Not sure what to do for the best!

As I answered her malicious email yesterday, I am now 'harassing' her again, and now she is, she says, going to tell my 86 year old father about my 'vile' behaviour!! I would laugh if it wasn't so sad. She is getting pretty close to the bone now though, don't think she can stoop much lower - and I am going to treat her with the contempt she deserves,'insincerity', don't worry. NC now for sure.

Dear all,

I am the subject of "HPDHELP"'s messages as has been confirmed in an email to my friend who he is also harrassing. I am currently, and have been for several months now, been subjected to constant harrassment from him. I would never have known about these posts if he had not sent the website address and his user name to my friend. For what purpose he did this remains unclear.

I have asked and then demanded that he leave me alone on more occasions than I can remember and cease subjecting me and my friends and family to this harrassment by email, text and phone calls. He flatly refuses to do this and his harrassment has become progressively worse.

I am sorry for those people who have obviously had bad experiences with people who are suffering from "HPD". The person who is stalking me is using this condition to justify to themself their reasons for continuing to harrass me when I have so clearly asked him to stop. Even if I was suffering from a personality disorder (which I am not), this does not give someone the justification to harrass and bombard someone and their friends and family constantly and without let up.

I have reported this to the website custodians and I have made an official report to the police.

annavs1,

As I understand, this is not a personal dispute forum. We don't know HPDhelp or you in person and it is not our objective to judge any particular person here or take sides.

This is a forum for victims and sufferers of HPD, who want to heal from their suffering. We share our experiences in an effort to understand and heal. If you are a sufferer of HPD, willing to heal from it, or a victim suffering from a partner/ex-partner with HPD and need support to heal from the abuse, you are welcome to seek support on this forum.

Your post above is not about healing or support from HPD, and IMHO, its purpose is probably irrelevant to this forum.

I have not posted here in quite some time, but felt compelled to write after reading this. No matter what happened to you both, you both need to move on. Dragging it out between famlily and friends will only prolong the suffering for both. NO ONE WINS, but both get to suffer and now friends and family most.

There are two sides to every story. We on this forum are here to listen. Not judge.

Give him a chance to mend his heart and move on. Obviously he is hurt and needs time. He said he would not contact you anymore in his last post, so let it go. The only reason to continue will cause further hurt and pain for you both, plus family and friends. Why would you want this? If he does stop, like he said he would and if you are not HPD, you should stop all action as well, including police. Why make it linger for no reason, but for the drama. Again, He said he will stop. Give him that chance.

No more contact for both....time to move on. I hope you do....

Annavs1,
Your diatribe is almost word-for-word what the HPD in my life said to me. I, as well as most of the posters on the forum, recognize the pattern of projection,gaslighting and victimization you exhibit. Posting on the forum is another attention seeking maneuver on your part. Do us and yourself a favor and obey the no contact rule. In other words, GOODBYE!!!!!!!!

Thank you mabpac, well said.

Hello annavs 1, as you have been told, this is NOT a personal dispute forum.But I have to correct you on a few things. As you can't even spell 'harass' it is unlikely you know the meaning of it. Just so everyone is quite clear, at no stage have I contacted your family or had any contact with them whatsoever. It was you that went 'running to Mummy' as the 'victim' for yet more attention. What I also find strange is that it was you that told me you thought you had HPD - I am just confirming your self diagnosis as spot on.
Your exaggerated claims of harassment 'for several months' - as I only met you six months ago, I would dispute that claim - are laughable to anyone who has taken the trouble to read this forum topic. I feel sorry for you A, please get the diagnosis you so richly need and deserve. Just so everyone realises what a 'monster' I am, here is a copy of the email I sent you only 3 days ago - the 3rd email in about a month BTW.

"Histrionic personality, (HP)
Intimate partners complain that the HP is very crazy and unreal in many social situations. At work, the supermarket, the athletic event, the HP is into the "act" of drawing attention and acting ridiculous. He/she gets laughs at the partner's expense, while emotionally abandoning the partner to the point that the partner feels alone and rejected. The partner may be manipulated into feeling guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed at trying to call the HP's attention to the inappropriate behavior. Defensively, the HP is identified with the false lively, hyper-dramatic self and not with the abused, injured, decimated inner infant. To call the HP on his/her behavior is to activate horrendous inner trauma".

Annavs, I have just been reading this for the first time and I didn't realise I may be causing you 'horrendous inner trauma'. That is not my intention at all, and if I have caused you any pain, I am sincerely sorry. I know this is straight after your 'harassement' claim thing, but seriously, if I have caused you pain and anguish, I didn't mean it. Here's the link if you want to read it all. It is a good article but does, bizarrely say 'cripple' in it which is most inappropriate.

http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/histrioni ... ydisorder/

Like I say, this is genuine remorse, and not 'harassement'. If only you would talk to me about it!!
Anyway, I am sincerely sorry, as I said.
S."

Why don't you consider using the forum as a learning tool yourself A? You are obviously getting more and more panicked that the truth will out and your 'good girl' persona will be dented. I think you will find that most people on here will give you a very sympathetic ear if you choose to find out more, tell the truth, and admit to yourself that you do need help.

annavs 1, incase you forgot ....

