Is it worthy to tell a HPD she is sick?

Hi. This my first topic. I'm not an english native speaker, so please be kind about that . The thing is, I'm fairly convinced my ex 'girlfriend' has HPD, but I'm struggling with the idea of telling her or not. I found a text about HPD which content can be mostly applied to her. Do you think it could be a good thing to leave it by her desk (anonimously)? Could it be useful for her to read it?

This is the text:

Histrionic personality disorder can often go unnoticed. People with the disorder often function well at work and socially, although intimate relationships are typically rocky and unstable. To many, the person with histrionic personality seems highly extroverted and perhaps overly flirtatious. More intimate relations reveal the negative symptoms of the personality.
Histrionic personality disorder is defined by a constant need for approval, which reveals itself as constant attention seeking and a need to be the center of events. People with histrionic personality disorder tend to form emotional attachments quickly, and despite having a rather shallow emotional expression themselves, tend to believe that their relationships are more intimate than they actually are.

Histrionic Personality Disorder Causes and Risk Factors
The cause of histrionic personality disorder is unknown, although researchers suspect that genetics and childhood history are involved. The disorder occurs most often in women, but whether gender is a risk factor or not is questionable. Some experts suggest that histrionic personality disorder is diagnosed less in men because society considers extroversion and sexual forwardness more acceptable in men than in women.

Symptoms of Histrionic Personality Disorder
Symptoms of histrionic personality disorder are often subtle. At a glance, the histrionic personality simply seems overly extroverted. It has been suggested that histrionic personality disorder may be at the extreme end of extroversion, where the character trait begins to exhibit clinical symptoms.
Unlike many other personality disorders, histrionic personality disorder does not necessarily have a negative impact on work or social functioning. People often describe the histrionic personality as energetic, attractive and popular. People with the disorder are also often successful in their careers.
These apparently positive qualities have negative sources. Histrionic personality disorder sufferers are not simply extroverted. They have a desperate, driving need to be the center of attention at all times and will manipulate both people and events to ensure that all attention is focused on them. In order to stay in the spotlight, people with histrionic personality disorder may resort to emotional dramatics and potentially dangerous risk-taking behavior.
Histrionic personality disorder also produces a strong need for praise and appreciation, and people with the disorder are highly sensitive to even imagined criticism. Their feelings are easily hurt. When not "performing" as the center of attention, they are nervous and uncomfortable.
The histrionic personality is easily bored and constantly seeking new stimulation. To combat boredom, people with the disorder may change careers and jobs on a regular basis, move frequently or take dangerous risks. Substance abuse, depression and anxiety can occur due to boredom.
Common symptoms of histrionic personality disorder are listed below. Bear in mind that each case of histrionic personality disorder is unique and symptoms that characterize one case are not necessarily present in another.

Common Histrionic Personality Disorder Symptoms
• easily frustrated
• "shallow" emotions that shift rapidly
• "theatrical" self-presentation
• discomfort when not the center of attention
• excessive emotional expression
• inappropriate sexual behavior or seductiveness
• speech patterns lack details
• uses physical dress and attractiveness to gain attention
• values and opinions changeable depending on social situation.

Self-Image, Outer Image and Histrionic Personality Disorder
For someone with histrionic personality disorder, self-esteem is closely tied to physical attractiveness, appearance and fitness. The desire for attention often manifests itself in the histrionic personality's appearance; being physically fit, wearing the latest fashions, having the best hairstyle and/or make up are common to people with histrionic personalities. Needless to say, the histrionic personality does not find aging comfortable or pleasant.

While most individuals with histrionic personality disorder are concerned with dressing well and attracting attention through physical attractiveness, some use startling or provocative appearance to get the attention they need.
Relationships and Histrionic Personality Disorder
Sustaining meaningful, intimate relationships is difficult for people with histrionic personality disorder. Successful relationships require deep and sincere emotions that the histrionic personality has trouble feeling. Despite their use of excessive emotional displays to attract attention, most people with histrionic personality disorder lack emotional depth and maturity. Their overwhelming need for attention and praise results in selfishness and a lack of regard for others; neither trait is conducive to long-term intimate relationships.
Histrionics bond to people quickly, but at a superficial level. Their demand for constant attention, often expressed as flirtatiousness or sexual promiscuity, often destroys their relationships.

Histrionic Personality Disorder Diagnosis
Although people with histrionic personalities rarely seek help for their attention-seeking compulsions, they may seek medical assistance for depression, especially when a romance fails. Diagnosis of histrionic personality disorder is based on observable symptoms and psychiatric evaluations. Physical appearance is also taken into account during diagnosis.
While histrionic personality disorder is easier to diagnose than some personality disorders, other medical conditions exist that can produce histrionic symptoms. Before a definitive diagnosis is made, these conditions must be ruled out:
• antisocial personality disorder
• borderline personality disorder
• dependant personality disorder
• narcissistic personality disorder
• personality changes from underlying medical conditions
• substance abuse

Treatment of Histrionic Personality Disorder
Antidepressants may be prescribed for depression resulting from failed relationships. For direct treatment of histrionic personality disorder, however, medication is not recommended.

