Hi...my views on HPD

Hello..I am new to this board,I found it yesterday and have been reading non-stop..I am a non..and know very much about HPD..My guess is that on the most part .people who have been married,had relationships,friends with people with HPD are on here..but..I am sure there are ones who think thet may have HPD or may have been diagnosed are also on here reading..my message is for both..HPD is a serious disorder,anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves..I HATE the disorder.Not the person..one who has HPD always has it..you cannot be "cured" of it..you may have a time when you do very well ..sometimes not so well. BUT I do not think it is fair for a HPD to always read about how there is no hope for them..that must be discouraging.My own personal belief is as follows--I believe if you have HPD most likely you have it for a reason..in MANY ..but not ALL cases..child abuse,child sexual abuse had a part in their past..unless they go thru intense healing,therapy for that ..they will not see progress..also I believe if this HPD believes in the Bible,they should make every effort to study the bible and adhere to it's counsel..not just read it but take it in..and put on the "new personality" that the Bible talks about..when I was a teen I was raised by a BPD parent,I had anorexia..one of the biggest thing that helped me to do well with that disorder was to simply see that anorexia was a shallow disorder to have,why not focus on others and important matters rather than Obssess over how much you weigh? With me..it worked ..I raelly do believe not that a HPD can be "cured" but this simple way of thinking can help at times..not that they will be perfect or not act out at all but I think,can help..it is not easy..Jesus was a modest man..we cannot be modest and at the same time act out as a Histrionic..I am writing this because I think we all need to show that a person with HPD is not doomed..cause I don't think they are..I would like to know the opinions of others and especially I would like to know if a HPD reading this is offended..

if this HPD believes in the Bible,they should make every effort to study the bible and adhere to it's counsel..not just read it but take it in..and put on the "new personality" that the Bible talks about..

I have lived the last 25 years of my life believing and praying that if I were a "good wife" and prayed wholeheartedly that the Lord would save and protect my marriage and my husband would be "healed". I also thought that living the Word would assist in creating a healthy marriage and therefore I would be a benefit to my husband. I was wrong on all counts.

HPDs do not lend themselves to healing. If interest in the bible is a route to luring their prey, they will use it to their advantage.

HPDs will NEVER be capable of "higher learning" or "enlightenment" because their personalities are too focused on themselves. Their need to be the absolute center of attention will forever derail any course of treatment, faith-filled or science-filled.

Ok so ..what do you suggest for a HPD person looking to get better? Or do you believe they might say that but truly don't want to do the work? So far I have not disagreed with anybodys posts on here..and I would also say that I agree with your words..25 years is a long time..

Ok so ..what do you suggest for a HPD person looking to get better? Or do you believe they might say that but truly don't want to do the work?

I believe that an HPD will attempt anything to hold on to their prey. This may include therapy, bible study, yoga or personal physics. As long as the HPD is trying to hold on to their "love" of the moment; they will try anything to convince their prey that they do indeed want to change. However, the HPD personality does not lend itself to healing because they believe that every negative aspect of their personality is the fault of someone or something else.

No, I do not believe that an HPD can wholeheartedly put forth the effort to heal and enter mainstream society. Due to the fact that an HPD lacks reasoning, it's impossible for them to function as "normal" people function.

My ex-HPD wife knows the Bible inside and out. She can quote scriptue better than most Christians but, I don't think that she was ever Born-Again or regenerated. The Bible speaks of the demoniac man who lived in the tombs wearing no clothes; braking chains when bound; and cutting himself with stones. This man was out of his mind until he met Jesus. The scripture says that once Jesus loosed this man from his demons that he was clothed and of his right mind and sat reasoning with Jesus. When the crowd saw this, they were amazed at what Jesus had done. Now I believe that Jesus can change anybody that's willing to change but, I don't belive that most HPD's will seek salvation through repentance (a willingness to turn from sin) and by believing in Jesus' shed bood for the forgiveness of sins. They can't repent when they don't see that their actions are sinful. My ex would flirt with men while we were married and saw nothing wrong with it. She deceived me many times and when confronted with facts denied them. She definitely was not clothed and of her right mind. She would wear seductive clothing. I just don't think that they are capable of turning from their sinful ways. I pray that I'm wrong. God is not willing that any should perish but, that "ALL" should come to repentance.

From my initial post I know a lot of you may think I am naive..truth is I am angry but it is a waste of time to be fixiating on my anger..I don't want to be anything like a HPD..No shallow,no "dropping people liek flies" ,no flirting...They want to live like that..that is there choice..I wil however pray for them and specifically my friend who has it..There is simply nothing else I can do..It is not my problem..I am very disappointed in my friend..someone I thought raelly wanted to get better..

