Merry XMAS and a healing New Year

Dear all:
I wanted to take the opportunity to thank this forum and those that use it for all the ongoing support. When I compare how I feel with how i felt this time 12 months ago, i realise how much progress I have made in healing this year. It is largely thanks to the existence of this forum and many of the people that use it. I come here on off days, and it reminds me of what i went through, why painful feelings sometimes still come back, and most importantly that i am not alone in feeling that way. Until i discovered this forum 2 years ago, I thought I was the only one to have lived through such a painfully absurd experience, but after coming here i found so many other stories consistent with my own, and so many people behind those stories that felt as hurt as I did(and still do some days...) and were trying to find a way to deal with it.

I am convinced of one thing that i want to share with all those in pain on this forum now, those that are fresh out of one of these poisonous relationships and trying to deal with it. That over and above the tools available, such as this forum, to get over these relationships, i believe its all about strength of self. If you love and respect yourself enough you shall get over the aftermath and come out of the other side much stronger. Believe in yourself, and forgive yourself, because it probably was not your fault, and you shall manage.

Merry Xmas, and a healing new year for 2010,
Musician

Hey Musician,

Well said as usual my friend. This past year was a big one and it makes me smile to hear the resolution in your words. You have come full spectrum and I have a feeling that 2010 will be a fruitful year for you. Although this was an incredibly hard journey, the silver lining is getting to converse with some truly wonderful souls. We helped to mend each other and within that frame kinship and true healing has occurred. Many heartfelt thanks to you and others here who played such a big part in each of our lives.

The HPD continues to fade away, but it is the folks here who remain in my heart forever

healthy 2010

Hey MyWave
good to hear from you my friend. I was doing good until a few days ago, when I was blind sided by a strange dream. It was all very vivid.The next day I felt real up tight then insult was added to injury when I heard "Kiss Me" by "Sixpence none of the Richer"on the radio, a song that we listened to a lot during the early part of the relationship. I had not heard it since I broke off. So since a few days, I am battling with a little wave of PTSD, I know my blood pressure is up, I don't want to do anything, I am moody, and dwelling on the "how could I have been so foolish" past. That said, as we know, these PTSD attacks become shorter as we progress, and I can already see the end of it in my sights. These days its a question of duration in days rather than weeks. I have not been able to get out and run the last few weeks due to a virus that led to Bronchitis, but I am going to force myself tomorrow, I think I am well enough. I always feel better after a good sports session . There is also band practice tomorrow night that should help. It really is a long road to healing, but shall get there .

I hope all is well with you MyWave, take care Musician

Dear Musician,
I tend to hang out on the NPD forum, but often read here, as I find much overlap. Your posts consistently show a special balance of compassion (also for self) and wisdom.
I speak for many others, I am sure, in thanking you for your generosity, and wishing you well.
I look forward to your invaluable future contributions.
Happy New Year to you.
Mindful.

Hi Mindful:
Thanks for the kind words. Yes I have seen some of your rare postings on this forum.

All in all, these were nice holidays. I even managed to stay in bed snoozing until 11 AM some mornings, something that i just could not do after splitting with my X up until now. Xmas is an up and down time for me since I broke off. Its a time where the relationship became increidbly intense (now i realise in pure HPD relationship style...) XMAS 2004, and where a year later it had brought me close to a mental break down following a level of confusion that I still can't explain. I have very vivid and conflictual memories that come back to haunt me at this time of year. It can be they way the sun is, the temperature, the way the wind is blowing, the color of the sea, the smell of nature, December and January are always what I call my PTSD fallout months. 5 years ago this afternoon, on a freezing cold but beautiful sunny day, we decided to escape from work, we took the afternoon off, and we went down to one of the wild beaches about 40 miles from here. Now that should be a nice memory, but its not, because I know now that everything she said to me that afternoon, and everything that she did to me was a horrible lie. It was the start of her seduction of my spirit. What also comes back to me is that I lived what i felt to be the most romantic afternoon of my life that afternoon, for her to trash me the next day. Later in the week we were back together again, I really became putty in her fingers, and it upsets me and makes me angry that i could be manipulated so easily, that I was such a weak man facing her. Fortunately today it is raining rather than the wintery sun that shone that day, and today's rain already calms the vivid memories (and when i mean vivid, I mean like as if it happened yesterday...) and the feeling of having been emotionally defiled by that girl.

I ended the relationship 4 years ago on the 16th of Jan....just a few more days to get through to feel better... !

All the best for 2010,
Musician