Anybody a Disingenous HPD too?

Fountianhead..I believe you mean "empathisizing" NOT "empasizing"....If you are sincere in getting better,you will keep posting..if not you will not..Most Hpd's on here do not hang around long..If you are sincere..SHOW us with your actions..not words..YOU CAN afford Therapy..There are Therapists who accept sliding scale..otherwise have fun not knowing who you are...That has to suck..not trying to be mean..just honest...I know there is not a lot out there for HPD's regarding books..support groups..

ring of fire wrote:Fountianhead..I believe you mean "empathisizing" NOT "empasizing"....If you are sincere in getting better,you will keep posting..if not you will not..Most Hpd's on here do not hang around long..If you are sincere..SHOW us with your actions..not words..YOU CAN afford Therapy..There are Therapists who accept sliding scale..otherwise have fun not knowing who you are...That has to suck..not trying to be mean..just honest...I know there is not a lot out there for HPD's regarding books..support groups..

i believe you mean, "emphathizing" not "emphathisizing." haha (sorry for the sarcasm, but i had to say it). but, touche.

your message to me seemed pretty harsh. but, to answer your question: yes, i am sincere about getting better. i revealed my concerns to my father today during our car ride home from work. i've been trying to be a better person by not succumbing to my natural tendencies. i gave a poor woman my metro card today. even though i didn't feel anything as i gave it to her, i knew it was a good samaritan thing to do. baby steps.

yes, it does suck to "not know" who i am. i live life mechanically and it is becoming stressful to hide my abnormality amongst everyday people. the stress is so overwhelming sometimes that i often think death would be a better choice than to live with these seemingly profound obstacles. it's hard to articulate the difficulties we encounter everyday as most people on this board are self-entitled victims. while i noticed that a lot of people here are mainly supportive, there are others who do not even want to step inside an HPDs shoes in order to understand us. what we should recognize though, is that there is a symbiosis with us HPDs being here. without us, the victims will have less answers to their questions. we are primary sources. and yes, it is helpful for us to have the victims post here as well in order to understand the consequences of our actions. we just need to be a little more civil to one another sometimes. and i am only saying this because your response seemed a little uncourteous.

Hello Fountain Head:
Your original mail, and your subsequent comments are so off the wall that its difficult to know what to say to you. I think you define here the acts, and your feelings (lack of...) that led to these. All that i determine from this is that your currently very sad life revolves around excitement you recieve from hurting others close to you through lies and deception. That and somehow being associated with what you consider to be "fashionable people". I assume this is because you somehow feel better about yourself and more important. You poor thing, you have a lot to learn . Personally I draw great comfort from knowing that "it wasn't me or my own acts" that brought my relationship to a desastrous end, but really someone elses sad condition, her ways being very similar to yours. Life's a game for you, which is fine, but people and their feelings are not your pawns to manoeuvre as you please (see lower about people definitively turning their backs to you...) You have used the words "victims and fools", but I think that you and people who act like you with your condition, are afflicted to the point that you are the "victims" and the "fools". Firstly you are a victim of you lack of "self"(how horrible to be hollow and not to feel, I can't imagine that, its abstract for me, and I feel so sorry for you; even though you may not feel sorry for yourself...yet !) and lack of "conscience". A balanced self and a conscience are two of the main things that most civilized human beings have in order to give and receive true love from other people, whether these be family, friends or intimate relationships. You are "fools" to believe that despite being badly deceived by your type, we on the recieiving end don't get wise, because we do, and will one by one turn our backs definitively upon you. When "you" (HPD) need us (your friends, your loves, even your own family may be...) most, for whatever reason, we shall not be there for you. This won't be because we have a heart of ice (like you...), but because we can no longer trust you not to deceive and hurt us. In a true relationship between people, it is a two way relationship based upon trust. We have to turn our backs on you when you need us to protect ourselves.

Best regards,
Musician.

PS: I thought Ghost's posting was excellent. All be it said with passion, he hit the nail on the head about how we feel on the recieving end. Print it and take it with you when you, learn from it...

Everything is so easy for you to understand, isn't it? I don't have a heart of ice and my comments aren't off the wall. My mother told me last week that she doesn't like nor love me. My heart fractured even more due to this. But, of course. Us HPDs have no genuine feelings whatsoever. Poor me, I'm such a fool. I know no better.

Fountainhead,

I think it took a lot of guts for you to come on here and spill em like you did. I have to hand you that, but you had to know there would be a lot of us on here that just are not in a frame of mind, or a place in our recovery from our HPD to read the descriptions of your "affliction" or actions and deeds while we feel as if you're reading from our HPD's journal.Because you all do the same, you all destroy our hearts and self-esteem all in the name of, "we can't help it, we have issues". And then to think we should have compassion and understanding for how hard it is on you.

You don't know HARD until every piece of trust, love, hope, beauty, desire, and joy that you feel with someone is completely and utterly destroyed by the very one you have those feelings for in a flash, by them coldly letting you know, "Sorry, it was all an act. I got what I needed from you, now, be gone. I have to move on to the next fool" and then we become your latest fool, and the one you make fun of to your friends and blame to your next conquest before destroying him as well.

