HPD Lover...Can she truly be reformed?

Hello everyone out there. Please take sometime and see if you can help me. Like alot of people on this board, Alot, I have managed to stumble onto this website looking for answers. To a horrible question. My affliction is with my girlfriend. We have been dating on and off for ten months. My life went from quiet and peaceful to nothing but drama. Hellish painful, drama. I discovered awhile later she did have some disorders and took medicine for them. Borderline PD being predominate. After studying and reading Im almost 100% sure she is closer to HPD. Here's why:

1.Emotional mood swings. Hated me for little things in the morning, then loved me so much right after in the afternoon. This continued for 6 months. Erratic signs since.

2.She managed to treat me like a taxi, ignore me for other friends and men, and still make love to me, and say I love you for 4 months, until my means to do any of this dropped. After I lost my car, we couldnt hang out as often. She got rides to go have fun, with other guys that drove and that wanted her.

3.She partied alot. Got drunk alot. With or without me. For or against my wishes. When she would drink I know she wanted intimacy. So I wonder really of the many times she stormed off to a party mad at me for something stupid what honestly happened.

4.Still, we had sex. Lots and lots of it. We first did it a week into the relationship. Then almost Daily or everytime we saw eachother after.

5.She grew up in an abusive family. Alchoholic and abusive father. Bi polar and abusive mother. I felt bad for her. Blind eyed alot of things because I was sorry.

6.Talked to an abnormal amount of guys for six months. Myspace, texting. Openly flirted with other guys, but said they were only friends and it would stay that way. Until something happened. Until I got fed up. Then she would cling back to me like a magnet. I recently read through her Myspace mail. Looked back over ten months of it. Any mail she had gotten before March that started off with, "Hey sexy." Or "Urr fine" got a response. Numbers were traded on some.

7.$#%^ loads of posed pics on myspace. Has lots of unnessesary and shady friends. Whenever we had an issue, the whole thing was posted on there too. I had to eventually delete my myspace from all the hate comments I recieved.

8.During all this, for months we faught and made up almost daily. Over stupid things many times.

9.On a few occasions I would pick her up the morning after of a party, with her apologizing to me. I would be angry. We would talk it out for the best. It would happen again.

10.One night I had ditched my job to go see her and talk to her. She wanted to break up. I was fine with it then, either way. I almost left, but she held me back. Made me feel loved. The next night she made out with three guys at a party. Said she was mad and depressed, thats why.

11.Another night her fat friend wanted to go to brandenburg. She had wanted my Girlfriend to go to. I really didnt want her to. I knew the guy driving liked her. Some skinny black kid. What I didn't know he had done $#%^ with her in the past. She lied and went against my wishes then came back said everything was fine. Two weeks later while she was breaking down she admitted to making out with him that night. How could she possible stoop that low at all? Did she ever see herself in a mirror?

12.She caused me to lose all of my friends. Tried to make my best friend five years running a liar and split us up by saying he went and partied with her, when I KNOW he's was in an awesome relationship and is now getting married to said girl soon. Still have had several digressions between the two of "one event, two different stories".

13.She's lied to me to go do things I was openly against. Seeing and hanging out with guyfriends and the like.
People I didnt even know or met spread lies to me to her to break us up. It worked. Randomly I would logon myspace and find myself branded as a cheater, or a liar or something ridiculous.

14.Her friends used to have complete control over her. She was like a puppet. Did everything and listen to anything they wanted.

15.The second I asked for a break, she was all heart broken and clingy. Crying. The next day, it was a different guy. Dude was fifteen, she's almost eighteen. Found out about it on myspace. Apparently he emphasized with her and her him. Once I told her I knew and to go @$#!% herself, she immediately broke it off and got back with me. Felt like I won.

16.Alot of her friends are, well, lesbians. Or Bi. She's done $#%^ with some of them in the past. But she denies it. I once slapped her for making out with her Fat friend while drunk. I never had hit a woman before. I lost it.

17.I refused to take her to a party once. The guy hosting it, wanted her. She knew. As did I. She went anyway. Came back later with the darkest hickey I had ever seen. Said he forced himself on her, she punched him then left. I beg to differ. Hickey's do take sometime. Especially one like that. I was much too enamoured to contradict her anyway.

17.Hung out with losers. Why would someone so beautiful hang out with such trash? The attention Im sure it gave. She always got alot.

18. She has had a history of suicide and cutting due to familial issues.

19.I've seen bruises all over her body. Even a few cuts. She has an excuse for some of them. The rest she doesnt know. Normally its from "bumping into things."

20. History of many "brief" relationships, ranging from days to weeks with men that would seem unsuitable to someone like her.

21. Most noticable of all was her crazy childlike behaviour. She likes to be cute, which im fine with. But she takes it too far. She keeps talking to me in this cute kid voice, obsessing over something stupid, like a toy, or a cookie. Sometimes I feel like Im talking with a six year old kid. It isnt normal.

22. Early on she was very socially active, with everyone else, except me. Ignored me when we all were with other friends.

23. As well she would always, always ride in someone else's car given the chance if we all were going to the same place for a party or whatnot. My car was a nice Volvo. She would even choose to ride in a #######5 Ford Cougar over me.

24. When I did end up hauling her around, she would sometimes do weird and uncomfortable things. Look at the next car over and say "Mmm, he's hot." She'd wave or poke the glass to get thier attention. Or yell, "Hey sexy!" Before I drive off. It became less and less funny after the first few times.

