a HPD in distress

Hey,

For my partners sake i've been trying so hard to stop my Histr behavior, but tonight i have opened the door and i can't stop. I have sent him attention seeking texts pretending i have had a panic attack (something i fake to get some supply as he is seeing through most of my tricks now), and i have now turned on him about his ex.

I'm going to end up pushing him away, and i can't stand the thought of him unhappy, but this thrill i get from doing it is amazing.

He is now ignoring my comments, which is infuriating and i am starting to become frustrated, this is normally when i step up the game and start with the harsher spectrum of tricks, i do not want to continue this cycle.

Help.

QuickHelpButton wrote:Hey,

For my partners sake i've been trying so hard to stop my Histr behavior, but tonight i have opened the door and i can't stop. I have sent him attention seeking texts pretending i have had a panic attack (something i fake to get some supply as he is seeing through most of my tricks now), and i have now turned on him about his ex.

I'm going to end up pushing him away, and i can't stand the thought of him unhappy, but this thrill i get from doing it is amazing.

He is now ignoring my comments, which is infuriating and i am starting to become frustrated, this is normally when i step up the game and start with the harsher spectrum of tricks, i do not want to continue this cycle.

Help.

You'll probably need a therapist to help you with these issues. The most anyone here can do for you is suggest you try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy by yourself to try stop your negative irrational thoughts, I believe that is the most efficient type of therapy for HPD. It's not going to be easy.

Hello Quick Help Button:
I was quite surprised by this posting, as I understand distress to be a very temporary thing for HPD. However, what you describe sounds more like frustration than distress because your tricks are no longer working on your boy friend. Of course he is ignorning your comments now, because he is starting to understand how poorly you function towards him, and realises there is nothing to be gained by replying to you. If you love this young man, you need to get yourself in hand before he walks away for good. If you know you are HPD, and if you want to change, get yourself a therapist, and in the meantime do what you can to surpress your destructive actions towards him (i.e. your textos to your X deliberately in front of him when you have the nerve to hassle him about his X...).

PS: What makes you think he shall be unhappy if you push him away. Get over yourself, he may be relieved...

Good luck, Musician

QuickHelpButton wrote:Hey,

For my partners sake i've been trying so hard to stop my Histr behavior, but tonight i have opened the door and i can't stop. I have sent him attention seeking texts pretending i have had a panic attack (something i fake to get some supply as he is seeing through most of my tricks now), and i have now turned on him about his ex.

I'm going to end up pushing him away, and i can't stand the thought of him unhappy, but this thrill i get from doing it is amazing.

He is now ignoring my comments, which is infuriating and i am starting to become frustrated, this is normally when i step up the game and start with the harsher spectrum of tricks, i do not want to continue this cycle.

Help.

Reminds me of a nursery rhyme my babysitter used to tell me. "If you have a taste for power, take a toaster to the shower". Deep six the phone so you can't text him, pull the computer hard drive so you can't email him and just leave the poor bugger ALONE. If you can't reach him, you can't feel ignored by him. Then? Get a life

*Edit

Hi there. I have borderline and have been in treatment for many years. It's not quite HPD, but there are similarities.

Were you ever diagnosed? Do you have other issues that may be causing the behavior such as substance abuse or were you ever sexually abused or abused in any way? Do you have anyone with bipolar on either side of your family tree (bipolar often co-exists with HPD and BPD). They rarely just stand on their own. And this is from my DBT therapist, not the lay therapists on this board who think they know what it's like to be us.

The fact is, personality disorders are serious psychiatric disorders in which one needs very good therapy. CBT helped me a lot, but DBT helped me pretty much recover. I am not the same as I used to be. I'm married now for fourteen years (happily). No funny stuff. No games. No lies. No looking for attention. Absolutely no interest in flirting with other men. I know I'm a good mom too. It helps more to hear about how you can get help than to get bashed by the men who chose women with disorders and are angry that they didn't act "normal." And that they didn't leave when they first saw that the woman could not offer him a relationship. IMO the men bear part of the responsibility for their pain. I would not have dated me when I was untreated

I'm going to give you a few links to guide you in the direction of good help. You have to make a strong, firm decision to get that help and you will have to work your tail off to improve. These men are NOT wrong that you need to stop the behavior, but you know that...I knew it too. It's not easy to just stop. If it were, we'd just stop...lol. On the serious side, you have to be willing to give it your all and not quit if the therapist doesn't say or do exactly what you like. But DBT is more skills training than therapy and it's geared for borderline (so I imagine it would work well for a motivated histronic as well).

As for your boyfriend, you won't want to hear this, but you are not ready for a relationship now and frankly I lost many people I loved because I had to find my center first. Until I loved and trusted my own emotions and cut the CRAP (the games) and committed myself to truthfulness (no lies, no exaggerations), I knew I was poison to anyone who fell in love with me. Please, please, please be good to yourself and make a promise to think of intensive therapy. For you and for your boyfriend, getting healthy is far more important than any relationship right now. One thing I stopped even before going into therapy was lying. I just flat out decided "no more!" Nobody can ever trust you if you lie. I almost tell the truth too much now...lol. If I find myself starting to embellish a story, I stop myself cold and backtrack with THE TRUTH. Probably sounds hard, and it was hard, but it's been years now since I've told anything more than a white lie (like, yes, I like your dress even if I don't...so as to not hurt feelings). That's the only way I will lie, although lying is not an HPD's only issue. Our emotions are all over the place and we need to learn how to regulate them. Until we do, we are a walking explosion waiting to happen.

Here are some links that may help you. (((Hugs))) and I wish you luck. Keep me posted!

http://www.palace.net/llama/psych/dbt.html

http://books.google.com/books?q=effecti ... CD0QsAMwCg