When we lie awake at night and ache, wishing with all our soul we could reach you, help you find happiness, learn to love, have confidence in yourselves and your worthiness to be loved, when all the while you are out screwing a "source" when you have told us you were going to a dinner/movie with your sister, or girlfriend, and then come home as if nothing happened. No guilt, no respect for us, no small amount of consideration for what we live through for you. No, you don't know anything about HARD when it comes to this subject Fountainhead. Why? Because there is no way you can begin to feel that overwhelming pain. You have to be able to love, to know the pain of lost love. You cannot mimic true emotion, real love, pure empathy. They are out of your grasp, for you and the other HPD's out there that use us for fun. You could not sleep at night if you could even feel a fraction of it.

I do have hope you can find a way out of your personal hell you cause yourself. As someone with empathy I can say that with conviction and genuine feeling, because I have no doubt, it must be a sorry existence you live. But you'll get no acceptance from me as you're being a "victim". Regardless of your defenses, you have a choice, a conscience choice to be who you are, if you are able to see who you've been and see the wrong, and apparently you have. So, hang around and see the pain you and your kind inflict on those of us that just try to love you and then I hope you hurt, learn, try to feel and survey your damage, because just like all us here are as one, trying to find recovery from your collective treachery, you are all one in the same as well, and any one of us could be your victim, a real victim. I agree with Ghost and Musician. Good posts.

Fountain Head:
Pull the other one with the no one body loves me sob story. In this case its your mother. If my mother said this to me, my first question would be "why?" You don't write about that. Ask that question to start with, and may be you will find that her feelings are related to the way you behave. Its funny that you write such a posting as if you have completely brushed aside everything that you have written in your other posts. You can't write so callously, then turn on the tears when you feel sorry for yourself and expect people to rally around, same in day to day life.

Why don't you just take your mother in your arms to start with, tell her you love her (and i assume you do...), and take it from there.

Good luck,
Musician.

the_fountainhead wrote:Whenever I tell him my endeavors, he encourages me with ONE thing, EVERY time: “Good. You will succeed because you are very pretty.”

If I ever catch anyone telling their daughter (or son for that matter) something like this I swear I'm gonna thump them.

Wow, everyone runs in to slam the $#%^ out of Ms. Architect, eh?

I would be much more caring with you sweety. Gentle too, but preferably not

I'm a few weeks late to this thread, but I had to respond as I just got back from a session with my therapist, my 3rd since deciding to get help, and I spent the hour telling her about my HPD neighbor. While I resent using my time to talk about the HPD, when she's already taken so much of my energy, I had to address these feelings. Although I'm not HPD myself, knowing and living so close to one has brought up a lot of issues for me that we share and still make me feel uncomfortable and confused now.

I think that while my HPD neighbor and I both have difficult relationships with our mothers, she has complained about her mother being against her and her father, or feeling competitive about looks with her sisters (the reasoning for her DD breast implants, so she says). While I've certainly had these feelings with my mother, I've never felt this way about my sisters (none of us have had surgery either). As for our fathers, I know that my neighbor doesn't have a relationship with her biological but does seem to have a very strong attachment to her step-father, so I wonder if he praised her for her looks or "sexualized" her in certain ways? I'm grateful that my father never focused on our looks, but it was somewhat to the opposite extreme of almost "desexualizing" us, praising instead for being "good" and denying our feelings in other ways.

ridgid, what you said resonates with me as I only wish my father had stepped in to protect us from my mother's influence, at least to bolster our self-esteem, as you did with your daughters. Although my mother isn't HPD either, she's always been attractive (to the point where my NPD-ex used to imply that she was a MILF just to push my buttons, but I digress...) and was very much focused on weight, telling me and my sisters from the time we hit puberty, "if you get fat, boys won't like you", and in fact, it was probably the only advice she ever gave me about dating.

ridgid wrote:i found my self doing this in response to their mother..who is very attractive. though she's not HPD,she is concerned allot about her looks.. this started when she told one of my daughters to start watching her weight or the boys wouldn't like her...daughter was 10 at the time. at any rate, i put a stop to it...

After seeing me deal with an eating disorder and weight problems in my teens and early-20s, I think my mother realized how difficult and painful recovery was for me (later, in recounting how she heard my aunt scrutinzing her own adult daughter's weight, my mother said to me, "If I ever did that to you now, you'd bite my head off!" - and she's right, I would). A few years ago on a cross-country trip alone with my father, he finally opened up to me about my mother's issues and how he feared that had affected us.

So, speaking as a daughter, our relationships with our mothers are important, but it seems to be those with our fathers that can make the difference in whether we're HPD or not. It's an interesting familial, sexual and cultural dynamic to consider, but it's also obviously a very personal and painful one for all of us affected by it.

fountain_head, thank you for opening this thread, and while I was intially reluctant to read it for the reason stated above, I thought your initial post was genuine. You sound a lot like my HPD neighbor, if she were ever to become as self-aware as you (almost makes me wonder if you are her!) I think that if any of your comments following come off as disingenuous or even hurtful to the rest of us, I try to see them as more the normal pattern of defensiveness in HPDs and typical of the anxiety you've already expressed as having in these situations.

