I'm NEW - are HPD's greedy/hoarders?

Hi I'm new to this forum..

I know of someone who displays strong qualities of someone with HPD (not professionally diagnosed) and I was just wondering if in anyone's experiences with the disorder.. do they display greediness? Also do they display jealousy if someone has something that they dont -- in my case the person I know of is obsessed with pictures and getting their hands on pictures of any random event.. and if they do not have a picture of something they will ask anyone who does to send them a copy.. and I feel the picture itself holds more importance rather than the actual moment/occasion that is being looked back on.

Any help or insight you can give is greatly appreciated!!

Welcome to the forum.

HPD often comes with impaired empathy, which can come across as selfishness or greediness. As for the photos, some personality disorders (including BPD and I believe HPD) cause problems with 'object constancy'; their ability to remember things as real once they're not directly being observed is impaired. So from that point of view, photos could be a more important part of the recalling process for a *PD than for a 'normal' person.

Being greedy and jealous and collecting photos is not enough to tag someone as HPD, though - I presume you've matched your acquaintance's long-term traits with the DSM criteria for HPD?

Hi TK,

I've never come across 'object constancy' before. Could you elaborate a bit? From what I read, I'm VERY TENTATIVELY toying with the following idea:

HPD will normally have people (typically of the opposite sex) around saying how wonderful, attractive, intelligent, and importantly 'good person' he / she is. This is what is being observed in the moment. Recalling past events, if this poses problems, will then be done through the filter of what is currently being observed. So the twisting of facts and blameshifting might be very real in the mind of the HPD (as we know it sometimes is), and maybe this is one of the reasons why. ("There was a fight; I am a 'good person', so I would not have done what I'm being accused of, so what must have happened is ... (story that makes him / her the victim)).

This could also in part explain the constant need for validation - the support you gave before 'doesn't count', as it's not being observed at this very moment?

AlwayGrowing wrote:I've never come across 'object constancy' before. Could you elaborate a bit?

I've heard about it mostly in relation to BPD, but I believe it may apply with HPD as well. More info:
http://www.outofthefogsite.com/CommonBehaviors/LackOfObjectConstancy.html

HPD will normally have people (typically of the opposite sex) around saying how wonderful, attractive, intelligent, and importantly 'good person' he / she is. This is what is being observed in the moment. Recalling past events, if this poses problems, will then be done through the filter of what is currently being observed. So the twisting of facts and blameshifting might be very real in the mind of the HPD (as we know it sometimes is), and maybe this is one of the reasons why. ("There was a fight; I am a 'good person', so I would not have done what I'm being accused of, so what must have happened is ... (story that makes him / her the victim)).

Wow... I'd never connected their revisionism with lack of object constancy before, but you're right, it does make sense. Perhaps (and I'm totally speculating here), there's a difference in neurotransmitters or something that means that when a 'file' is accessed, the emotional memory begins at the same time as the data portion of the memory 'file'. Then, rather than recalling the data first and then the emotional impact afterwards, the details are filtered by the emotional recollection and get restructured to fit.

This could also in part explain the constant need for validation - the support you gave before 'doesn't count', as it's not being observed at this very moment?

That makes a lot of sense too. Nothing you did for them in the past feels like it's "still there" emotionally, it's only what you're doing for them *right now* that matters. Great points, you've given me something to think about over the weekend!

From what I have understood from my experience with my ex and my learning from this forum and other places:

The person with HPD has an impressionistic cognitive style. This means an HPD perceives situations in terms of impressions. Even the past is recollected as nostalgic impressions - both "wonderful" and "bad". These impressions are created from their "feelings". "Facts" are then fuzzed to suit the feelings. This is done using both dissociative and repressive mechanisms so that they can essentially view themselves as a "good person" - it is a form of denial of the uncomfortable in favor of the more comfortable, secure and happy fantasy world that they prefer to live in, and can afford to live in given their ability to charm people with their beauty/superficial emotionality/false persona.

The people in their lives are not viewed as real people, but mere participants/actors in this fantasy world. Mostly, a woman with HPD gets into an idealized relationship with a male pretty quickly, with the thought that "he is a wonderful man who will love me and not leave me". She might not even be aware of his personal qualities and flaws at a deeper level and may not even love him for himself (which is what a normal person would do). Once into the relationship, she realizes that this man too has his flaws, his needs and his boundaries and is then disappointed, since these "facts" blur her "feelings" and fantasy of close, emotional romantic love. She might stay with this man until she devalues him and/or finds a replacement. Her "real love" though is mostly a symbolic fantasy Prince Charming who is omnipotent, powerful and even unavailable.

Unless this woman with HPD becomes aware of her pattern and seeks help, or a traumatic life-event forces her into therapy, she might never know this pattern in her thinking and may never be able to break it. She might think it is perfectly normal and might even self-justify her impressions as real facts, her actions as "practical" and "pragmatic" and her devaluation and final dumping of her partner as justice for his inability to satisfy her needs or his reactions to her as abusive.

[quote="babydoll9"]do they display greediness? Also do they display jealousy if someone has something that they dont -- in my case the person I know of is obsessed with pictures[\quote]

Welcome! ... I'll do my best to answer, but this is just based on my personal experience.

I didn't see greediness as I would characterize it (hoarding behaviors, etc), but rather, an extreme emphasis on appearances (personal / home / car), along with a lack of concern for spending money.

I did see an obsession with pictures, but of HIMSELF, and I've heard this repeatedly from others on the board. I'm not sure I understand it in terms of what you're describing, at least not if HPD is in play here.

Keep in mind there can be multiple things going on with a person.

Hope this helps. When you get time tell us a little more.

WOW i wasn't expecting that many replies - thank you everyone!! it is interesting to see everyones own takes & experiences. It is a relief to find a place where I can vent my frustrations but at the same time try to find answers just for my own personal knowledge.

to elaborate a little more for those that asked.. the person I am thinking of like I said is obsessed with pictures. i feel that the pictures are almost looked at like a trophy to them.. some pictures are just random snapshots of whatever the lense aims at.. while others are more "posed" and there are many that include this person in them.. like they can't be left out of the limelight.

This person is VERY tight with money.. takes peoples garbage & cleans it up.. a lot of times gives it away to family & friends with pride.. such as childrens playtoys, furniture, home accents, etc. (some things are acceptable others I personally would rather buy myself so it gets a little touchy when politely rejecting some items) and as far as gift giving you are lucky if this person spends more than $20 (not that this is a problem!!) but they are gifts that are totally unpractical and are more "give me a pat on the back for my creativity & uniqueness" type gifts.

The BPD (now looking at it more in depth) seems to fit also.. thank you for that imput I never gave that a second thought.. I plan on posting a more in depth post so please keep an eye out for it maybe you all can provide me with better feedback with a more detailed explanation!

Babydoll9 - check into OCD and/or OCPD. OCPD has excessive frugality and hoarding as characteristics, and well as a general lack of empathy.

NewtoHPD: thank you for replying in such a professional, and yet revealing manner about this disorder. My girlfriend in a sense exhibits these traits, something to keep in mind, Thanks.

THANK YOU REALITYCHEQUE!!! that hit the nail on the head.. i'm going to check out that forum & see if that helps further.. this person displays a lot of HPD traits but now the OCPD seems to be fitting better - thank you very much!!