HPDhelp wrote:No I haven't been angry, the emails she's on about were to her friend, started off with me 'panicking' and warning her about a possible suicide attempt, or rather to take any hint seriously, then just friendly trying to help stuff - I thought as her best friend she would want to help, may have seen the symptoms and not understood them, was only 2 or 3 emls anyway, not sure where the 'hack my account' comes from! As far as the X goes, very little contact actually, as I said NC pretty much for 3 weeks, and what little I have said was 'just talk about this' etc. What triggered all this, all the 'deranged stalker' stuff, all the 'I'm going to the police' stuff, was I said to her, after sending her numerous DVD's while she was snowed in a few weeks back, - 'don't get even fatter lying on the couch watching the DVD's' - it was meant as a little dig, a joke etc, well that was it!!! went completely off the wall, ballistic, mental, 'don't you EVER talk to me again' 'I'm going to the police' etc etc - pathetic isn't it? Thing is now she obviously has her friend and family believing her 'monster deranged stalker' 'story' and they have taken everything she says as gospel truth. You are right of course Musician, I should go completely NC and leave it now, but from reading your excellent posts I think I am a lot like you, and this is like a red rag to a bull!The other thing is SHE has TOLD me to stop contact, not asked, not mutual agreement etc, so if I stop in my mind she thinks she has 'won'. I have plenty in writing from her, don't worry - the police would have a good laugh anyway, but it won't go that far. I have told her that wasting police time is an offence in itself. Her bizarre behaviour is keeping me smiling anyway! Cheers!

HPDhelp,

If anyone is a manipulator, it seems that YOU are. Seems to me that you're also a bit of a predator. I'd love to read HER side of the story.

You admitted in one post that you told her you would "leave your wife for her", just to see how she would react:

I am married and was considering leaving my wife for her, or at least that's what I told her to see how she would react

............then further down in the thread you write this:

We did 'downgrade' to friends really I suppose because the situation was impossible, but it was her idea, her controling me - I wouldn't really have left my wife, especially as I realised very early on there was something 'not right' with her.

Sounds to me, pal, that you're a game-player. I would venture to guess that a good part of her behavior has to do with her understandable concerns about being involved with "someone's HUSBAND."

I can't believe that you have even considered telling her parents that she may have HPD. It would seem to me that you should sort our issues in your own life before going to stick your nose into the lives of others. Like maybe start with focusing on your MARRIAGE and your wife. If you're unhappy in your marriage, then end it. Don't go sneaking around, getting involved with others, particularly those who may have some issues. Fix the problems in your own backyard first before looking to fix the problems in other peoples' lives.

I feel very sorry for your wife.

Ahhh, so this is becoming more clear. I've now read more of this thread. I see the HPDHelp's ex has joined in.

Seems clear to me that HPDHelp is the one with a personality disorder. He just happens to begin posting here (hmm, wonder where his WIFE is when he's busy here posting about his "friend"?), just HAPPENS to email Anna's friend with a link to this site and his username here..........then it naturally gets back to Anna. This seems all very calculated and dirty to me. It would seem to me that this guy is a sore loser and his way of retaliating against Anna is to bring her friends into it. I knew something was amiss when his original post included the bit about wondering if HE should speak with her PARENTS (she's 30 yrs old, remember) about this concern that she has HPD. I've been on the internet long enough to know BS when I read it. HPDHelp, you are a sore loser. You've admittedly lied to Anna and told her from the start that you would leave YOUR WIFE for her, though you didn't even mean it.......you were just tricking her and playing with her head "to see how she would react"............and when she realized she'd had enough of you, she dumped you. And you are sore about this. So you've come to a site like this, sharing your distorted view of the situation............under the thinly veiled guise that you "care about her".......but in reality, it seems to me that all you were doing here was trying to get revenge. You had NO business going to her friends, leading them here, telling them your username here. It was all a ploy to upset and embarrass her.

And of all the time you've had to immerse yourself in this little game, WHERE IS YOUR WIFE? Shame on you, on many counts.

If anything, based on what you wrote, how you twist things around to suit you, you come across as a spiteful Narcissist.

after sending her numerous DVD's while she was snowed in a few weeks back, - 'don't get even fatter lying on the couch watching the DVD's' - it was meant as a little dig, a joke etc, well that was it!!!

Yeah, that's so funny. You sound like a verbally/psychologically abusive Narc.

Also, you started out posting here, claiming to be sooooooooooooooo concerned about her, wanting to help her......but now that she's exposed you here, you write this:

Her bizarre behaviour is keeping me smiling anyway!

This is a far cry from a man who, a couple of weeks ago, was here seeking supposed help with how he could help his distraught ex because he cared about her soooooooooooo much. Now it seems the truth has come out. You love screwing with her head, it brings you pleasure and amusement. I think you outta toodle on over to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder forum.

So why did she pick me up in the first place? and I mean it took her 3 -4 weeks of constant flirting etc before I cracked. I would love you to read her side of the story, just as long as it was the true version and not her deluded version.
The one thing that has come out of this, as I have said a few times is I realise just how much I do love my wife and how stupid I have been to get involved with a lunatic. How you can think I am a manipulator when I have just had a relationship with a suspected HPD is beyond me. I have checked out your other posts takenomorecrap, and with respect, you seem rather disturbed yourself. Thanks for your advice anyway. My wife, and I, are both very lucky to have one another- thanks.