As for therapy, I don't have insurance and can't afford it either, but I'm getting it on a sliding scale because I know I need it now more than ever if I'm to move forward with my life. I imagine that it's hard to realize that you're an HPD and even harder to confront those of us here who've been hurt, so I highly recommend seeking some outside professional help yourself.

I hope to read more from you, and best of luck.

the_fountainhead wrote:

ring of fire wrote:Fountianhead..I believe you mean "empathisizing" NOT "empasizing"....If you are sincere in getting better,you will keep posting..if not you will not..Most Hpd's on here do not hang around long..If you are sincere..SHOW us with your actions..not words..YOU CAN afford Therapy..There are Therapists who accept sliding scale..otherwise have fun not knowing who you are...That has to suck..not trying to be mean..just honest...I know there is not a lot out there for HPD's regarding books..support groups..

i believe you mean, "emphathizing" not "emphathisizing." haha (sorry for the sarcasm, but i had to say it). but, touche.

your message to me seemed pretty harsh. but, to answer your question: yes, i am sincere about getting better. i revealed my concerns to my father today during our car ride home from work. i've been trying to be a better person by not succumbing to my natural tendencies. i gave a poor woman my metro card today. even though i didn't feel anything as i gave it to her, i knew it was a good samaritan thing to do. baby steps.

yes, it does suck to "not know" who i am. i live life mechanically and it is becoming stressful to hide my abnormality amongst everyday people. the stress is so overwhelming sometimes that i often think death would be a better choice than to live with these seemingly profound obstacles. it's hard to articulate the difficulties we encounter everyday as most people on this board are self-entitled victims. while i noticed that a lot of people here are mainly supportive, there are others who do not even want to step inside an HPDs shoes in order to understand us. what we should recognize though, is that there is a symbiosis with us HPDs being here. without us, the victims will have less answers to their questions. we are primary sources. and yes, it is helpful for us to have the victims post here as well in order to understand the consequences of our actions. we just need to be a little more civil to one another sometimes. and i am only saying this because your response seemed a little uncourteous.

I'm still trying to find where the harsh and discourtesy parts of Ring of Fire's post are... Was it the "don't SAY you're sincere, SHOW that you're sincere"? No attacking here. But my ex hpd had the same attitude. After seeing naked photos proof and discovering 2 'fiancees' and 3 OTHER f-buddies my ex vowed to hop a bus and come to me to SHOW that she truly was sorry.... Then broke that promise and was outraged that I didn't accept a syrupsweet "sorry" as proof. I can swear to you that I'm the queen of sheeba, but that don't prove I have boobs and wear a crown. I think what Rings point was is this: There are a hundred ways you can get help, but there are a million excuses you can come up with to cover up that you didn't bother. A little "calling you on b.s." isn't at all discourtesy. Its called a reality check.
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The "self described victims here" phrase seemed a little derisive and uncivil.. But maybe I'm misinterpreting the tone.. I know that its a thrill, but the victims here REALLY ARE victims. What HPD's do is a form of rape and the scars run very deep. But again, I may be offbase on this one.

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"Some of the victims don't even want to step into our shoes in order to understand us". Did you know that FBI profilers who "get into the shoes" of serial killers have a disproportionately high rate of mental problems afterwards? Understanding evil isn't always a good thing. And I'm sorry, but I really DO think you people are evil. Maybe it makes me a bigot, but my ex used my compassion, my ability to feel another persons pain as a manipulative tool to play her twisted game, and inflict pain ON ME. Using a persons human decency as a weapon for sadistic enjoyment of seeing them hurt... I'm NOT religious, but that's 100% EVIL. Heartless.. whatever. From this perspective, do you think sympathy is a realistic expectation?
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"The stress is so overwhelming that I sometimes think death would be preferable" It may surprise you, but the people you described hurting and using may feel the same about their own post-hpd lives. I'm a trucker, and winter is why its one of the top 10 most dangerous jobs. Before, I'd hit the road I'd realize "This truck may be where I die". That thought doesn't scare me anymore. Not long ago my ex-hpd succeeded in showing me pictures of her pregnancy. I numbed my mind with alcohol and hopped into the tub (no gun available) and used an old soldiers mental trick of dissociating what I was doing in order to defeat survival instinct. I wasn't committing suicide, I was trying to sever an artery. I THOUGHT I succeeded, but I merely passed out. Depression and despair were part of the motive, PTSD is now official for me, but my REAL motive? Hatred. Its possible to hate so passionately, and hurt so horribly that dying in a hotel bathtub is a relief. How eager should I be to understand the mind of a woman who'd get off on the thrill of me killing myself? Who also expects to be pitied because "it sucks to be me"