Starting the new year in limbo

I'm not even sure how to title this post. I have reached a new level of frustration in the divorce proceedings and I think I just pulled a slightly histrionic move myself.

It's been almost a year and there is no progress towards a divorce settlement. All my offers, requests for information, etc are met with silence. I finally lost my temper last night and wrote my lawyer a long email in which I said, among other things, that I do not think my ex will ever agree to a settlement - that he is trying to postpone the divorce indefinitely in order to control and punish me. (yeah, that sounds more NPD, doesn't it? up until now I've figured it was just because of general incompetence on his part, and the need for other people to take care of things for him) I basically told my lawyer that I wanted a court date and I retracted all my previous offers.

Temper tantrum, huh? And somehow it worked. Is this what it's like to be HPD? I got immediate attention from my lawyer; supposedly he has made some progress with the lawyer from the other side, and some of the paperwork is in hand.

Of course I don't know that I believe them. I have been considering switching lawyers anyway. It is really difficult to communicate typical PD behaviors to my current lawyer, who keeps expecting my ex to function like a normal human being.

And I don't know that asking for a court date is the right thing, either. I feel like it is my only option due to nonresponse from my ex. but at the same time, it is putting him up on stage, which is probably the worst possible thing I can do, and I wonder if he's manipulating me into that position for that exact reason.

Everything else I've tried has failed, though. I got my own place, continued living my own life, got my furniture out of the house, and enforced no contact consistently. Thought that all of those things would motivate him to wrap up the settlement. Which will inevitably result in my writing him a check - the only variable to be determined is how much. So why wouldn't he want to resolve things and get his money?

My friends here think this is no big deal, I am really upset about something else, and just not talking about it. I don't think so. I'm really agitated over starting the new year in limbo - somehow I wanted this to be over by 2010 so I could start fresh.

Could use any advice on my next move. thanks, caro

Hey Caro

Are you feeling any better? I understand your frustrations.

In my head I am already trying to make a new start in 2010 and I will try to organise everything else as and when. I've got all the most important stuff done and dusted.

I don't know if that helped! But I hope so and wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Caro -

Your attorney is lazy! Plus he/she probably has a dozen other cases stacked up on the desk and he/she simply replies to whomever screams the loudest. Most likely, in your State, your attorney CAN file for a court date but simply would prefer not to waste his clerks time preparing the motion hoping the other party will file. He/she is obligated to file if you instruct he/she to do so. A close friend of mine who struggled through his divorce before I did issued a prophetic statement saying "you have to look out for yourself first, because no one else will". Call your attorney and tell him/her you're instructing him/her to file a court date. And drop a veiled threat like I did and let him know you intend to write the family law court judge in a couple of weeks to "ask what the hold-up is on getting a court date. I bet it works.

caro81va,
I'm in Virginia and in the process of finalizing my divorce now. I drafted a separation agreement and she refused to sign or even discuss it. If you have been separated for a year, or six months without minor children, that's all it takes. Simply file for the final decree and ask the court to equitably distribute the assets. His choices at that point are sign an agreement or let the court impose the agreement upon him. It's that simple (not really, but almost and it will get the ball rolling one way or the other). If you have a do-nothing lawyer and you want to shake things up, then by all means figure out who the bulldog is in town and switch. One of you will have to file for the decree anyway, and all it takes is a sentence or two extra to ask for an equitable distribution hearing.