*

God would not have created a systemic dysfunction if it had no purpose. HPDs are attracted to vulnerable mates. After they become a victim they either wallow in self pity or become a force in their world. Emotionally my turmoil will never end, but intellectually my sublimated anger has pushed me farther than I would have gone otherwise. If there is a god, he created a histrionic as a sick joke or a means to remove ones vulnerability to in turn move towards ones potential.

Wallow or Move forward, faith is not a language that histrionics understand. Prayers don't raise children or grow into crops. Prayer is gods way of helping you feel better. Its his will that you do, or he would not have given you all that ability. So live on...

I found this board while doing some other stuff, and I have to say, you people sure are a negative bunch. You make it sound like people with HPD can't even have redeeming features! You also seem to be trying to say that people that have it are all the same. Now, when you think about it, doesn't that seem a little silly?

Now, my best friend has HPD, and we've been through everything together. We've laughed together, we've cried together, and honestly, I doubt that anyone knows him better then I do. With that being said, it is not that he doesn't want to get better. It's that he CAN NOT get better.

The core of the problem, and I assume it's the same for all of them, is the basic lack of an understanding of truth and consistency. What they want "Now" is all that's important, and they'll throw everything it takes into making it happen. They will say anything and do anything it takes, then deal with any consequences when they crop up. That doesn't mean they all want to be that way. As much as they've lied to you, I assure you that they've lied to themselves more.

If you want to know what a HPD's true values are, you need to look at the way they judge other people, because they can not judge themselves. If they do not like the kind of people that do the things that they do, then I assure you, they do not like themselves when they think about it (which will be as little as possible). The problem is, as much as they may hate what they do in the abstract, and try to justify it afterwards, when the time comes, their only thought will be on how to achieve their desire.

Either way, my friend's a ton of fun, and he tries hard to be the best person he can be. I know exactly what i can and can't trust him with, and I've learned to tell when the rules change. It's not in any way easy to be in a relationship with someone with HPD, any more then it is with anyone else with serious issues. At the end of the day though, there is no one I'd rather have at my side when things get rough.

Perhaps you think they deserve their fate because you've been hurt. To that, all I can say is that some of those relationships and feelings were real. The quickest way to my friends heart is a open, generous, and thoughtful gesture that was not brought about by manipulation. If you ever performed such a gesture for your partner then I assure you that the feelings that she showed at the time were 100% real. If you didn't, then I really don't see where you have room to complain about the results.

Balderdash - I admire the fact that you have a seemingly stable friendship with someone who has HPD. That said, the key breaking point that destroys HPD relationships is the cheating and lying. Friendship is not exclusive the way a relationship usually is. Friends can take breaks from each other for days or weeks if needed, with no harm done to the relationship.

I know exactly what i can and can't trust him with, and I've learned to tell when the rules change.

And the things you can't trust him with are things that you can accept being lied to about. The rules that change don't affect your closest intimate relationship. That's why you can make it work - it takes strength to put up with the histrionics and the drama-queen persona but they're manageable if the friendship is worth it to you.

The only analogy I can think of is imagine you'd go out to dinner or to a club with your awesome friend, and occasionally he'd turn around and stab you in the face for no reason. Not maliciously, just as part of his disorder. It'd be quite difficult to maintain your friendship then, hmm? Their behaviour towards their current partner is like this.

HPD sufferers can be great friends, and are often plenty competent in the rest of their everyday lives. The reason we here are somewhat negative is that most of us are 'hpd relationship survivors' and that (as part of their disorder, obviously they 'can't help it') they've suckered us into committing to a relationship, and then psychologically and emotionally tortured us for months or years before eventually discarding us, only to show up and try to reel us back in the moment we start moving on and trying to live a normal life.

You say we assume they're all the same - how many of the stories here have you read? They tend to be disturbingly similar, and that's what leads people to stay on this forum. We've each thought our own situation was unique, tried to rationalise or excuse our partners' behaviour, and probably at some points doubted our own sanity due to their gaslighting and facile manipulation of the truth. Then we stumbled on this forum and saw our own story written dozens of times over by total strangers. There are individual differences, yes. The similarities are overwhelming.

I have no doubt that the emotions my wife feels for me are real at the time. They're just incredibly ephemeral. She can tell me "you're the most amazing man in the world, I'm so lucky to have you, you're so wonderful" and ten minutes later demonize me for answering a question with the wrong inflection in my voice, or for making some small random noise that she demand to know the meaning of. I understand that she's not evil or hateful, she's a genuinely good person, one whom I love. I still feel we have a future together and hope that with help, she can overcome the worst of these traits and that our future can be smoother.