Need for attention and acceptance.

by **A little Wisernow** » Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:31 am

I sometimes forget, that a person in deep HPD is driven by the desperate need for attention and acceptance.

My HPD (for example) wasn't really out to destroy me.....she just desperately needed to know that the new hot-guy thought she was "wonderful"...........

(And yes, she might have traded up for him, if he had really cared about her).

BUT, it was just her compulsion to "seduce" every "worthwhile" guy she met..........that got her into that mess.....

And she simply had to have his approval.........because he was "hot" and she needed to prove that she was in his league.

She was actually embarassed that she had "settled" ofr me!

She had to show all her friends that she..........could get Mr. Wonderful, to prove that she was the best among them.

A littlewiser,

That does sound very much like the me when I was younger. I can look back at a number of occasions that it got me into very big trouble by doing some of the things I did.

I wouldn't say your HPD was malicious in her intentions, it was that she couldn't see past her own veil of protection to see what she was doing to you.

I used to be in plays and sing when I was much younger. My goal was always to be a singer and an actress. Now I know why..... I know I can sing, and have always been able to sing, but I wanted the glory and adoration of the millions of fans that I could have had.

Now, it is funny, I thank God, that he had a different dream for me with being a wife and mother so young because I wouldn't want the hollywood life for anything. I really feel sorry for some of them to watch their lives so pathetically fall apart for all the world to see.

Funny how life works out sometimes.

by **caro81VA** » Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:21 pm

I would add, not just the need for attention and acceptance from someone..... but rather, from as many people as possible.

My ex once remarked that it was 'unfair' he hadn't been with more women before me, and tried to use that as a justification for infidelity.

In his view (not that I really care) he had to go out and collect some more attention/acceptance .... and I was standing in his way.

by **TatteredKnight** » Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:07 am

caro81VA wrote:I would add, not just the need for attention and acceptance from someone..... but rather, from as many people as possible.

I think you've hit the nail on the head here, Caro. Maybe this is a way to think of it - to feel happy in a relationship, you need to be loved by at least two people. In a healthy relationship, those people are your partner and yourself. If you don't love yourself, then the love of just your partner will never be enough for you.

by **ghost5of7** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:36 am

A little Wisernow wrote:I sometimes forget, that a person in deep HPD is driven by the desperate need for attention and acceptance.

My HPD (for example) wasn't really out to destroy me.....she just desperately needed to know that the new hot-guy thought she was "wonderful"...........

(And yes, she might have traded up for him, if he had really cared about her).

BUT, it was just her compulsion to "seduce" every "worthwhile" guy she met..........that got her into that mess.....

And she simply had to have his approval.........because he was "hot" and she needed to prove that she was in his league.

She was actually embarassed that she had "settled" ofr me!

She had to show all her friends that she..........could get Mr. Wonderful, to prove that she was the best among them.

There are also subtypes or "clusters" of Histrionics that ARE out to create havoc. Read up on some of the posters here. My Histrionic actually gets off on seeing the pain she inflicts in her victims. It sounds to me like yours is the same.

by **asphyx** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:50 am

ghost5of7 wrote:There are also subtypes or "clusters" of Histrionics that ARE out to create havoc. Read up on some of the posters here. My Histrionic actually gets off on seeing the pain she inflicts in her victims. It sounds to me like yours is the same.

I think almost all Histrionics are like this - the extroverted disingenuous antisocial type of HPD. The HPD I know fits the HPD profile perfectly but I also decided to put her up against the AsPD profile and she does fit that too, to an extent.They lack empathy and are just out to prove to themselves and their ego that they are worthy. All their actions are based on this pretty much - gaining attention and validation to prop up their self-worth. The more devastated their victims are the better they feel, because to them it means they care and love them a lot which continues the lifelong validation mission of the HPD which can never be properly fulfilled. Lacking empathy, they do not care about how bad their victims feel as they are truly self-centered narcissists.

Need for attention and acceptance.

Need for attention and acceptance.

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