25. Me and my best friend, went on a double date with her and her best friend. She was messing with me from the back seat, pulling my hair, throwing things like an infant. I had gotten pulled over for doing 70 in a 55. Didnt see the cop or how fast I was going from all the crap going on in the car. From there we go to the movies. The movie didnt start for an hour, so I suggested we get some food. I got no feedback. Seconds later she walked out of my car with her friend and began walking. Why? Because I didnt plan things perfectly. She didnt want to be bored waiting for the movie while I decided what to do.

26.She was Clingy too. Very. Very. Clingy. Since I dated her I've dropped all my female friends. Didn't need them with this going on, When that failed, I used to get yelled at for hanging with my best friend over her. A man. Fitted over it worse like he was another woman.

27.Sex starting out was hot. Really hot. Sex with us now is predictable. Mechanical. I couldnt time it better. If I want it, all I had to do were a few EXACT steps, and there it is.

28.Worst of all she has, and I mean litterally destroyed me. Im not the same man I was ten months ago. Ive lost my car, my home at the time, a few stable and needed jobs, alot of close friends and worse of all my pride. Im horribly depressed with or without her, and Im doing narcotics whenever I can to feel "leveled" and somewhat happy.

All of this because she "Misunderstood me." Thought I was your regular John Doe A-hole. I find this excuse on the contrary. I catered alot to her, and did the best I could have being as patient and loving as I could. Except when I started to seem inadaquete I was substituted like a football player. Then brought back in at half-time. I should explain what even made her appealing. She was hot. And asian. I holy shitted, when my friend tossed me her number saying she liked me. This was my first real relationship. I was bright eyed and bushy tailed. She had money. Was very smart. She plays the piano really well. Drove a nice ass truck. Clinical "dream girl" syndrome. She seemingly had a bright personality with everyone else, lots of friends and a fun person to be around.

I lied to myself for the longest time to be with her. But when things were good, It was bliss. I was happy. Up until March of this year is when things took second gear. All these things listed above, disappeared. Most of them if not all. No more drinking. No more guy friends. More me and her. No lies. Weekly dates. She pays for everything. See each other every single day. Helped me when my recent and piece of junk Ford was breaking down.I think the past is gone. Its killed me so much, why did all this happen to me? All the crying, heartache, manic depressions, etc. I was addicted to her. I still am. But in light of things taking a turn for the better, or at least thats how things seem, is this plausible? Could she truly have reformed? Is HPD something that really can go away, with enough time and caring? Or is this all just wishful thinking...another part of me deluding myself to an addiction. Im almost dependent on her to care about anything, even myself. Im in the Air Force Delayed Entry program. But I've been blowing it off. I havent been digging for job openings, studied for my Language potential test(D-LAB), Exercising anymore, nothing. Please help me. I dont want things to get too serious, before I end up making a potential Life killing mistake like I have, permanent.

I doubt she "reformed" that quickly. ......... She's probably acting better to get you devoted to her again..........Then she'll go wild again...............she probably wants to marry you so she can party on your air force money while you're away.

I know they're beautiful, and smoetimes it's bliss.............. but they will abandon you, ignore you, and cheat on you.

They want every hot guy around...........they cannot be happy with one guy...........not for long..........

And when another guy resonds to them, bam.........they're off with him.............and you're temporarily forgotten.........

It's just not worth it..............unless you want to share her with 10, 000 other guys................

sorry to be blunt, but I fell for one, and it isn't worth it.........

I wish she was bluntly using me for something. Im broke now. I dont make money like I used to.She isnt and wont be. Like I mentioned she has money. Lots of it. She's eighteen in a few months, and she gets to take over her parents hotel and some assets, to run, it sell it, or whatever. Staying with me has zero monetary value as far as I'm concerned. Why would an HPD really pain themselves all this trouble? I can't exactly put my finger on why things changed in March so suddenly. I've asked her before why she all of a sudden loved me so much despite whats happened. Her answer was "Because You're Still Here." What's to gain from any of this?

In a lack of patience and desperation I have tried discussing this issue with my girlfriend. She's agreed to go to counseling and seek help. However today, I look on her myspace and there's paragraphs of all her issues, and detail of her disorders for everyone to view. And how Great of a man I am in understanding and trying to help her. It was like an upset Martyrdome. She's outed herself unnessesarily and is centre stage. I'm at a loss. For now It's all benefit of the doubt. What does this mean? Is she just succumbing to another role to make me satisfied and feel pity for her?

*

Well, if there's anyone out there I gave it a shot. Broke it off. Deleted the myspace. Number. Everything of her in my life. Passed up the free, everything paid for trip to Six Flags with her. And I've never experienced such hell. But I pressed on telling myself it's necissary. Until today. I wanted to see her. Talk to her. And I did. She seemed like an ordinary person still. The Devil I became involved with, just didnt seem like it was there anymore. I nearly had to beg for her to come back to me...Someone please tell me it's okay. That this is possible in some way shape or form. I'm Co-dependent to the core now. I know it. There's nothing of the old me left strong enough to carry myself. Words...any words at all...anyone

S.T.

I had a beautiful HPD once upon at time......................

I knew in the end she was NOT worth it..................

For evey "wonderful" time with her............. you'll have plent of horrible times..............

And she will "love" other people.........

And sometimes forget you and dissapear on you............

SHE IS NOT WORTH IT.............

They're only beautiful on the *outside*.

I'd recommend you watch the movie "Shallow Hal". It's really great--some spell happens so that a man sees people's appearances reflect exactly who they are on the inside. If HPDs were flipped inside-out and their appearances reflected what was going on on the inside, they wouldn't be so beautiful then, now would they?

Sure, life would be easier if we could judge by appearances but instead we need to take the time to really know someone to find out if they're truly beautiful.