New here-Mother histrionic?

Hi everyone!

Thanks for this great forum, I'm new to it, but I already got a lot of information from it.

I would like to pose the question if you think my mother is histrionic or not. It's quite difficult to put feelings into words, but I'll give it a try (sorry for my English).

As a child I always believed that everything my mother said or did was right. I guess that's normal for a child. She demanded my respect, which of course I gave her, but she never respected my own personality (and still doesn't). When I would talk to her about the fact that I sometimes have my own thoughts too, she would say : well, you are a child, I'm the parent, there's no respect in that for you...

I must admit my mother never really flirts, unlike many HPD's. But from when I was 13, she made me create relationships with men more than 20 years older then me, telling me how look at them, to flirt with them. Of course, such relationships turned out to nothing and she would be very angry at me then, when such a male dropped me, saying it was all my fault. I guess it were all men she would have picked out for herself, would she have been younger. Perhaps she used me to get closer to them.

The time came I wanted to have a relationship with a man more of my age, whom I chose myself. But she would lie so much about him and make things so difficult for me, that the relationship wouldn't held. So I broke of with the person I loved and wanted to marry, after 3 years. Eventually, I got out, marrying my present husband. She didn't agree with this marriage, so she wouldn't make any arrangements for the wedding. Years later, I spoke to my aunt, who asked me, why I hadden't allowed my mother to sew my weddingdress (God, she lied that about me, to save her face...), and I told her my mother didn't even want to be at my engagement! I believe my mother lies about me and others to fix her own image.

So, my mother doesn't believe she's sexually attractive, but she uses her bad health to get her attention. Of course, she's quite ill at times, but I don't understand her lack of empathy for persons who are ill themselves. I've got my health problems too, but I feel when I talk about them, that she sees them as a threat to her own attention. I thought the most natural person to express some empathy, would be a mother, right? She also hasn't been looking for a job for decades. Of course, she doesn't always feel very well, but if there's some activity she might like, she's got more energy then I. She doens't understand me being tired after work. She demands me to engage in activities with her, even though I'm tired, and she's very upset when I can't, cause I've got work to do round the house or want to sleep. Yes, she's easily bored and needs a constant thrill of adventures and trips.

Don't dare to disagree with her, if you do your in for a bout of anger and perhaps tears. She might produce fake tears too, if needed. She uses quite some cynism when you utter your opinion and makes you feel a fool.

My mother is creative though, and although she started a lot of hobbies without finishing them, she now carries on with painting.

My mother is very generous, giving lots of money or stuff, but it gives me the feeling as if she buys your loyalty. In fact her parents would do the same.

At this moment I try to brake free from her opinions and try to live my own live, although I meet her regularly. But I still feel her influence. I even don't dare to have children because of her, because I know she wil impose her opinions upon me about child-rearing.

To save my own personality, it's important for me to know what this disorder might be, so I would know how to react. She would never want to go to a psychologist, because there couldn't be something wrong with her. She's perfect...

I hope you can help me with that,

Thanks in advance

closing as it's a double post