmares and wakes up in cold sweats about the things he had done etc. I told him to go see a vet affairs psych as they were used to dealing with that kind of stuff (needless to say he never did). A few months later he turns up with 'one shot, three kill' engraved onto his zippo lighter- when i enquired he said he had it engraved as it was his personal 'best' - so which is it? A trophy to be proud of or something that still gives you nightmares?? Needless to say he never did any such things.

MyWave wrote:One of the earliest signs to watch out for when meeting a potential HPD/Cluster b/sociopath is when they use pity. They do this as a test to gage whether you are gulliable as a possible candidate for futher manipulations. If it goes well for them, then you also can be a target for supply.

My HPD was an expert at illiciting pity. She played the ultimate viction to the tee. I remember her telling me she used to go to a divorce support group for it was easy to get sympathy from the women and to also pick up on the distraught men. They are truly vultures. When someone responded favorably to her, that is when she went to work. She would go overboard and compliment them on how kind they were. She would make a quick study of what they liked and would align herself. My HPD would think to herself that is the ugliest sweater she has ever seen but would be busily telling her next target how wonderful she looks in it

If they can latch onto you with pity, then that is the first big step into your life

oh yes, it's reading things like this that does arouse the anger in me. My MALE ex preys on older women either coming out of bad rels/marriages or with low self esteem. He swepts in and gives that flippin comical (now) 'that's terrible for him to do that to you' look and feeds them what he has learnt to say from past experience (he's been doing it 4 over 20yrs), plays the hero, the good guy that would NEVER treat a woman like that, gets them adoring him then starts with the pity crap - always about not being able to afford stuff and eventually gets them paying for everything and buying expensive gifts. As this is new to me, i find myself alternating between emotions but when i read posts like this and think of what he does to these poor women i get mad, so, give me a minute!!!!

Bam wrote: I'ld like to know if any others out there had HPD partners who made up totally bogus parts of their personal history

Mine distorted the truth so many times to the local news media (related to his job) that they stopped talking to him.

I'm sorry you people are so embittered that you think HPDs are like psychopaths. They really aren't. HPDs aren't actually bad people on the inside, they just are too frightened that the world will reject them if they take their masks off. Psychopaths don't really have anything that the world could accept under their masks. Just because there are superficial (and also less superficial) similarities between all cluster B diseases doesn't mean that the people who have them work in the same way.

insincerity wrote:I'm sorry you people are so embittered that you think HPDs are like psychopaths. They really aren't. HPDs aren't actually bad people on the inside, they just are too frightened that the world will reject them if they take their masks off. Psychopaths don't really have anything that the world could accept under their masks. Just because there are superficial (and also less superficial) similarities between all cluster B diseases doesn't mean that the people who have them work in the same way.

HPDs are, in real life, devoid of a conscience. It's not a formal diagnostic criteria, but it is how it is. Out of all the PD's closest to psychopathy, this one would be the closest. You might have known that if you'd met one, sir.

Burgerkid8 wrote:

insincerity wrote:I'm sorry you people are so embittered that you think HPDs are like psychopaths. They really aren't. HPDs aren't actually bad people on the inside, they just are too frightened that the world will reject them if they take their masks off. Psychopaths don't really have anything that the world could accept under their masks. Just because there are superficial (and also less superficial) similarities between all cluster B diseases doesn't mean that the people who have them work in the same way.

HPDs are, in real life, devoid of a conscience. It's not a formal diagnostic criteria, but it is how it is. Out of all the PD's closest to psychopathy, this one would be the closest. You might have known that if you'd met one, sir.

I date one, currently, and have before in the past. They do have a conscience and can feel guilt and remorse, their feelings are just more shallow than of most people and as such their conscience doesn't exert a very powerful hold over them. I'm sorry, but I know a lot more about what someone is like when they don't have a conscience than you do, given that I actually don't have one.
Also, ASPD is obviously closer to psychopathy than HPD, as is full-fledged NPD.

insincerity wrote:

Burgerkid8 wrote:

insincerity wrote:I'm sorry you people are so embittered that you think HPDs are like psychopaths. They really aren't. HPDs aren't actually bad people on the inside, they just are too frightened that the world will reject them if they take their masks off. Psychopaths don't really have anything that the world could accept under their masks. Just because there are superficial (and also less superficial) similarities between all cluster B diseases doesn't mean that the people who have them work in the same way.

HPDs are, in real life, devoid of a conscience. It's not a formal diagnostic criteria, but it is how it is. Out of all the PD's closest to psychopathy, this one would be the closest. You might have known that if you'd met one, sir.

I date one, currently, and have before in the past. They do have a conscience and can feel guilt and remorse, their feelings are just more shallow than of most people and as such their conscience doesn't exert a very powerful hold over them. I'm sorry, but I know a lot more about what someone is like when they don't have a conscience than you do, given that I actually don't have one.
Also, ASPD is obviously closer to psychopathy than HPD, as is full-fledged NPD.

ASPD and psychopathy are interchangeable.