Therapy is the preferred treatment for histrionic personality disorder, and has been used with varying degrees of success. Group or family therapy sessions are not advised; the histrionic personality's demand to be the focus of attention makes any multi-person therapy counterproductive.

Complications of Histrionic Personality Disorder
As noted above, failed romances, boredom, and low frustration levels may all produce depression in the histrionic personality. Substance abuse and alcohol abuse are risks the histrionic uses to attempt to alleviate boredom and seek new and riskier diversions.

Thanks for your opinions.
WL

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!! If you read the DSM IV definition of a personality disorder, the afflicted view themselves as normal. No attempt at convincing them will be to your favor. At the least, the HPD would blow it off or make excuses. At worse, the HPD will use it as a method to gain more attention, casting you as evil and trying to harm them. This may result in the HPD temporarily gaining a few "allies", as well as the attention they crave. In my case, the HPD actually used my pointing out her disorder to convince a judge to issue a Personal Protection Order. Never underestimate what the HPD is able to do. Your best bet is to maintain NO CONTACT and move on with your life.

Got to agree with MABPAC. I just f*cked up big time by writting an annonymous letter to my X highlighting HPD in my own way through what happened in our relationship. Hopefully it ended up in her SPAM and she did not get it, because i kind of regret it now. It shall only go to serve her positively, one way or another. Their conditions makes them crafty as foxes. After 4 years i should have known better....don't do it!

Musician.

"Dear Walkerlight,

Thankyou for leaving me that information, it's great to know what was wrong with you so I can finally feel that it really wasn't my fault that our relationship failed. I hope you have the courage to get help with your serious problems, because it saddens me to think that you will never be able to have a fulfilling intimate relationship. I wish you luck in dealing with your alcoholism and drug use as well (really, three beers over Christmas lunch year before last was WAY excessive and I know you only take those antihistamines because you're hooked on them).

Love, your perfectly sane and normal Ex.

PS. All of my friends thought it was your fault too.
PPS. And they think I'm PERFECTLY sane, I definitely don't have any problems, my friend Jess is a very emotionally sensitive person (that's why she's taking a year off from her liberal arts major) so I'd trust her over your stupid psychologist who thought that I might have some intimacy issues."

What do you think will happen next?

If she's HPD, she will deny everything and cause a big scene, then blame something, or everything, on you. There is no possibility that an HPD will listen to your diagnosis, have a flash of self revelation, and rush off to the nearest counselor to be healed of her disorder. There is a possibility that with enough threats, she will go to a counselor eventually, not change anything and still blame it all on you.

If she's not HPD, you just set off a huge bomb in your relationship.

What you need to do is decide whether you're willing to stay in the relationship, and in the meantime, start setting some firm boundaries to protect yourself from emotional manipulation.

hope this helps. caro

It's a complete waste of time. My HPD mother finally drove me to the brink and I couldn't take it anymore. I told her to quit with the histrionics or she'd chase away everyone else in her life who loved her (since I'm not the first person she's chased away - everyone else in our family, and all of her long term friends whom she had a REAL relationship with, as opposed to a work friendship, have all ditched her because of her manipulations and insanity).

She responded by telling me I was evil, that she couldn't believe I'd turned into such a despicable person, that I was someone she didn't know, and that her one wish in life was to be proud of her daughter, and she's so saddened to know that will never happen.

Thank god for this forum, because I was already prepared for that response, and it didn't affect me at all. I knew that she would lash out in any way possible, and that there was no way to get through to someone with that disorder. She's convinced herself, and her brainwashed partner, that there's nothing wrong with her. As long as she has her enabler (her partner) telling her that it's always everyone else who's crazy and not my mother, she'll never change.

I will admit that I wanted so desperately to do the same thing you are proposing - hoping that paperwork (that I could highlight the key points of) would maybe get through to her and show her that she has a problem. If only she'd be open to change, I'd be there right by her side the whole time, and maybe we could have a relationship. But there's just no getting through to people like this. It doesn't matter if it's your girlfriend, husband, mother, sister, daughter....you can't get through to them.

You're lucky that it's an ex, and not a family member. The absolute best thing for you, and me, is completely cutting this person from your life. Don't take the phone calls. Don't read the emails. If a mutual friend mentions it, say whatever you have to say to get the conversation moved in another direction. Recognize that anyone acquainted with the both of you will be told terrible things about you, and you may lose friendships in the end. But eventually, others will recognize that she's the crazy one, and come back to you. You can try to validate your claims against her if you want to keep the friendship, or you can choose to let it go. Either way, you'll heal faster by just letting go.

no

as someone who she has had conflict with, she will see it as you attacking her. leave that revelation to her. it's likely you aren't interested in doing this for her selflessly, but to get in her good graces as the guy who showed her the light. getting mixed up with and taking an hpd seriously (instead of like others who said 'looney tunes' and stayed away), says a lot about your emotional state. focus on yourself and improving your own state of mind to a healthier one.

you have a chance to walk away, take it. good luck.