I retract my previous statement. Some HPD individuals are obviously more antisocial than others. Some NPD individuals are more antisocial than others. I think that the actions of HPDs (as opposed to NPDs) are much more detrimental to society though. Is this biased? Possibly. But i've never really hurt anyone by thinking i'm the smartest person alive.

And for the record, guilt and remorse - no. These are ego-dystonic emotions. I know that narcissists don't feel these, and i'm pretty sure that HPD's don't either. It's more along the lines of shame and disgust. Is your GF diagnosed?

Burgerkid8 wrote:ASPD and psychopathy are interchangeable.

I retract my previous statement. Some HPD individuals are obviously more antisocial than others. Some NPD individuals are more antisocial than others. I think that the actions of HPDs (as opposed to NPDs) are much more detrimental to society though. Is this biased? Possibly. But i've never really hurt anyone by thinking i'm the smartest person alive.

And for the record, guilt and remorse - no. These are ego-dystonic emotions. I know that narcissists don't feel these, and i'm pretty sure that HPD's don't either. It's more along the lines of shame and disgust. Is your GF diagnosed?

No, her therapist doesn't think she's qualified to diagnose PDs since she's a specialist in eating disorders, but has suggested the diagnosis after I forced my gf to be more honest with her. (My girlfriend has, after a lot of convincing, accepted the fact that she's HPD, but doesn't currently have time to go to another therapist so she's trying to work it in to her current therapy)

APSD and psychopathy are definitely not interchangeable, and haven't been considered to be for at least the last decade. Do some basic research (even google, for god's sake). APSD is mainly a socialized disorder, and is treatable, while psychopathy is untreatable and genetic.

And ego-dystonic emotions can most definitely be felt in histrionic people - they have the standard range of affect, just greatly "flattened", if you know what I mean. They don't really internalize the effects of those emotions very well because they just don't feel them very strongly.

Let me give you an example that I think you'll understand, if you're actually a narcissist - people like you and me have to convincingly "fake" love in a relationship. Similarly, people with psychopathy fake nearly all emotions. People with HPD do feel (sort of) love, which is why they aren't actually faking when they "fall in love" with someone (usually). Their concept of love, however, is a shallow and mostly empty thing that is closer related to obsession, which is why they can't ever be satisfied with it. They can't "stay in love" because what they think of as love isn't nearly as strong as what normal people feel. This is similar to their concepts of guilt and remorse - they'll feel them weakly for a short period of time, but never intensely enough to cause any change in character. It may appear from the outside that they don't have a conscience, but instead they just have one that's crippled.

insincerity wrote:

Burgerkid8 wrote:ASPD and psychopathy are interchangeable.

I retract my previous statement. Some HPD individuals are obviously more antisocial than others. Some NPD individuals are more antisocial than others. I think that the actions of HPDs (as opposed to NPDs) are much more detrimental to society though. Is this biased? Possibly. But i've never really hurt anyone by thinking i'm the smartest person alive.

And for the record, guilt and remorse - no. These are ego-dystonic emotions. I know that narcissists don't feel these, and i'm pretty sure that HPD's don't either. It's more along the lines of shame and disgust. Is your GF diagnosed?

No, her therapist doesn't think she's qualified to diagnose PDs since she's a specialist in eating disorders, but has suggested the diagnosis after I forced my gf to be more honest with her. (My girlfriend has, after a lot of convincing, accepted the fact that she's HPD, but doesn't currently have time to go to another therapist so she's trying to work it in to her current therapy)

APSD and psychopathy are definitely not interchangeable, and haven't been considered to be for at least the last decade. Do some basic research (even google, for god's sake). APSD is mainly a socialized disorder, and is treatable, while psychopathy is untreatable and genetic.

And ego-dystonic emotions can most definitely be felt in histrionic people - they have the standard range of affect, just greatly "flattened", if you know what I mean. They don't really internalize the effects of those emotions very well because they just don't feel them very strongly.

Let me give you an example that I think you'll understand, if you're actually a narcissist - people like you and me have to convincingly "fake" love in a relationship. Similarly, people with psychopathy fake nearly all emotions. People with HPD do feel (sort of) love, which is why they aren't actually faking when they "fall in love" with someone (usually). Their concept of love, however, is a shallow and mostly empty thing that is closer related to obsession, which is why they can't ever be satisfied with it. They can't "stay in love" because what they think of as love isn't nearly as strong as what normal people feel. This is similar to their concepts of guilt and remorse - they'll feel them weakly for a short period of time, but never intensely enough to cause any change in character. It may appear from the outside that they don't have a conscience, but instead they just have one that's crippled.

You're right that psychopathy is a biological disorder, but for the sake of being congruous I call them one and the same on these forums. So many people interchange them that it really becomes a pain to point it out every single time.

Point well made, the only question i'm left with is that of semantics. Most people cannot correctly identify the emotions that they feel. When I think of guilt, I think of an emotion that makes a person feel badly to the point that they'll actually do something, you know? Shame is when you feel sorry, but it's with yourself so you don't do anything. And when one feels guilty they take into account the feelings of others. But our worlds are revolved around ourselves. I would hypothesize that any guilt you see in her is either feigned or it is an expression of shame.